Jamie called me about 3pm to say that he wouldn't be going. This was because Dave didn't have any money and Danielle wouldn't be going because apparantly Ste, Danielle's boyfriend had broken his arm or something. I did however, say that I'd meet up with him tomorrow in the day in town.
I asked how he was and he said he's getting better. He said that he's made the decision to stop going after Tori and also to stop going after Danielle as well. I asked him if he was sure about this decision, because I know that tomorrow he might say something completely different. I told him that and he said he just doesn't know.
He also asked me if Tori had sent me an email but since I was still in bed when he called, I hadn't checked my mail just yet.
I said goodbye to to him and said I'd see him tomorrow.
Sure enough, when I did finally get up, there was an email from Tori. I won't paste it here, simply because it's fairly long and can be summed up quickly. However, the first line of the email said "I just want to let you know that I am so sorry for the way i treated your feelings."
I was happy that she was apologising properly.
The second thing she wanted to do was explain her reasoning for how she had been with me.
"the reason i was said all the sex talk to you cos i was either just very horny or drunk"
I knew that anyway really. I've never been Tori's type and when she came onto me, I knew it was just because she wanted the sex.
"From what i have been told, you were expecting to get with me as a partner and not just for sex."
This bit is untrue, but it's probably just that Jamie saw how upset I was about everything and assumed that I must have really wanted to go out with Tori. I didn't/don't.
"about Danielle, well i sent those texts cos i was very angry and drunk"
I thought this would be the case. Unfortunately those angry and drunk texts have hurt Danielle.
"she is NOT the reason i broke up with jamie and its really bugging me that she i telling people that"
This is probably true too, although I'm sure it's one of the reasons. I don't know her main reasons for breaking up with Jamie.
"i dont want to be mad at her but i hate the way she treats people and bull shits the group!"
I took this to mean that Tori still thinks Danielle is lying about her miscarriage. I very much believe Danielle though and it's just unfortunate that they've both had miscarriages recently. I'm sure Tori would feel awful if no one believed her about hers if she had had one three weeks after Danielle's.
"like i said at the beginning, i am so sorry for the way i treated you and i dont want to lose you as a friend."
I emailed her back with an email that was about three times as long as hers, calmly stating things. I told her that Jamie had been wrong about me wanting a relationship with her, but that I was very upset that she had told me everything she told me, yet had then start going out with Jamie.
I told her that she should apologise to Danielle for the things she didn't mean and that I know in return, Danielle would probably apologise for things that may have hurt Tori too.
I told her that she's going to have a hard time convincing Dave to be her friend and that it's something she needs to do directly with him if she does want him as a friend.
I told her that I hoped my email did not make her feel threatened or angered and that I have never hurt her or been angry at her and for that reason, not to take any of my thoughts with bad intentions.
I thanked her for taking the time to email me.
I think I spent about two hours writing the email altogether, thinking of all the things I needed to say to her and indeed, some of the others in the group. I'm happy that she feels so sorry about how she has hurt me but the fact is I'm quite willing to offer forgiveness to anyone who has hurt me in the past. With my friends, that is. Unfortunately, Dave is not as willing as me to forgive and Danielle is not either. However, I do believe that she and Danielle can patch things up at least.
I was tossing and turning all night because of all of this and I actually had a script in my head of what I wanted to say to Jamie, Danielle and Dave when I met them in the pub, but because Jamie has now decided that is not going after either of them, none of what I had planned matters.
I was simply going to suggest that he begin seeing Tori if she still wanted to, but, allow Danielle and Ste to come back into the group. I was going to get them to promise each other that they wouldn't try to interfere with each other's current relationships.
I suppose there is a part of me that does feel quite sad that I was used by Tori. That she just wanted sex and not me. That line "cos i was either just very horny or drunk" did feel quite demeaning. Still, I have to live with it that I'm unappealing to perhaps the majority of girls and the girls that do like me are probably just as introvert as me so finding them is quite difficult. Still, though Tori has hurt me, friendships can always be repaired with me. I would never cut one of them out of my life forever. I'd always be available to come back to the table and discuss things.
I've not done anything all day, but after I've written this entry, I'm going to start on at least some of my Uni work. I doubt I'm going to have it all done before I should but I can at least get some of it done in time for some deadlines that I have next week.
It probably won't be this week, but I definitely would like a birthday re-run. Another night out without all of this mess. Before it happened on Saturday, I was enjoying myself immensely and I want to replay that into the night. I'm going to suggest it to a few of the group.
My phone hasn't been vibrating at all today with calls and texts so I'm hoping that things are beginning to settle down now.
Right, time to get on with some work.
