Thursday afternoon and it was multimedia with Brian. I got there slightly early though and took the chance to go the library to print off my evaluation. However, once on the Mac, it wouldn't recognise the file. Not to worry though, since they also have PC's in there. Sadly, this wouldn't recognise my word document either! Great.
By this time it was 1:10pm so I was ten minutes late already for Brian's class. Once there, however it was fine.
I told him that I'd fixed the webjournal and he said he'd have a look at it once he wasn't busy, which he was. Very busy infact, since one of the tutors had called in sick and he had to keep running back and forth to different classes to cover.
Thursday is a weird lesson really. I go in on Thursday's because I usually have something I want to show Brian, or simply because I enjoy going to his lesson. But the weird thing is that I don't seem to do much work in the lesson. It's not because I don't want to, but it just doesn't seem to happen. Instead, I spend three hours helping everyone else do their work. I don't mind doing that really. I enjoy helping them. Still, I do need to get some work done, so I got to work on modifying some Photoshop documents and transferring them to the server from the CD which I had burned a few days ago.
I told Brian about my corrupt disk and he took it off me and said he'd have a go in the office. While he was doing that, I spent time helping everyone out.
"So do you wanna come?", I heard Stan ask me, as I was doing my work.
"Go where?"
"Come out tomorrow with all of us"
I then remembered what he was talking about. Since about Monday, Stan has been the instigator of getting everyone together to go out on Friday night. First to the AJ's and then to a club. I said I wasn't sure when he had asked me on Monday and I had the week to think about it.
"I dunno", I said to him, when he asked me in multimedia.
"Come on, it'll be a laugh"
"I really don't know."
Jamie was holding a flyer with the music that would be played at the club. It's not dance music, but rather stuff like Nirvana, Incubus, Funeral For a Friend, System of a Down and the like. So I do like the music, however, I don't think I could listen to that type of music for more than 30 minutes without getting tired of it and this was, as I pointing out to them once of the reasons why I wasn't really keen on the idea. Stan then said that I could just go the pub with them instead, which sounded ok, but being the fucking scared thing I am, the thought of going out to town on a Friday night really scares me. The last time (and the only time) I done it, it scared the hell out of me and I also got turned away from the two places where me and Ste, my friend at the time, were going, which meant that I had to come home less than an hour after going out! They didn't think I looked 18 when I actually was. They let him in, and he was 17!
So although Stan was trying to convince me to come, I was having a hard time accepting. I wanted to say yes so much, but at the same time, something was stopping me from doing so.
Work continued and I asked Brian for a digital camera so I could take pictures of my friends for an Ignite Design website i'm going to be making this weekend. They're going to be my 'staff'. I went the office with Brian to get the camera but in the end, I just took two batteries from him and put them in mine instead. As I was leaving the office, he asked me if I'd applied yet for the course i'm doing next year. I said no. I knew that I'd be coming to do his course though. I asked him where you get the application forms from, he told me, and I went to get one so I could get it out of the way.
When I returned, he was with the other class so I told everyone that I needed to take shots of them and they obliged. Dave first, then Stan, Jamie, Fisher and then Jamie took one of me.
I asked Leanne, but she said no. Doesn't like getting her picture taken. Neither do I. I look bad on camera.
Brian came back after a while and I asked him to help me fill in my application form. There's a part on it that asks what my future plans are and he asked me to put down what I'd like to do on his course. He then began telling me about what the course entails and we spoke for about 15-20 minutes about stuff like that. He was also saying about how he knows that I am capable of doing the work, judging from what he seen at my presentation.
I decided to ask him what he thought I'd get in my results.
"Distinction, mate.", he said, without a doubt in the world. Amazing. That's two tutors who think i'm going to get a distinction.
"I think you're aiming your hopes a bit high", I said to him.
"No mate, listen, you'll do it easily. Easily. You keep working to the standard you have been and you'll be fine."
That gives me so much confidence. However, I am about 75% sure that a distinction isn't on the cards for me. Why? Because of the primary source material. It clearly states that to get a distinction I must:
Independantly research and record a wide range of visual and other information from primary and secondary sources to respond to the briefdevelop a wide range of alternative ideas that imaginately meet the requirements of the brief
imaginately communicate how the chosen idea can be realised in a final form.
