After speaking to him, I began to panic a little. I mean, I had to clear my entire room of everything and put it all in the living room. All of the cupboards had to go outside in the garden.
I asked Laura to help me move the cupboards. She said no.
"Neil, no. I'm not doing it", she said in her usual pissed off tone. I explained to her that there would be carpet fitters coming in the morning and that my room needed to be cleared by then. She said no.
I sigh.
I went downstairs and called my mum and told her that Laura was unwilling to help me out. My mum wasn't very sympathetic though.
"Well she won't", she said, "she done all of her room by herself".
This was true. However, Laura did not have any cupboards (at all) to move or an entire room of stuff. Infact, the only thing that she did in her room was paint all of the walls. There was no lifting and moving lots of stuff. She didn't ask for my help at any stage of this either, though I would have given it.
I was pissed off by this point in the "fine, whatever, I hate living here" way.
I went up and down the two flights of stairs, putting all of my things in bin bags and carrying them back down into the living room on my own while Laura simply sat in my room on the computer. I was sweating a hell of a lot from all of the walking up and down, but I know that's due to me being unfit more than anything. The fact is though, not only did she not offer to help, but she completely refused to do so when I asked her.
She hates me.
No really. Any time I say anything to her, it's met with this horrible tone of voice as if to say "I can't be bothered wasting my breath on you". It's horrible and it makes me feel worthless.
After moving lots of my stuff for around 30 minutes or so, I gave up because I was angry with Laura and just being in the same room as her (albeit my room) was making me feel even worse so I went to go watch TV in the living room instead and said to myself that I'd move the rest of the stuff later on and/or in the morning before the carpet fitters came.
Gary called around 8pm. He asked what the problem was and I said Laura wasn't willing to help me move the cupboards. He sounded a little surprised. As I said it, Laura walked past me and gave me a horrible look. She had decided to leave the house at that moment and within a few minutes, a cab had arrived to take her to a friend's house.
"Erm, ok", Gary said, "Well just paint the skirting then"
My mum called about 15 minutes later, saying I should go and get an electric screwdriver off my uncle to undo all of my cupboards so I could get them downstairs on my own. I said I didn't need one though and that they'd probably come apart on their own.
I ended up leaving everything all night. Laura arrived back home around 11pm and went to bed, meaning I couldn't take anything downstairs from my room because it would wake her up.
I said to myself that I'd just have to move everything in the morning before the carpet fitters arrived. However, I remebered that I wasn't even having carpet in my room anyway. I was getting wooden flooring. My mum had text me saying that they'd be coming here at 9am before they once again left to go to Denmark so I decided to get up at 7:30am and get it all moved before they arrived, texting my mum to let her know that carpet wasn't going in my room.
I got most of the remainder of my stuff out of my room no problem, it just meant that I was constantly up and down two flights of stairs. Then came the hard task of getting three cupboards and a TV stand down two flights of stairs on my own. One slip of my hand or foot and things could go seriously wrong.
I pulled the first cupboard over to the first flight of stairs and got in front of it. Then, slowly I tilted it forward until it was almost an a 45 degree angle, before letting it very very slowly slide down the stairs as I pushed against it so it didn't slide too much. Bear in mind that if something did happen, there was no one in the house at this point to help me.
Somehow I managed to get it down both flights of stairs and out into the backgarden on my own and without scratching a wall once. It was the same slow process for the other three wooden structures too. By the time I had got them all down, I was so very exhausted and I'd only woke up 30 minutes ago.
I spent the rest of the time moving any leftover stuff. I had no idea how I was going to move the wardrobe so I simply left it. It was way too big for me to even begin to think about moving on my own.
By 9am, I was so tired. My mum and Gary had yet to arrive so I decided to go back to bed even though I still had the skirting to paint. I was awoken by them at 10am and I got up once more to see what was happening. I was feeling tired, achy and very depressed.
"What's happening with the carpet?", I asked my mum very lethargically.
"You're not having carpet in your room", she said, affirming what I'd text her.
"What's happening about that carpet?", I pointed to the hall and stairs.
"Nothing's happening now until we get back from Denmark next Wednesday"
"...Ok"
"What's wrong?"
"...just tired"
And that was it. I had no need to rush about getting everything out of my room after all. I went back to bed annoyed at the world in general as I heard them both leave once more and go on their way to Denmark.
I hate being here with Laura. She doesn't ever wash her dishes until three days later and leaves them laying about everywhere. I don't understand why it's so hard to wash what you use after you've used it and that way you have no washing up to do!
She leaves the back kitchen in a mess, leaves plates, cups and glasses everywhere, she eats and drinks food which I've bought and - the thing which I hate the most - She never ever puts the milk back in the fridge, meaning it goes off quicker.
I HATE LIVING HERE.
Update: I've just gone to make myself some cheese on toast after Laura has just left to go to work this morning. Yet AGAIN, she has left the milk out and she's also opened MY block of cheese.
I was woken up at 2pm by my bedroom phone. I decided not to answer it, hoping they'd stop calling and let me go back to sleep and they did for a moment, only to call the house phone number and then my phone number again. I answered it with annoyance but found it was Jamie.
He said that he, Dave, Stan and a few others were going the pub for a few hours and invited me along. At first I said I was too tired and then he convinced me to go. I had been dying to get out of the house and be around my friends for around three weeks. However, after getting a shower, any energy left in me quickly went and I ended up not going. I knew that even if I did go, I'd feel too tired to actually enjoy myself there and only want to go home so I didn't go. I was annoyed with myself.
Yesterday, I went shopping for some food. I hate going to the town centre. I still get anxious for no real reason. It's not a nice feeling. However, once actually there, I was glad I was out of the house. I bought my shopping and came home, only to realise I'd left a bag of it worth �5! Damnit. I tried to call the shop where I'd left it, but I got a stupid call centre which was shut. I knew that there'd be a chance that it wouldn't be there if I simply went to get it, plus it'd cost me another �2 just to get there and back.
I conceeded and let it go. Just like so many other things.
Instead, I took the time to mow the garden which took my mind off it.
So that's my news. It's mostly shit isn't it? That's how I feel. Living here with Laura and having to put up with how she (and my mum) treat me is getting to me so much now. I want to move out so very very much but I don't know how I'm going to do it.
See, to move out, I need money for rent and stuff. The only income I have right now is income support which just about does me for college. I would really really like a job while I do college, but I know that it'd be too much for me. I wouldn't be able to handle it. And of course, if I were to get a job, then my income support stops anyway.
I can't get a full time job because I'm in college for another year. I can't get a part time job because I couldn't handle the pressure of college and a job.
I know that I'd be entitled to housing benefit if I were to get somewhere to live, but I'm of the understanding that even if I did get that, it wouldn't cover all of the rent and right now, it'd really need to as I wouldn't be able to afford to pay it myself and then pay all of the bills and food on top of that.
My mum knows how much I want to move out but she is stuck for ideas on how I can do so too although I'm not sure she realises just how much I want to move out and for what reasons. I think she just thinks that I've "reached that age", but it's simply the fact that the longer I live here, the more depressed I become because of who I live with.
Do any of you happen to know who I could contact to give me some advice on how I could get somewhere to live while recieving income support/housing benefit? I'd really appreciate it if you do.
I really hate being dependant on handouts from the government. I would so much rather earn the money. Sadly, right now, that is seemingly impossible for the reasons I've already said. I really look forward to ending this multimedia course because maybe then I can get a full time job, get a little place to call my own and then follow my dreams.
