[21:10:24] Ludovico was fun: *cuddles youuu*
[21:10:30] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: HI
babe omg am off now :'(
[21:10:44] Ludovico was fun: :( Want to talk on the phone for a bit?
[21:10:54] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: I am
too tired babe x
[21:11:29] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: Feel
really bad, cant sleep here :'(
[21:11:38] Ludovico was fun: You messaged me saying you wanna meet up?
You sure you're well enough to do that? :S
[21:12:00] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: I
will have to, got somethin to tell you x
[21:12:08] Ludovico was fun: ...that sounds bad
[21:12:40] Ludovico was fun: You gonna tell me something bad aren't
you
[21:13:34] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: Just
gona be honest x
[21:13:43] Ludovico was fun: You're gonna dump me aren't you...
[21:13:53] Ludovico was fun: :(
[21:14:05] Ludovico was fun: *sigh*...and I haven't a clue why
[21:15:57] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: Babe
xxx You are the sweetest thing in the world xxx I don't
wana tell you how I am feeling online I owe you more than
that xxx
[21:16:31] :(: You're gonna dump me though aren't you...Please don't
do that :( I thought we were excellent together? :(
[21:20:59] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: Babe
x ............... when I told you how I was feeling, about
how much it hurt when you're nice to me, it's because I am
not over my last relationshipS, I am just not ready, I know
you wont hurt me, I know we are good together, but the
timing isnt right, I realise that now, I need time n space.
[21:21:16] :( Good things never last.: So you're dumping me...?
[21:21:38] :( Good things never last.: Even though I make you happy?
:(
[21:25:37] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: I am
slowing our relationship down to friends, You can't make
me happy cos I am still really hurting, dont forget I have
just come out of a serious relationship, I gave so much to
him AND his kids and he hurt me, so I dont want to give
right now, it hurts, I still cry about it, and it wouldnt
be fair on you that I cant give you waht you want, I dont
wana lie to you about how I am feeling either
[21:26:14] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: I
care for you to much to lie to you x and It's better now
than leading you on and having you feel something that at
the moment I cant return x
[21:27:35] :( Good things never last.: I don't know what to say. :(
You have no idea how much I care about you. You're the best
thing that's happened to me in so long and I don't want to
lose you.
[21:29:07] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: I'll
be there for you, always, I feel so baaaaad about hurting
you (i'll cry later!) xxxx We have so much in common it'd
be silly not to be friends xxx I mean BEST MATES (K)
[21:29:21] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*:
bestest
[21:29:22] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: x
[21:30:56] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: x
[21:30:58] :( Good things never last.: But...I know I can't change
your mind so I have to just accept your decision. But I
want to be more than just your friend. I want to be your
friend, but I want to be more. I thought you did too. I
thought that's the whole reason you asked me out. This is
so unfair :( I can't do nothing to change your mind, I
know, but I make you laugh, you feel safe in my arms, we
have tons in common...yet you still want to dump me...
[21:33:34] :( Good things never last.: I won't say no more about it. I
guess I just have to accept it. I'm hurt and disappointed,
but I don't want to lose you.
[21:34:12] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: Babe
I cried my eyes out cos I can't do it x I really care for
you I was beginning to feel for you x but I am too
vunerable and hurting like I haev NEVER hurt before x
[21:34:56] :( Good things never last.: But I was fixing that hurt, no?
I've already proven that I'm a completely nice guy who
wants to do nothing but care for you.
[21:35:43] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: I
couldnt give you the same back
[21:35:57] :( Good things never last.: Why did you say all of those
things to me about feeling relaxed and comfortable in my
bed, in my arms :(
[21:37:13] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: I
was babe x I wasnt lying but its all too much for me x it
kills me to do this x but relationships need to be 2way,
and I knew it'd only be one
[21:37:43] :( Good things never last.: I'm sorry. You wanna be
friends, sure, we can be friends...but you have no idea how
hard that is for me when all I want to do is wrap my arms
around you and kiss you.
[21:38:27] :( Good things never last.: I can't believe you're taking
the best thing in my life away from me. :(
[21:39:18] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: Babe
I would've become the worst thing, I CAN NOT feel the way
you feel about me. and I dont want to resent you for it x
[21:40:01] CARPE DIEM BABY! *I is poorly hug me online instead!*: I am
doing it now so as not to hurt you more later x
[21:40:25] :( Good things never last.: Ok. I'm going to shut up about
it now. I guess you've already made up your mind. :(

And so as quickly as it started, it ends just as fast. Feel shit. Happiness for just under a week, snatched away from me yet again. Unbelievable. She wants to meet me on Sunday. "To hug you and say sorry in person, for messing you around and not listening to my own heart and for hurting you x and to mend our freindship x". I said ok. I feel like crying, but I've been preparing myself for it for the past five hours, since she sent me a text, simply saying "Can I meet you, just the two of us and go for a walk tomorrow?". I knew she wanted to break up with me. And so where does it leave me? I want to be her friend because I want to be more than her friend. How do I talk to her and not tell her how much I enjoy having her in my arms and kissing her? Fucking hell. Why does my happiness never last long?