A few minutes after I had written the previous entry, I text my mum telling her that the phone lines had been cut off. She called me and told me that she knew and that she was the one who had had them cut off. I tried to explain to her that we need a phoneline for things like emergencies or to simply make a quick call to someone. She said that she doesn't use it and that she can't afford it. Then she said that she was going to be at the house in an hour or so and we'd talk about it then. She also said that the lads (as in the two men who work for Gary) would be round in half an hour to drop off some cupboards for my room.
Sure enough, they did, or rather, he did. Just one of them. He asked me to help me get the cupboards upstairs and fucking hell they were heavy. I don't understand what made them so heavy. It wasn't just the fact that I'm weak, they were very heavy. I was sweating a lot after bringing them up into my room.
They're not so bad. One is, but it'll do for now.
My mum and Gary made their appearance around 30 minutes after that. I was still feeling annoyed that she had cut the phone line off and hadn't even bothered to tell me.
She was here to meet some insurance woman who had come out to inspect the bathroom because the shower is leaking water into the living room. Before the woman came though, both my mum and Gary came up into my room to see the cupboards and Gary promised me that he'd get me a suitable bedside cupboard. I'm sure he won't any time soon. I've been waiting around six months for cupboards as it is.
My mum was just about to talk to me about having the phone cut off when the doorbell rang so she and Gary went to go sort that out. She came back up after the woman had gone. I was still feeling annoyed.
I didn't really have the energy to argue with her. I never do with my mum. There is no winning situation when you argue with her. She was saying that because she hasn't used the phone in months that she got rid of it and that all the bills for the house weren't her bills anymore. Well that's all well and good but me and Laura still live here. It's ok for her, she lives in Gary's, but for me and Laura, we still live here.
"You didn't even tell me you'd had it cut off", I said to her.
"Why should I?", she replied, "What good would that do?"
"Because it would have been nice to know!"
"Well. Now you do."
I swear these were her words.
Then, she begins telling me again that she can't afford to keep paying all of the bills for the house, "So, Laura is going to look for a place to live. And you'll have to as well".
My mum is kicking both me and Laura out of our own house.
"The whole reason I'm still here is because I can't afford to move out!"
"You'll get your rent paid though", she replied, referring to the �50 housing benefit that takes months on end to come through, if ever.
"And what about all of my bills? And food. And getting to college?"
"Well you'll have to get a job"
"...UGH. I've told you why I CAN'T do that!", and I have, so many fucking times but of course, she doesn't listen. "I can't get a job because I'm on income support and I can't work and be on that and I can't earn enough working to afford to live on my own"
"You don't tell them", she replied, patronisingly, referring to not telling the Department for Work and Pensions - the people who give me my income support - about the fact that I was working.
She then proceeded to have a go at me for wanting to do the right thing.
"Neil, you don't get anywhere by telling the truth. You've got to lie. If you don't, then you don't get nothing."
I had already given up arguing with her at this point. Here was my mum, telling me that I could lie and cheat my way through life instead of trying to be as legitimate as possible.
"I just think it's unfair you'd rather rent this house out to strangers than to us", I said to her.
"And what good would that do? You'd still have to pay the bills"
"And I would anywhere else! And I can't afford to!"
It was just a vicious circle that my mum had suddenly put me in.
"I'm gonna rent this house", she said, "I've had three offers already. I can get �400 a month for this".
And that's what makes me feel like all she cares about is how much money she can make, one way or the other. It's the way she says things too, as if she's looking forward to having all of that money.
"Do what you like", I said to her, now not even looking at her anymore.
"I will. I already am."
And then she left my room.
So, right now, I'm feeling pretty fucking helpless. What do I do? What do you do when your own mum wants to kick you out of the house and allow some strangers to live there instead? It feels so wrong. It feels like I can't do anything about it.
Even if I do somehow manage to find a place and move in, that's the easy part. The hard part of affording to actually live there and afford to pay all of my bills, rent, travel to college and food. I can't afford to live. This is the whole reason why I'm still at home right now to begin with and now my home is being taken away from me by my own mum?
Please help me.
