[21:41:45] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: I hate the fact that I haven't seen you for over three weeks.
[21:42:23] i'm buried underneath.: I know .. and i'm sorry .. but i can't come and see you.
[21:44:48] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: Because you're upset about Rob
[21:45:46] i'm buried underneath.: Yeah ..
[21:47:08] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: It makes me feel pretty...unimportant. That you choose an ex over me.
[21:47:57] i'm buried underneath.: But it's not like that.
[21:48:08] i'm buried underneath.: I'm upset about it.
Upset about an ex who used to hit her instead of being happy with someone who cares about her.
[21:49:23] i'm buried underneath.: I'm just saying. I need some space.
[21:49:47] i'm buried underneath.: So i can think about this.
[21:50:34] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: Even before my cat died and your ex went to prison, you haven't been with me.
[21:50:47] i'm buried underneath.: Well you haven't been with me either.
[21:51:57] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: Because you never want to meet me. You have to say yes instead of no in order to be with each other.
Have I said anything that is harsh or unjust yet?
[22:01:47] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: I thought things would be different once you told me that you were ready to comitt and also when you started getting the dole.
[22:02:05] i'm buried underneath.: I like being with you too.
[22:02:16] i'm buried underneath.: I am ready .. but..
[22:02:19] i'm buried underneath.: I don't know.
[22:03:22] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: Everyone is confused why I'm still trying so hard to keep you. And I keep telling them that I like you a lot. But it has to be reciprocated in more than just words.
[22:06:02] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: You said that once you were getting the dole, you wouldn't have that much of a problem getting here but once you started getting the dole, you said you were still skint. That makes no sense if you know you're coming here...if you want to come here. And I came to yours when I said I would. I do everything you ask of me.
[22:16:09] i'm buried underneath.: Yeah i know .. but i have to pay my mum now .. and this week i have been paying stuff offf
[22:16:11] i'm buried underneath.: off*
[22:16:20] i'm buried underneath.: And it's my mums birthday
[22:16:27] i'm buried underneath.: And i need a new phone.
[22:16:35] i'm buried underneath.: So i am skint.
All new developments. None of which relate to a problem which has been present since I started seeing Hannah.
[22:17:17] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm having a go at you. I don't want it to. But surely you realise that for all the effort of me trying to actually be, well, your boyfriend for all intents and purposes, it doesn't really seem like you want to be my girlfriend.
[22:19:30] i'm buried underneath.: No i know you're not having a go .. but we always do this .. always well "argue" .. we hardly ever just have a normal day where we talk about good stuff.
[22:19:47] i'm buried underneath.: And yeah i did and do want to be your girlfriend - but right now i don't
[22:20:02] i'm buried underneath.: Because i'm not in that kind of mind at the mintue.
I read that as "I'll be your girlfriend when I can be bothered".
[22:20:18] i'm buried underneath.: I just want to be alone, with my own space.
[22:20:34] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: As I said though, even before last week's events, we hadn't seen each other for a long time.
[22:21:06] i'm buried underneath.: No i know that.
[22:21:40] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: I haven't been out with a lot of girls, but those I have been out with have seemed a lot easier to just be with than it is for us to be together.
[22:22:17] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: Even when I had a girlfriend living a two hour train ride away from me. I saw her every week.
[22:22:34] i'm buried underneath.: Well that was you and her ..
[22:22:42] i'm buried underneath.: Go back out with her then.
Commencing the silly remarks.
[22:23:08] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: I'm just saying that that's how it should be between any couple, no?
[22:23:50] i'm buried underneath.: Yeah it should be ...
[22:25:05] i'm buried underneath.: i'm just not upto it yet.
[22:25:22] i'm buried underneath.: Not untill i know Robs ok.
In other words, though I care about her and have shown her I care about her, she still wants to put more emphasis on worrying about her ex than me.
[22:29:17] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: The fact that you would rather worry about an ex, let alone someone who did what they did to you than enjoy some time with someone who you say you want to be your boyfriend does kind of hurt.
[22:30:51] i'm buried underneath.: Well i'm just thinking about how he feels .. being in a total different environment, with all kind of violent men .. thinking about how lost and lonely he feels ...
[22:31:00] i'm buried underneath.: So yeah .. i am thinking about him .. not myself.
[22:31:09] i'm buried underneath.: I'd rather him be ok then anything else.
[22:31:26] i'm buried underneath.: It's the act of a unselfish person
It's the act of a fool, to put it bluntly.
[22:32:44] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: And while you worry over an ex boyfriend, in the meantime, you're beginning to lose your current one, though I don't want that to happen so much.
