She's currently not very well apparantly and hasn't been for a few weeks now. It frustrates me because of course this means that there is less chance of me actually being with her. I asked her what was wrong though the other day.
[17:56:16] hannah - im dying to explain my heart to you now. .. e�?: i feel dizzy .. tired .. sick .. my neck hurts .. and my headches are getting worse.
After she didn't come here on Tuesday, I was very disappointed and I really wanted to see her so yesterday, I decided that if she can't come to me, I'll go to her. She said she'd like me to come and so I did and she met me at the station at around 12:30pm.
It was lovely seeing her again. This is only the fourth time I've been with her and I knew that this time it would only be for a few hours because she had an optician's appointment to go to at 4pm. When I met her, she did look a little less like herself and was slightly more quiet than usual. I gave her a long long hug and kissed her, before we began walking to her house while holding hands.
I asked how she was and she said that she still felt fairly ill. I feel sorry for her that she is apparantly this ill and before I met her, I made sure that she wanted me to actually come and that she was well enough to meet me. She said she was, so that's why I went.
Once at hers we sat in the living room. Her Mum was out so we were alone. We just cuddled up on the couch together and hugged and kissed lots and talked. Eventually, the kissing led to more than that and she made me cum with her mouth which felt amazing. I wanted to return the favour as I love doing it, but couldn't for, er, womanly reasons, heh.
The time just seemed to fly by when I was with her. Somehow it crept up to 4pm very quickly and then I had to go home and she had to go and catch a bus to get to her appointment. However, on the way to the station, we passed the bus stop and she saw her bus coming. She said she'd get the next one though because she wanted to take me to the station. I said she didn't have to and that she should get her bus so she's not late for her appointment but by then, the bus had gone past and so we carried on walking to the station. I told her that she should have got the bus because now she'd probably miss her appointment but she said she didn't care.
We waited on the station platform for my train, once again cuddling and kissing her lots. I do love being with her. She makes me feel wanted. Just simple things like reaching out with her hand to hold mine. It's lovely.
Once my train had come, I kissed her more and hugged her tightly before letting go and getting on my train to go home. On the way, I text her, just letting her know that I love being with her and that I hoped she still went to her appointment.
By now it was about 5pm but instead of going home, I decided to stop off in town and buy two new pairs of jeans and two tshirts. I also decided to try on a hat of all things and I surprised myself by realising that actually, I quite liked it! I'm sure to everyone but me it looks a bit silly on me but I thought I quite suited it. I wasn't about to buy it though because even though I liked it, I suppose I'm too paranoid about what other people might say about it. That's stupid, I know.
After I had bought my new clothes I headed home.
I was due to go into college today but never. I'm now on half term for a week or so in which time I really need to get my FMP done. I think it's possible, but really, I'm disappointed with the quality of my work especially since others are actually creating some really nice stuff. However, their work is primarily animation whereas mine is designed to be printed off. There's a huge difference.
I talked to Hannah earlier but it was really brief. She doesn't seem to come online much recently. She says it's because she just feels the need to sleep a lot. Apparantly she has six hour naps in the day because she's just so tired. I hope she gets better soon. I want us to be together more than once every other week. I'd be happy with once every week or more. I want her to be my girlfriend, but I can't ask her to be right now. Not while things are the way they are.
Everyone who I've talked to about Hannah says that I should just forget about her and that it's not worth all of the messing about but I want to be patient because I just think things could work if I give it enough time. I know I'd be really really pissed off with myself if I told her I didn't want to see her anymore and she ended up going out with some other guy that wouldn't treat her as well as I would. She's fragile and I know that some guys might take advantage of that as they already have. I'd like to think that I, on the other hand know how to treat a girl right and make them happy. She says I do, which makes me feel good.
It feels nice to be wanted. I just hope this has a happy ending.
