Late last night, Dave came online and I was talking to him for a while. He asked if I was gonna come in college and I said no, instead I'd be going to town to pick up some paper. He said he'd meet me and that we could call Claire, since she had said she wanted to go shopping. Sounded good to me, although I went to bed around 3am and he wanted to meet me at 11:30am. Not enough sleep and not enough time to get ready so I ended up cancelling with him earlier this morning. I would of gone just to hang out with Claire, but I wouldn't of had time to get ready.

Laying in bed this morning, I began thinking of Sarah. I began thinking of whether it was a good thing or a bad thing being with her. I was weighing up all the pros and cons of seeing her and I came to the conclusion that I was probably seeing her for the wrong reasons. I feel as if I was seeing her not because it was her, but rather because it was anyone and when I realised this, I immediatly knew it was wrong and I began thinking about whether I should tell her that I didn't want to see her no more for her sakes.

As the day drew on and I thought about it, I decided that telling her I didn't want to see her was the best course of action, as much as I didn't want to do it. I mean, I really liked yesterday, just sitting with her, but i'm doing it all for the wrong reasons and I know that in two weeks or so, she's going to want me to start commiting to her and I realised I just won't be able to do this. I didn't want to wait a few more weeks and something serious with her happen and then tell her I didn't want to see her.

When she came on, she asked me how I was. I said sad and I explained why I felt as if we shouldn't see each other no more. She took it incredibly well to begin with, although "fine, whatever", means a lot more than whatever really. She got really angry at me at one point, saying join the rest of the club, referring to the fact that everyone hurts her. But this is why I wanted to tell her now, and not further down the line. So I hurt her as little as possible. She also said she felt like crying. But there's not much I could say. I know I've done the right thing, but I feel like a bastard for doing it now.

We're still talking, kind of. But to be brutally honest, I don't really have anything to talk to her about and the conversation is pretty much all coming from her.

So, it's just Neil again now, by my own doing and I don't even feel like I've lost anything. I guess that's a sign that it wasn't a good thing to begin with.