Firstly though of course, I had college. Tuesday I have multimedia with Tony. I really dislike his lesson because he doesn't teach me anything I don't already know and when I consistently show him i'm capable of it, he still tells me to stop doing what i'm doing and go back to what the rest of the class is doing. He also does it incredibly slowly, step by step. As an example, say for instance, I asked you to pick something off the floor and put it on the table - You know exactly how to do this, and you don't need me to tell you that first you have to bend down, then pick the cup up, the get up again, etc. This is what it's like in his lesson. The most simplest of things, he turns into an hour long lesson.
While he was showing everyone else how to do various things, I decided to once again show him what i'm capable of and indeed the rest of the class since I like to show anyone who's interested my art. I enjoy critiscm, good and bad. The lesson we were doing was to make a shadow of a simple rectangle shape, with the background being someone's face. In other words, the shadow the rectangle made had to look as if it was being cast on the person's face. Admittedly, the process of which he told us to do it, I didn't know about, but that's because I know much easier ways to do it. Plus, the end effect was absolute crap. So, inbetween him telling us what to do I set about doodling instead, using the picture of the man's face to create something actually worth creating.
By 10:30am I was once again bored out of my mind. It was break, but since I was happy doodling, I asked Tony if I could stay in the room and he said yes, while he and the rest of the class went on their break. By the time they came back, I had made something quite nice of the image we had been given. I can't show you it though, since of course, I'd need to upload it to somewhere, and I doubt any of the machines are allowed to. Once they all came back, they seen what I had done and commented on the fact that it was really nice and it was 'better than what we're doing'. Which it was. Tony saw it too, but he didn't say anything, other than 'save it to your folder'. I'm not sure if that meant 'Yeah, it's good. You should keep that.', or, 'Why must you do something different? Save it and don't open it again'. You know what I mean?
I kept it open all lesson, however, adding parts to it as the lesson went on. From 10:45am till 12, he was basically reviewing the stuff we had 'learnt' over the past few weeks. Weeks. What we've learnt over the weeks could of been condensed into one single lesson if he'd just hurry it along. If he'd just give me the piece of paper he carries around with him all the time, detailing everything we need to do, I'd have it all done in no time.
I left the lesson, as usual, feeling very frustrated and very bored. I was thankful the lesson was over.
As I began walking out the college, I made my way to Student Services to ask if I could speak to anyone about housing, but the person that I needed to see was out and wouldn't be back till later in the day. I said I'd see her some other time.
I then caught up with Dave, Paul and Andy and began walking with them. I asked if any of them knew where the place I had to go was and Andy said he knew and that he'd take me there, so all four of us began walking once more. On the way, Dave asked why I needed to go to the One Stop Shop (One Stop Shop is a place where you're able to pay bills and enquire about stuff regarding such things as housing and God knows what else). I said I needed to find out about getting somewhere to live, but, then I decided to tell him exactly why.
"The reason I need to find somewhere to live is because my mum doesn't want me there no more", I said.
"Why's that then?", Dave replied
"She hates me", "Just doesn't like me"
"Why"
"I'm not really sure" "That's the reason i'm going here (One Stop Shop) to see about getting somewhere"
"Me and Paul were thinking about getting somewhere"
"Have you sorted anything out yet?"
"Nah, not yet, just talking about it. Haven't done anything about it yet"
I shouted to Paul who was walking with Andy slightly further ahead of us.
"Dave's just said about you and him getting a place?"
"Yeah"
"You done anything about it?"
"No but I want to"
"Just that that's why i'm going here now, to ask about somewhere to live."
"Ah right."
We carried on walking, talking about how I/he needed a place. I joked about him and Dave needing to get a third bedroom for me and then the idea of Paul and I getting a place cropped up and we floated that idea about. Dave's mum doesn't want him to leave yet and he's quite comfortable where he's living. Paul said his situation isn't too bad either, but he would much rather move out and so we decided there and then that we would get a place together instead of me doing it alone. Suddenly, I had some sort of ally in this and I felt as if I weight was being lifted off me. I then began discussing with him, as we walked, the financial aspect of things, such as where his income would come from, and how we would afford things such as appliances. He said that he was going to get a job with his Dad as a labourer, laying paving stones. According to him, it's �35 a day, three days a week. That's �420 a month. Pretty damn good...if he is correct of course, and also if he can actually hold down the job.
I explained to them about how I am on income support and how if we did get a place together, we (me and Paul) would reduce our expenses a lot. By the time we got to the One Stop Shop, we had firmly decided that this was the course of action we were going to take. Andy by this point had made his way home.
We went inside and I waited in the queue, while they waited for me. I wasn't quite sure what I was going to ask for and I was feeling incredibly nervous about the whole thing. When I finally got to a counter, my words came out in a stutter.
"Hiya, I need to know how I go about housing. Go about finding...finding out. Need to know how to find out about housing", I said. It came out in parts, rather than one sentence, even though for the past few minutes while I had been waiting, I had actually rehearsed what I was going to say.
He gave me a form to fill in and the three of us went to fill it out. Well, I filled it out, because it is mainly for me, but I asked their advice on some of the questions. None of the questions related to more than one person finding housing though.
One of the questions was "Why do you need re-housing?" and I wasn't really sure what to put. "My mum hates me", didn't sound too good. "My mum wants me out because I cause the house to be unhappy" didn't either. In the end, with the help of Paul and Dave, I settled on 'Circumstances at home are not good. My mum wants me to leave'. I think I put that. But I know it won't be enough.
