Surprisingly, after forcing myself up on Sunday at a relatively early time (12:30pm), I managed to feel sleepy enough to get to sleep that night and therefore wake up this morning and actually feel absolutely fine getting up and going to college.
Last night was spent doing a little more work on the letterheads. Sadly however, i'm not keeping to my schedule that I set out for this week, as they're far from done. It's now 2am and they're still not done either. Worry.
Ed wasn't in today, he was off sick apparantly so Pam had us for most of the day. Such a better teacher than Ed. She's actually supportive, rather than downright negative all the time. At first, I thought everyone was just being too harsh on him which is why I gave him more time before I formed an opinion about him, but he really is awful when it comes to showing the least bit of enthusiasm about someone's work.
I showed Pam the work that I've been doing over the past few days. She said it was very, very good. I was quite surprised really, although I am actually proud of myself for doing it and it's not often I get to feel proud of myself. I'm especially proud of the business cards that I produced, as I spent quite some time on them. Pam liked them so much that she decided to go and show Paul, who is another graphics tutor. Wow. There's always a big part of me that thinks that she just says some of my stuff is good because obviously it's nice to hear that, but to go and show another tutor my work too, well, that's just cool.
I spent a lot of time in the library, rescanning lots of research, since some bright fucker had deleted all of my work off the computer, which was in a folder called 'Do Not Delete!'. How stupid can you fucking get? THAT'S MY WORK YOU IDIOT!
Really, I didn't do much work today, aside from the research, although the day seemed to go quite fast and i'm not sure why. At lunch, we all went the AJ's and sat there till 1:30pm. I didn't say much though, I never do. They always ask me if i'm alright because i'm so quiet. Most of the time i'm just thinking about things. Always thinking.
Back at college, I asked Pam did she show Paul my work. She said yes, and that he was very impressed with it. The way she said it though made me feel as if he hadn't actually said that. Just something in her voice that made it sound fake. "Nah, he didn't", I said to her. "No, really, he did", she replied, "He said he wouldn't hesitate to put you on the graphics course".
You see, Pam is intent on getting me to come to graphics next year, rather than my current decision to got to multimedia. She thinks I have a good eye for design and doesn't want to 'lose' me, so she's trying desperately to convince me to change my mind and come to her course, rather than Brian's (multimedia). One of the biggest reasons why i'm hesitant to change my mind is that I've worked with computers so long now and I know my way around Photoshop fairly well. I know the very basics of Flash, and also Illustrator, along with Dreamweaver. I would very much like to really get into them though, especially Flash and start creating great websites, rather than good websites. I'm comfortable in front of a computer. I don't feel so comfortable in front of a pad of paper. And I think that's what it's about, my comfort zone. I think i'm too afraid to step out of it. I'm not sure if I want to commit myself to a two year graphics course where i'm uncertain whether it's for me or not, whereas with multimedia, I at least have a basic understanding of the main programs which we'd use over the two years. I think that's the biggest reason why I'd be very hesitant to go to the graphics course.
That's if I actually pass this one anyway, of course. Which is currently looking doubtful, in my opinion since I don't have all the things I need for Thursday!
I got pretty worried today actually. When I walked into the classroom at 8:30am, there was no one in there, but there was two A3 folders on the desk so out of curiosity I had a look. It was a folder of work by a girl named Michelle. I think she's in the higher graphics course than me and they're also doing a final major project. I was absolutely amazed at the amount of work that was in these two folders. Amazed. There was so damn much of it, and not only a lot of it, but it was quality work. It was all relevant stuff. And what do I have? A few crappy roughs.
My only solace is the fact that she's on the higher course than I am and her standard of work is not expected of me, but *I* expect it of me. I felt very disappointed in myself after looking at her work. I regret not applying myself better over the past six weeks. I know I could of done better, given the chance.
Still, I now have to live with it and hope that the work I do before Thursday is enough to at least scrape the barrel and get a pass, which I'll be thankful of, but not pleased with. At the beginning of this course, I had all eyes on a distinction. As the course has gone on, my hopes were lowered to a merit, and now I'll be lucky if I get a pass.
