Shortly before going to pick him up, I text my Mum and told her about it. I told her how I had to wait for an hour on hold to the RSCPA, taking Oogee's body to the vet, the post mortem and the cremation. I told her that I was going to pick him up. She hasn't text back yet.

Once at the vet, I collected the ashes. I didn't know what they would look like or how they'd be presented. I've never had to be the collector of ashes.

It was simply a small box, wrapped in a plastic bag with the vet's name on it and in marker pen, was my surname and underneath was Oogee's. I was surprised at how small it was.

I had asked the cab driver to wait for me, as I knew I'd only be a few minutes. He drove me back home and on the way, I realised what I was holding in my hands. I was holding the remains of my friend. I was bringing him home. I kept stroking the box and I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes.

Once back home, my tears began falling. I carefully took the box out of the bag and opened it up. Inside, was a small bag full of small white pellets. It looked almost like pebble-dashing. There was a baby blue ribbon keeping the bag closed.

I kissed the bag. I kissed it like I was kissing Oogee's forehead and knowing that I was doing the right thing by scattering his ashes in the garden.

I went outside to the spot he liked to sleep. He switched sleeping positions about two months ago because my neighbour took the trees down which he slept under. But this new spot was under a large bush and it meant that he kept dry even when it was raining and he could see into the living room, waiting for me to appear to let him in. He'd meow once he'd spotted me and come running towards the patio door, wanting me to let him in. He was such a good cat.

I carefully undid the ribbon and opened the bag, putting the ribbon in my pocket. After saying a few words to myself about how I will miss him and how much I loved him, I began scattering his ashes onto the soil, but I couldn't. I tilted the bag back and kissed it once more. It's so hard to let go of someone you loved so much. But with this kiss, I was able to begin scattering them.

The soil was covered in small white pellets. I knew it was probably bone. I knew I couldn't simply leave it sitting on top of the soil so I had to get a spade and start turning the soil over. While I didn't bury his body, it felt like I was burying him now.

Once I had turned all of the soil over, I stood there, resting my chin against the spade and just took a minute to think. To think about how much I loved him and how much he will be missed. So fucking missed. You were the best friend I ever had.

I went inside and it began to rain and I could hear thunder as well. It was appropriate I guess. I took one last look out of the window at where I had scattered the ashes and sigh, before coming upstairs to write this entry.

Oogee is home. He will always have his place in the garden and in my heart.

Goodbye Oogee.