I bought some alcohol on my way there, before getting a cab to the house. I got there at 10pm. Jamie, Danielle, Jed, Dave and Kim were there. I really fancy Kim.
It emerged that Jed was seeing her. It wasn't nice seeing both of them hugging and kissing.
By 11:30pm I was feeling very depressed and alone. I ended up sitting in the garden on my own. People would come out to see how I was and I'd tell them that I was feeling crap and that I wasn't enjoying myself.
By 12am, both Jed and Liam (who had arrived later on) had decided to get completely naked. Dave had stripped to his underwear, as had Jamie. This made me feel uncomfortable.
I sat in the living room for a bit, watching them laugh and have fun while I just sat there being depressed. I couldn't take it. By 1:30am, I had decided to go home.
They asked me to stay, but I said no. I wasn't having any fun at all. It's not my idea of fun to sit in a room full of half naked men, even if they are my friends. I called a cab and waited. They were worried about me, but I said I was ok. The cab came and I left. It cost me �10.90 to get home, but I'm glad I did.
I'm now sitting here in my room once more, feeling really shit and like I want to cry. I feel really lonely. I feel really depressed. I feel stupid for feeling such a need to leave the party, but I couldn't stand being there no more. The fact that Jed and Kim were hugging and kissing really got to me too, as Kim reminds me slightly of Claire and as I said, I do fancy her.
I don't feel part of the group. I don't feel like I can have fun the same way they can. I feel shit.
I actively tried to get myself drunk tonight just to try and make myself forget about how I felt but it only made it worse. I'm glad I came home because at least now I can break down in tears in my own bedroom if I need to.
Tonight is not a good night.