I'm so very worried about this. If I don't pass, it means that I don't get onto ANY higher course. It means that I would have to do this exact same course again. I really don't want to do that. I want to move on. I want to achieve something for once. Succeed. I've already lost so many years which should of been my starting point. I should of been in university right now. But no, i'm playing catch up and I still have a long way to go.
Back to today though. Or rather, the end of the day.
Around 4pm, me, Dave and Stan went into the Mac room, which is a room by our classroom full of, well, Macs, as you might imagine. I managed to print off all of my research and now for the most part, I've taken care of that. It really isn't that much research, but it'll have to do with my time contraints.
Also in there was Paul. He was sitting right next to me, talking to one of his own students. Once that student had left, however, he began talking to me and telling me that Pam had shown him my work and that he'd like it. He said I have an eye for typography and that he liked the way I had laid out certain aspects of the business cards I'd produced. He said I had a very logical way of thinking and that I was good at solving problems.
I went back to the classroom to get my work to show him again, as he wanted to see it and as I showed him, he commented on what he thought was good. It was a real confidence boost to hear someone tell me that face to face, especially from a graphics tutor.
He talked to me about the course which I plan to enroll in in September and I told him that although my first choice would still be multimedia, i'm not sure whether I'd choose it because I like it, or because i'm so used to doing it that anything else would be too different. He agreed.
I also showed him my CD booklet which he liked.
See, no one has actually taken the time to look at my work. I mean, all of my tutors have said do the work and I do it, and when they ask if I have, I say yes. They look, but they don't look. It's more of a glance. Most of the time, I feel that they're about to spend five minutes of quality time with me discussing my work, only to be interrupted by someone and then lost their frame of mind and go and do something else, leaving me without the criticism from the people who are supposed to be the ones doing the critisising.
A lot of the time, I feel that I haven't actually learnt anything, but used my own knowledge of design to satisfy the needs of the projects we've done. I have to admit that photography has been a help though, as I knew nothing about that. Graphics though, well, not really. Like I said, I hardly ever get a good/bad comment, but rather an 'ok, next' comment and that's really not helpful to me.
By 5pm, me, Stan and Dave were still in the classroom. 5pm is the latest we've ever actually been in college. We ended up leaving about 5:15pm and I made my way home, feeling so very tired, along with my toe that is STILL HURTING after five weeks now. I mean fucking hell, how long can it take a toe to heal? It was only a bang on the kitchen door.
Once I got back, within ten minutes of me stepping in the front door, I was in my bed. I was that tired. I was that tired infact, that I slept till 11pm and wanted so very much to sleep more. I forced myself up though so I could at least get to sleep some time tonight, rather than in the morning.
I'm not going to college tomorrow. It's Tony's lesson. He's actually gone to Egypt, so we have a sub teacher. I was going to go in tomorrow to show him all of my work so far, but then Dave reminded me of the sub, so I don't see no reason for me to spend money getting to a lesson that bores the hell of me and which isn't productive at all.
I may stay off Wednesday too and carry on with my work. Again, I have no need to go in, since nothing to do with my project has to do with photography.
And then it's the moment of the truth on Thursday. The moment when I know if I've managed to complete all the work neccessary. I suppose I'll know that Wednesday night actually. I also have to write an evalution before Thursday too, and give a presentation of my work.
So. Much. Work.
So little time.
So, here's what I have to do before Thursday afternoon:
1) More roughs for my letterhead. (1-2 hours)
2) Designs for letterhead (2 hours).
3) Select final letterhead and print off (20 minutes).
4) Roughs for envelope. (2-3 hours)
5) Designs for envelope. (2 hours)
6) Select final envelope and print off.(This will be done in college possibly. Backup copy 20 minutes.)
7) Roughs for corporate manual.(3-4 hours)
8) Designs for corporate manual.(2-3 hours)
9) Put everything in the manual (3 hours) - this includes writing detailed instructions of how the logo should look, what colours, what font. And then I have to do it for business card, letterhead and envelope as well - This is a big one.
10) Write evaluation. (1 hour)
11) Arrange all of my work for presentation. (30 minutes)
So, let's add that up...21 hours of work in the next two and a half days. My god...
Can I do it?
