See the thing with keeping a public diary is that anyone can read it and as such, people who you may talk to on MSN may read it too and as a consequence, you may censor yourself to avoid anything that may constitute something bad.

And that's what has happened.

So, do I write all of my feelings down hear regardless of whether they read it or not and in doing so, let them know how I feel about things and in doing that, no doubtedly make them feel worse than they may do? Or, do I keep these words inside my head and keep these persons unaware of what I want to say?

Since this is the only place I do keep my thoughts except for my mind, I really feel the need to write how I feel. So, although I can't stop you from reading what i'm about to say, I really really URGE YOU NOT to read it. Please, i'm serious, do not read it because it'll only make you feel bad and I don't want you to.

And i'm sure you're wondering who i'm pleading towards. Katie, Ste...I mean you. For you, PLEASE DON'T READ BELOW HERE. Please. I really am serious, for your own well being, don't.

I'm really hoping that my advice was taken onboard and now I have an audience that isn't affected by any of this. If for some reason, you haven't taken my advice, Kate/Ste, this is your last chance to do so.

And so my thoughts begin...

Since this is causing me a lot of unwanted stress, I began talking to Lisa about it, since I feel closest to her than most. Below is a brief chunk of what I said to her:

What the hell do you do when a friend of a friend has a girlfriend, but who has slept with your best friend who has a boyfriend and when you really care about this best friend and when you're really really REALLY against cheating...my god...

And you know what makes it worse? The fact that I have such strong feelings for her and god forgive me, but, i can't help feeling almost jealous of the friend of hers. This is...confusing.

I'm trying to be a friend to them both, when they've both cheated on their partners and I really can't stand that, but I can't bare to shout at her because she means so much to me and she's fragile...I need to leave this well alone, but now it's gonna play on my mind.

Cheating is at the top of things that I will never do to anyone under any circumstances whatsoever and it hurts me so much when people do it to others and when two friends do it to their partners, one of which you like...well...yeah...

So currently i'm feeling...well I don't know what i'm feeling really. Helpless? Frustrated? Confused? Angry? All of these could apply, but I really don't know which one I feel more than the others.

I don't want to talk to either of them about it because it's nothing to do with me. It really isn't. I don't want anything to do with it either because it'll only make me feel more of the feelings that I already feel.

I need to sleep on this. I can't even do that though because I've only been awake for about 4 hours. I can't stop thinking about all of the above and I really need to.

I'm hoping that in a few days, maybe weeks, I won't feel as bad about it as I do now.

And that's how things are.

10:01pm