You know it's weird. Even though all of that crap has happened and I feel shit because of it, there is still a part of me that would actually like to meet up with her again. How fucked up is that?

I'm trying to get my head around that. I think she's weird, I don't particularly enjoy fooling around with her and it'd be another �65 for a hotel room and yet there is definitely still a part of me that would like to meet up with her again.

I swear there must be something wrong me.

I can't quite understand why, even though I absolutely know for sure I'd feel shit right after doing anything with her I still want to go through with it anyway. That's not right at all. There's no sense in it. It's completely irrational.

In related news, due to the helpful words of 'Kitty' in my guestbook, I've decided to hold off on going to the doctor's until I'm sure that I've actually got something to go the doctor's with. It's only a precaution anyway and fortunately, I think I'm overreacting. I hope I am anyway.

You see, even though I'm currently scared I've got some sort of STD from her I still want to go back for more! That's really fucked up of me. It scares me that I can still have any interest in her.