Towards the end of the lesson, Brian asked me if I had emailed Tim Parry, the guy who had left the message on the front of the door asking for a graphic designer to design a magazine cover and I said I'd emailed him. Brian then said that he was talking to Tim and Tim had asked him if he knew anyone and Brian had said that yes, he did, referring to me. Brian apparantly told Tim to put the note up on the door, specifically because Brian thought I'd go for it, and I did.
Lunch was spent sitting in the class with Dylyn. I told him about breaking up with Claire and then I ended up spending twenty minutes talking to him about it and could of gone on longer. I felt the need to talk about it to someone and he was the only person around. Like everyone else, he thinks I should just forget about her.
She text me at lunch, saying that she wanted to meet me tomorrow. I was both pleased and dismayed by this and yet I said ok. How the hell am I supposed to act around her? I don't know what I'm going to do. All I know is that my heart literally hurts every time I wake up in the morning since she broke up with me and I know that tomorrow will hurt too, not being able to hold her in my arms or kiss her.
I had my lesson with Daniel at 1pm. About 1:15pm, some guy walked in the classroom and talked to Daniel for a few minutes, before approaching me.
"Hi, I'm Tim, I got your email"
"Oh right, hi"
He told me what he wanted doing and to email him some work if I was going to do it.
Me and Claire have been talking online tonight some more and I've desperately been trying to explain to her what I'm feeling right now, but I'm very hesitant at telling her everything because I don't want her to feel uncomfortable and pressured. I'm thinking that maybe in a month, two months even five months time, she'll see that I'm good to have in her life and want to go back out with me. It's a foolish thought, I know, but I can't get it out of my head.
She does seem very adamant about staying single for quite some time, however and this both worries me and actually makes me relieved. It worries me because maybe there really is no chance I'll ever get back with her. It relieves me, because if she is serious about staying single for ages, it means I won't have to hear the "Oh, I have a boyfriend" line any time soon.
I don't know what tomorrow is going to be like when I see her. She said she's going to meet me outside college and I wish I could be as happy about that as I should be. I wish I could walk out of college and hold her in my arms and then give her a long kiss and then walk hand in hand. But none of that will happen and it's eating me up inside. I want to keep talking to her, but the more I do, the more I feel that I'm hurting myself by doing so.
I don't really plan on spending hours with her tomorrow either. If I end up feeling shit because I can't take it, I think I'll just go join my friends in the AJ's and try desperately to join in with their fun somehow.
