I was on the phone to her for about 90 minutes earlier, trying to offer words that could ease her pain while she was crying, but i'm no good with words. I can never console anyone. I hate hearing her cry. It makes me hurt. Makes me feel like I can't do anything.
By the end of the conversation it had lightened up just a little. Enough to make me feel that at least she wasn't sounding as bad as she had been.
In February, she's coming over here for an open day at the university she's gonna be going to in September. She was going to be staying at Ste's for the week but of course that's not gonna happen now. She said she was gonna stay in mate of Ste's house, but she said that that would be awkward. I told her she could gladly stay at mine for however long she wanted. I mean, this house is open to anyone who needs it. She was worried about what my mum would think and I told her that she'd love to have her here. She would. She knows that if I did I'd probably be happy all week, having someone to talk to. Having someone as lovely as Katie to talk to no less. So it looks like I'll be getting to spend a whole week with her in February, wow!
After speaking to Katie on the phone, shortly afterwards, Ste came online and I told him about what Katie had said and the fact that she now hated him. It's hard being friends to two people who aren't friends themselves no more. My loyalty will always be to Katie, however, since she is my best friend. Having said that, I still try to remain as unbiased as possible, because I do still want Ste as a friend too even though Katie now hates him.
In an effort to keep my friendship going with Ste, we're going to town tomorrow (or today if you're being technical) so I can buy clothes for the Krazy House. I have nothing to wear. All my stuff is non-club clothes. I'm hoping that although i'm pretty angry at him, I can still remain friends with him. I know he's a nice guy aside from this, even though this is what makes him pretty much a bastard. (heh, if you're reading Ste, well, it does, doesn't it? :s)
So, currently, my friendship with Ste is good, although he's also made me angry because he's made Katie cry and feel so bad. As I say, my priorities lie with Katie. She's the most important person to me in my life. There's no one else I'd rather be with. She's been such a good friend to me and I want to be a good friend to her too.
Maybe they'll both talk to each other again in a few months, maybe even years. I hope they don't stop speaking altogether though, although considering all of what's happened, it may be pretty unlikely that they will speak again, sadly, which means the friendship I have with them both will never be one that they'll share with me together.
Friendship. There's something I haven't talked about much have I? It's usually lack of it. I know that Ste isn't going anywhere any time soon, so perhaps my friendship with him will be a good one. I think Saturday night will be a good way for us to get to know each other better and of course, Saturday will also be my first time in a club which means it may also be a chance to get to know complete strangers better too.
My friendship with Katie will hopefully never die. It's only ever gotten stronger since I began talking to her. Though she will only be here for a week in February, she'll be here for three years in September. Three years. Three years with a great friend. It sounds so good when I think of it but 10 months seems so far away. I'm hoping that as much as I look forward to Katie living here in September, my social life improves a lot sooner than then. Another year of being alone would be pretty damn shit.
That's irony for you.
Something else that's ironically cruel, is the fact that I know of at least 4 different people who have either just got out of a relationship or who are just getting in one. A month or so ago, things were quite normal for them, ie, nothing on the horizon, but look how the tables have turned. And the irony of all this? No matter how much those tables turn, my relationship status is the same as ever. How's that for irony?
I wrote a song last night. Want to read it? Go here then. I'd really appreciate comments on this. What would you change? What do you like about it? What don't you like?
Just gone 6am now and i'm probably not gonna go to bed till at least 6:45am. Why? Because i'm stupid mostly. I don't think my body is configured right. Why does everyone else find it so easy to go to sleep of a night? I don't. I don't even like doing it. I don't even like sleeping in general but especially of a night. I like what sleep does, ie, refreshes you, but I hate just lying there for 10 or 12 hours, even though if I were awake for those hours, I'd be bored out of my mind.
I can't half write some huge entries sometimes.
6:10am
