I'm just back from abandoning my date. Yes, abandoning. Why? Because I felt very very uncomfortable and I knew it was wrong to have come.
I'm in two minds whether to write the full details of my very short day in town, or whether to just give a few quick facts. If I go into full details, then you're going to think badly of me and I guess to be honest, I wouldn't blame you.
I can't. I can't go into full details. I don't want to 'incriminate' myself for lack of a better word. I'll just give some facts instead, but I need to omit a vital detail. I'm telling you it's omitted because I fucking hate it when I censor myself in my diary, but on this one occasion, I have to. So, please be advised one piece of information has been omitted from this entry.
The idea was that I'd meet her and we'd go the cinema together. She didn't want to meet me on her own however and said she'd be bringing a friend. However, she also said that she would not let her friend go home on her own and that basically meant no cinema. Instead, the plan changed to me, her and her friend walking around town.
I met them both at about 2:40pm. All three of us were quiet to begin with. Or rather, both were quite quiet with me. I mean, it's hard enough going on a first date with someone and only them, but if there's a friend there too it's even more difficult to get to know the person you're supposed to be on a date with. I hardly said a thing. I wanted a hole to open up and swallow me.
Oh, it gets worse.
This was not the worst of it, however. I didn't fancy her. She had looked ok in her pictures, but after meeting her in person, I knew I didn't fancy her. What could be worse than walking around town with your 'date' that you don't fancy who is also with her mate?
Oh, it gets worse.
I fancied her mate loads more. I was much more interested in her. I had been talking to her even moreso than the girl I was meeting, simply because we seemed to have more to talk about. I knew she didn't fancy me, but she knew I fancied her. I had told her.
It can't get any worse than this, right?
Oh, it gets worse.
Both of them are a little on the emo side. I have nothing against anyone. I don't care if you're a goth, emo, geek, punk. Whatever the fuck you wanna be, be. But I'm not an emo. And guess where we ended up? Emo central. That is to say, the further we moved away from the main part of town, the further into emo land we went. You know, dyed, straight black hair, polka dots, Converse. It was like walking into The Matrix and seeing Mr Smith everywhere - They all looked the same. I didn't. This made me feel uncomfortable.
Oh, it gets worse.
After sitting about doing nothing for about half an hour and with very little conversation between me and the two of them, I asked if we could go to HMV so I could buy my Mum a Katie Melua CD that she had asked me to buy just before I had left the house. So, thankfully, we left the horde of emos and went back into the main part of town and into HMV to get the CD. After that, they needed to use the toilet so that's where we went next. They went in together and I stood there, thinking, mind racing. Do I stand here and wait for them to come out and carry on being uncomfortable because I don't fancy my date at all and we're not saying anything to each other or, do I take my chance and go, right now, while they're in the toilet.
I looked at the entrance to the toilets, I looked at the exit from the shopping mall. I looked at the entrance, I looked at the exit. Entrance, exit. Three times. I needed to make a decision, quick.
I left.
I disappeared from view and darted towards the exit, heading for the train station. I felt like such an evil bastard for doing it because it is NOT something I have ever done before. Ever. I felt so very guilty for doing it and as I picked up my pace and headed for the train station, I text my date.
"Sorry.", I said, "I'm gonna go, I feel really uncomfortable. Sorry."
I had to. I couldn't bear the uneasiness of being there. It wasn't because either of them were horrible people, though. They seemed nice enough, but I just had to get out of there. I had to.
Luckily, there was a train already in the station when I got there and I felt so very relieved when it finally pulled out and left town.
10 minutes later, I noticed I had recieved a text on my phone from my date. "Where are you?", it said. I wasn't sure if she had sent this before or after I had sent my one to her, but again, I felt like such a bastard. I don't DO this sort of thing. It's not me. I don't go running off. I try to be courteous and at least stay with someone until there's a natural endpoint where one might say to the other "Oh well, time to go home" kind of thing. You know what I mean. A natural conclusion. But not this time. This time I had to leave.
If/when either of them come back online tonight, I will do my best to once more apologise to them. It was not something either of them did. It was me. It was my fault for suggest that we meet in the first place. I have only ever had one bad date, but this definitely makes two.
I'm shaking my head to myself. "I can't believe you did that", I'm saying to myself. "I can't believe you met her" and "I can't believe you disappeared on her".
Again, I'm sorry if you're still asking questions at this point and the reason you may be confused is because I've left out an important detail, but I refuse to say what it is. Regardless, I regret allowing myself to meet her and I of course regret that I bolted.
This was a bad idea.
Update
I spoke to my date's friend online earlier and she was actually pretty ok with everything I had done. She just asked why and I told her that I felt uncomfortable and that I hadn't fancied the girl I was supposed to, but that I did fancy her. I told her I liked the top she was wearing and that it made me think a few things. She went offline after we talked for about half an hour or so.
About 10 minutes ago, I recieved a message on Myspace from my 'date', saying that she had been at the computer with her friend the whole time when I was saying that I fancied her and that I liked her top and that she had nothing to say to me. I thought she might be, really. Maybe it's a good thing. I least it's a clean cut. I've took them both off my friend's list and out of my phone.
I was quite ready to apologise for running off and in a reply on Myspace, I did just that, but if she doesn't want to talk to me on MSN, then maybe that's for the best. I hope I didn't hurt her feelings too much.