"A wide range of ... primary and secondary sources" - I haven't done that.
"A wide range of alternative ideas" - I haven't done that either.
I fail to see how I'll be getting a distinction, even though Brian and Ed (who will be marking them before the external marker comes in) says I will.
Because both of those think I'll be getting a distinction, I've raised my hopes from getting a measley pass to getting a possible merit. However, like with everything in my life, I don't get my hopes up too much because it only ends in disappointment usually. This is why i'm not even thinking about the distinction mark that my tutors think I'll be getting.
Towards the end of the lesson, Stan convinced Leanne to go to the pub with them. I was still unsure. Brian was in the middle of us all and he was wondering what we were talking about. Stan explained that he was trying to get me out and then Leanne joined in with the convincing.
"You not like it, Neil?", Brian asked.
"It's just never appealed to me like it does with most people. Just never had the need to do it."
He didn't say nothing, but the expression on his face made me think that he was agreeing with me. There was just something that made me think that he'd been there too. However, once Stan, Leanne and Dave had all joined in the convincing, Brian did too. I was still unsure though.
We stayed for a few minutes talking to Brian. We found out that he has nine kids! Nine! And then he comes to work with us lot too. Amazing.
We said goodbye to him and then me, Leanne, Dave and Stan began walking to the station. Leanne got the bus half way there though so it was just us three. On the way to the station, Dave and Stan were still trying to convince me but I was still so very unsure.
We stopped in Rennies, which is an art store so I could get a flip file and a piece of A2 black paper to mount my work on. �5.50 for a flip file! I hate spending so much money on stuff like a file! I then had to spend even more money on getting a pack of paper for my printer. I was going to get a colour ink cartridge too, but at �22, I really couldn't afford to buy anything else.
As I said, I wanted to say yes so much to going out, but wasn't sure. By the time we had said goodbye to Stan, I was edging closer to saying yes and Dave carried on the convincing into the station.
"Ok, I'll come", I told him, as my train arrived. "I'll speak to you online tonight"
"Can't, it's been cut off"
"Oh, ok then. Well, call me tomorrow then"
"Ok"
"Bye"
So, on the train I got and went home, knowing that the next day I would be going out. Although I had said yes though, I was still so very scared.
Once home, I began work on putting my work into the flip file. I still had to stick a load of research down onto layout paper too. Sadly, however, I ran out of glue! Fucking bastard. Just when I needed it the most!
This meant that I had to stop putting work in the flipfile, since I had to put the research in first and I didn't know how many pages it'd take up.
I printed off my corporate manual - in black and white. It looks so crap in black and white though. I'm really really REALLY hoping that on Monday, I'll be able to print it off in colour. That's plan A.
Hana very kindly offered to print it off for me and send me it in the post, but it has to be in for Monday. I accepted her offer though. Maybe I can add it in later. That's plan B.
Plan C is paying out more money to get the printed at the print shop.
At least I have plans.
I decided to clean up my room and get rid of a fair bit of stuff that, although has nothing wrong with it, I never use and would never miss. My room is still a mess though. I don't think my room is capable of being tidy.
I added a letter from Katie to my box of letters. It's getting really full. I must have at least 40 letters in there. On top of them all is Valentina, a red beanie baby which Claire, my ex, gave to me when we broke up. She has one called Valentino. She lays on top of all of the letters, face down. I don't know why I do that, but it just seems as if I need to. I also take a minute to pick her up and just look at it and remember all of the good times I had with Claire. I guess it's like some sort of small ritual that happens when ever I place a letter into the box.
*sigh*
After going to bed last night at 6am, I woke up today at 2pm, and the first thought on my mind was "am I going out tonight or not?"..."Come on Neil, make up your fucking mind!".
I lay there, thinking about should I or not. I just kept thinking that I was too scared to go. The thoughts of me going out were fading by the second and by the time I got up, I'd almost banished them from my mind unwillingly.
Dave didn't call in the end either. Nor did anyone else, since I had told them I wasn't sure. So, like any other Friday night, i'm sat here, typing this while all of my friends are either in the pub or a club probably having a great time.
I know, i'm stupid. I know...
