So after telling Sarah I didn't want to see her again, she got pretty angry and I basically took her off my contact list, since she wasn't talking to me. Infact, she'd blocked me.

Yesterday, however (Wednesday), she messaged me and said she'd still like to talk and I was ok with that. For some reason, she's decided that she now no longer is concerned about having a relationship and is ok with keeping things very uncommited. I asked her if she was absolutely sure about this at least four times in the space of an hour or so and almost tried to convince her otherwise, but she was insistent on the fact that she still wants to see me, even though I don't want a relationship with her. I'm ok with that, I guess.

Today, I finally managed to get my arse into college. Whole lot of good it did, though, since I didn't do any work. I didn't have anything to do. Instead, I ended up helping out everyone else, since they were all incredibly stuck and Brian, my multimedia teacher was out of the room for about an hour altogether.

Oh, and I seen Claire today too. Not for long, but she's looking as cute as ever :D.

There is a girl on my course called Zara. She's originally from Iran, I think and doesn't speak much English. The English she does speak is spoken as a whisper and nothing more so no one can actually hear what she's saying. It's pretty mean, but no one really bothers with her. I kind of feel sorry for her, and yet I don't really know how to help her, since even if she was English, I doubt I'd want to spend much time around her. It's the same with Leanne. I don't hang around her much. I just stick with my friends.

The reason i'm telling you about Zara is because apparantly, in a few days/weeks time it's her birthday. She came into the class and began handing out these little invitation cards to come to her birthday bar crawl. She asked me if I was going to come, I said maybe, knowing full well I wasn't going to. Infact, no one will. It's so damn shitty on her that no one is actually gonna go celebrate her 20th with her. I feel very guilty. And yet, even if it was one of my friend's birthday's bar crawl, I wouldn't go because it's not my thing.

I can just imagine her sitting somewhere on her own, feeling extremely disappointed that not one person from the course turned up and sadly, that's what's going to happen. I don't know how any of us are going to be able to look her in the eye again.

So, like I said, college was a waste of time today. I didn't do a thing. Infact, for about 90 minutes of the 3 hours we were there, it was just Brian rambling. He seems to do that a lot and even he's aware of it. When it was time to go, I said goodbye to Fisher and Jamie. I'll next see them in two weeks now, since it's half term.

I headed towards Rennie's, which is an art supply shop to get some layout paper. My god that stuff is so expensive. �8 for 80 sheets. Well, I guess it isn't too bad actually, but still, I don't really want to pay �8 for paper. Sadly, they had none, but they said they'd have some in tomorrow so I intend to go to town tomorrow and pick some up. All the way to town for paper.

I did happen to go to HMV and Virgin to pick up Lord of the Rings posters, but only one of them is the correct size so I need to take one back. I currently have two of the three posters on my wall and there's an empty space for the Return of the King poster.

I've been talking to Sarah tonight. I told her that I was going to town to pick up some paper. She said she was going to town too, but with her friends so i'm meeting her tomorrow for ten minutes before we go out seperate ways. Also, we were talking about the little bit of phone sex we had last week. I said I bet she wouldn't do it while she was sober, to which she replied 'wanna bet?'. So she did indeed prove it tonight! It's quite a turn on listening to someone tell you all the things they want to do to you and knowing that there's a big possibility they will do so in the near future...

Also of note is the fact that next week, my mum is going in for an operation on her stomach. She has a tumor. She has to have a historectomy (or however you spell it). She'll be in hospital for five days and then she's gonna be bed ridden for two months! Two months! That's a hell of a long time to not be able to do anything, especially for my mum, who is always constantly active.

I really should sleep now.