One thing of note this weekend was the fact that on Friday night, after a night of drinking, Sarah came online. I could tell she was drunk from the way she was talking. She asked if she could call me. I asked why, and she said she had something important to tell me. I was kind of in two minds about giving her my number. I suppose I was scared about what she was going to say. I thought she was either going to say that she wanted to stop seeing me or that she was in love with me. The reason I thought the latter was because of how she was with me on Wednesday. It felt as if she was feeling more for me than I was her I suppose.
I gave in in the end and she called me five minutes later. Lots of hiccuping ensued, along with her slurring all of her words and I was indeed right that she was very drunk, so everything explained herein was very exaggerated and it didn't really go in.
She started asking me do I want a relationship with her. I said I don't know. She said that she wanted one with me. I said that it was too soon to have a relationship with her, since I'd only seen her twice and I needed to get to know her better before I made any commitments to her. But of course, since she was drunk she wasn't exactly understanding or particularly listening. To be honest, it was quite funny listening to her while she was drunk.
Somehow, the conversation moved away from the 'why won't you have a relationship with me?' topic and onto more about how we like kissing each other. From there, it went to how she had decided that she wants to do more than just kiss tomorrow, which is when I see her. And by more, I mean hands in each others pants. Since she was drunk of course, I wasn't actually believing anything she was saying, as i'm sure she'd regret it in the morning.
She then asked me what I thought of her when I first met her. I said she was nice and that in the cinema I wanted to kiss her. I asked her the same and she said that while we were in the cinema she was wanting to shag me. I admitted that yes, I did want to shag her too, but since she's a virgin and whatnot, I'd never want to take that away from her till she was absolutely ready.
"I promise I'll do it", she said.
"Do what?"
"In the Easter holidays I'll do it"
"Do what??"
"I promise I'll shag you", she said. I just kind of laughed slightly, knowing she was pretty drunk.
"So...", she began. "If I turned round to you tomorrow and said do you wanna shag me, you'd say no?", she said, surprised.
"Yeah, I'd say no. Besides, you're drunk right now and I'd never take advantage of you."
"You wouldn't be taking advantage of me!", she continued, "Cos I would of asked you"
"I still wouldn't do anything with you though while you were drunk. Probably just take you home to sleep."
"I wish I was in your bed right now", she said
"I wish you were here too"
"Maybe I should get a cab and come to yours"
"Umm only if you have the �30 cab fare!"
"But I wanna be with you"
"I think you need sleep"
"I wanna be in your bed"
"I'd like you in my bed too"
"So if I was there in your room now what would you wanna do?"...
And thus began about an hour of talking dirty to each other. Phone sex. She was in her bed while talking to me already and she began masturbating while talking/moaning to me on the phone. Needless to say it was a big turn on. Like I said, this continued for an hour, but by the end of it, she was pretty much asleep. I asked her if she wanted to go to sleep and I hear a mumble. I said I'd talk to her tomorrow and goodnight. Another mumble.
So yes, Friday night was interesting.
Last night when she came online, I asked her if she remembered what she had said. "Ish", was her reply and I asked her if she had meant what she said about wanting to do stuff on Monday. She said yes. I then asked her about her wanting to have sex in the Easter holidays. She said yes and no. When asked to explain, she said "I'll have sex with you in the Easter holidays, but only if there's something there".
I'm not even bothered about sex. Really, i'm not. I've told her that I'd never want to do anything with her unless she wanted to do it just as much. I think the reason she's saying she wants to do these things is because she thinks it's a way to keep me with her and I don't want it to be like that. This is why if when the Easter holidays does come and she wants to have sex, I think I may end up saying no, because it wouldn't be fair on her. She's doing it for the wrong reasons.
I'm kind of dreading college these days. I've got so much to do in such a small space of time. I'll be lucky if I get a pass I think. I wanted so much to succeed at this course. To achieve. But it's all just faded away over the months. I have so much to do. I can't even do any of my work on the computer right now because it's still messed up and I need Tony's drive again so I can format it but who knows when he'll come. I'm sure he's fed up of me by now.
The one good thing about going to college tomorrow is of course the fact that I'll be seeing Sarah. It's a very good incentive to get myself into college because I know that the end of it I'll have her to go and see.