[22:33:38] i'm buried underneath.: My current what?? ...
In other words, because I haven't "officially" asked her to be my girlfriend, she apparantly does not think she is, yet I treat her like she is. I treat her like she is the most important person to me.
[22:34:01] i'm buried underneath.: I guess you just don't understand how i feel then.
[22:34:25] i'm buried underneath.: Because i like to think about how he is feeling .. instead of going and enjoying myself.
[22:34:37] i'm buried underneath.: I'm SO sorry!
Again, caring about the wrong person.
[22:35:57] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: I asked a friend what he thought because I needed some advice on how to feel about it. This is his reply."i think its a bi shit that shed try an talk to u about her ex, 1 becaus shes her ex an im sure u wudnt wanna hear about him whover he was an whatever situation u were in, cuz no1 wants to no about exes to be honest with ya"
[22:36:26] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: I didn't tell him details of your ex, just that he was your ex. And that was what he said.
[22:37:08] i'm buried underneath.: Well .. i know but i don't randomly talk about him .... it's something that has scared me and hurt me bad ad i thought i could tell you.
[22:37:16] i'm buried underneath.: But forget i won't tell you anything anymore.
[22:37:39] i'm buried underneath.: And you wanted to know what was up with me... so if you didn't care then WHY ask????
[22:37:45] i'm buried underneath.: I just don't get it ...
[22:38:38] i'm buried underneath.: And you always ask your friends opinions on things because "you need advice"
I'm confused. Is that not what friends are for?
[22:39:31] i'm buried underneath.: If you're so unsure about me .. just tell me and i'll leave you alone.
[22:41:20] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: But it's you who is the one who is making me unsure, as bad as that sounds because I can't do anything more on my end to make things any better than they already are. Tell me what I can do to make us be together more? What am I doing wrong? Is it my fault? Am I doing something that means we can't be together? I don't understand.
[22:41:54] i'm buried underneath.: It's not about you !
If it's not about me, doesn't that make it her fault?
[22:42:15] i'm buried underneath.: I told you .. someone i cared about alot has just been taken away.
[22:42:22] i'm buried underneath.: So i need to be on my own.
[22:42:29] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: But I'm on about before this happened too
[22:42:50] i'm buried underneath.: And i don't get what you mean. " i can't do anything else on my end" i mean WHAT have you done?
[22:43:19] i'm buried underneath.: Apart from ask me when you can see me ... have alittle moan at me ..
[22:43:26] i'm buried underneath.: That's all really.
[22:43:57] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: ...I'll try to forget you said that because hopefully you don't mean it.
To show her that I'm not only interested in her, but want a relationship with her I have:
- Paid for dates with her, asking nothing in return but a kiss and a hug and have not minded one bit about doing it.
- Travelled to where she lives, paid for both my ticket and hers just so we could spend some time together at mine because she said she had no money to come by herself. I've also paid for her cab and train fare home the next day.
- Taken her out for a meal, because I wanted to do something extra special that I thought both she and I would enjoy.
- Told her I think she's gorgeous nearly every day I've known her except for the last few days.
- Texted her nearly every day except for the last few days, even though I recieved none in reply because she didn't have any credit.
- Been more patient than most guys would be with her.
And other things.
So, needless to say, it's pretty damn insulting when she says "WHAT have you done?" when she's done much less.
[22:45:23] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: Ok, I promise I won't ask. I'll wait until you ask me to meet up instead, if that's what you'd like? Tell me what you want?
[22:45:40] i'm buried underneath.: I'd just rather leave it untill i'm feeling myself again.
[22:46:01] i'm buried underneath.: This thing that has happened has really knocked me.
[22:46:12] i'm buried underneath.: And i don't need the arguments.
[22:46:32] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: I do know how that feels too.
[22:46:58] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: And it's at these type of times people who care about each other are supposed to come together, not further apart.
[22:47:17] i'm buried underneath.: But i can't be close to you about this.
[22:47:24] i'm buried underneath.: Because i knwo you hate him.
[22:47:29] i'm buried underneath.: So it's not going to comfort me.
First reasonable thing that she has said in this chatlog.
[22:48:49] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: Sigh. Ok then. Then I'll do as I said and wait for you to show interest in me when you're ready to. But I hope you feel ok. About everything. Because I don't want you sad. But I don't want me sad anymore either.
[22:49:32] i'm buried underneath.: It's not about showing interest ...
[22:49:42] i'm buried underneath.: It's about me feeling myself again.
[22:50:12] I'm just waiting to go back to bed.: Ok, then I hope you feel yourself again soon.
Why do I like this girl?
