I guess/hope it doesn't matter too much, although it does mean that I now won't see Ed till after Christmas and he's not seen my packaging. However! I have actually finished it, which i'm pleased about.
And now, I give you: My packaging!
I tried, at least.
Last night was spent talking to Lisa. It's strange. Lisa and of course, Hana are the only two people who I actually talk to these days really. Also, I guess it seemed like Lisa wasn't wanting to talk to me as much either, or that's the impression I got. Felt like she didn't want me around as much as she used to. But then she says that she cares about me and it makes me feel like i'm about to cry. Why? Because it's so rare that someone does actually say that to me, "I care about you". And when they do say it, even if it's only in word form rather than verbal, it means so much.
I wish I had someone to care about me properly though. Someone to think about me as much as I do them and someone who sends me nice text messages telling me they love me. I don't have a mobile phone, but we'll skip over that part.
I want to be someone's boi. I want to read how they are happy with me and stuff like that.
God I miss being in love. I miss it so much.
Just gets me so down sometimes that all the people that I care about have someone else that means more to them than anyone else. I want to be that someone to someone. Maybe it's wrong, but I get so jealous when I hear about how someone is happy in their relationship because it makes me feel just that bit more alone. I am happy for them too, of course, but the jealousy and the loneliness kick in. I hate it. I hate not being able to feel 100% happy for someone because of my jealousy.
Those of you who have read my diary for a while now will know that if I was in a relationship with someone, I would be so happy. Things just wouldn't seem as bad. I am happy when I am in love. And without it, it feels like there's such a big hole in my life. I've not found anything to fill it.
No one wants me.