One we'd filled in the form, I went back to the queue and gave it in. I asked about me and Paul finding somewhere and she said I'd have to write a letter explaining the fact that it wasn't just for me. She took the form regardless, and said I could hand the letter in whenever.
I left there with Dave and Paul feeling so much better than I had done this morning and two days ago. I felt as if I was finally making progress towards becoming independant, and yet, living with someone who was my friend and, because of this, being financially ok. Like I've said many times over the past two months, I feel very grateful to have such good friends.
We made our way back to the station, where I said goodbye and got on the train home.
While waiting for a taxi home from the station (and I really shouldn't keep doing this because that's money I should be saving), I saw my mum and Laura coming towards the station. They got closer and closer until they were about 10-15 meters from me and yet they still didn't see me, even though I was right in front of them. I wondered if they were ignoring me, and I wasn't going to say anything to them, but then decided to do so. I just said a simple 'hello' to them and Laura noticed it was me, then my mum. A cab pulled up at the same time, so after a quick hello we had both gone our way. Me home, and them on the train. I didn't ask why. I don't particularly feel like talking to my mum.
Once home, I began running everything through my mind once more, like I've been doing over the past two days. Everything to do with moving out. It seemed so much easier now that I had someone else involved in it with me, even though I was still doing all the work for it, because though Paul sincerley does want to move out, like me, he has no idea how to go about doing it. I kind of felt better knowing that someone else didn't have a clue what to do, and that I wasn't just being stupid.
Shortly after sitting down at the computer, Nicola messaged me on MSN and we began chatting. I explained to her about me and Paul.
Neil says:
I have to go back to the office tomorrow with a letter stating I need a place for two
Nicola says:
yeah well go for it.. you do realize that you will prolly be waiting longer.. and if he pulls out then you will have to find more rent than if it were for a place for one...
Neil says:
Yeah, I know this...but how can I not accept? It'd be so much easier with someone else there too
That's a good point. A longer wait. And what if he does pull out? I feel as if the benefits of waiting longer will be better than moving in on my own. But, at the same time, time is against me, and I don't want to get to the point where I am being forced out, rather than threatened with being forced. Hmm.
Neil says:
Do you think it's ok for me to keep claiming income support though i'm at college?
Neil says:
Would they let me keep claiming if they knew?
Nicola says:
I think you can if you live alone although I dont think you can as it is with you now.. with college and living at home..
Nicola says:
nope
Nicola says:
something you really do need to think about is DLA... you are entitled to it you know..
Nicola says:
even though you say your not..
Neil says:
Ok well do you think I am?
Nicola says:
yeah I do.. I think youa re entitled to it and that can be claimed as well as going to college and working full time.. so it is definately something to bare in mind..
She then said she would ring her mum who works at the Department of Social Security and ask her about my situation...
Nicola says:
Fuck me that is a nightmare.. I am sorry Neil it dont look that hopeful..
Nicola says:
apparently you shoudl be entitled to Housing benefit and Council tax benefit.. but income support you shoudlnt be on.. and also DLA is a definatel no no.. Inapacity benefit and sickness benefit you cant do college..
Nicola says:
either way you cant do full time education and ge any form of benefit.. it seems that the benefit system is wayward on that one.. the only way my Mum rekons you can do it is to go to the Student Sevices... and ask them they may be able to point you in the right direction for claiming benetifs and or Grants/Loans to get you through the last bits of the course..
Neil says:
I think it's unfair that i'm not allowed to claim, when i'm trying to get ahead in life by going to college as well, which would help me get off benefits.
Neil says:
I knwo I know exactly.. I am sorry I asked mum if there is anyway round it and she said not really..
Neil says:
How much is housing and council tax?
Nicola says:
the only think I can think is that you go to the Student Services and ask them about Grants to get you through if not Grants then where to go about a loan... if you can get through the rest of this course with that then you shoudl be ok..
Nicola says:
40.00 a week and council tax about 10.00 a week
Nicola says:
ish
Neil says:
...a lot less than income support then
Nicola says:
well basically if you were to claim income support and drop otu of college then you would be covered.. straight away and you could afford it..
Nicola says:
I knwo that sounds really fucked up but it is true..
Nicola says:
my advice to you is to give up college
Neil says:
I can't give up the best thing that's happened to me
Nicola says:
yeah I know... but I cant see another way.. other than stayign at home..
Neil says:
My friends, my course...I can't give them up
Neil says:
For the first time ever, I actually have friends and a course that is great.
Nicola says:
I am sorry Neil..
Neil says:
I NEED college.
Nicola says:
if you cant then I will.. she cant speak to people like this..
Neil says:
Otherwise what do I have?
Nicola says:
Neil... you have the option to go back you just need more money behind you..
Neil says:
The same people won't be there. My friends.
Nicola says:
you can stay in touch with them you just cant let this be the end.. you just cant.. Neil sort this out... you have the power no one else...
Neil says:
And what do I have in the meantime? Be stuck in a flat, living on income support, no friends, and nothing to do all day.
*sigh*...things just don't work out for me.
So, to clarify...
I'm not entitled to income support because i'm doing full time college, trying to make a life for myself.
If I wasn't in college, I'd be entitled to income support and have no prospects for a better education and a decent job. I'd also lose my friends, since it's not like I'd see any of them if I wasn't going to college.
I am entitled to about �130 a month in benefits, if I was living on my own, regardless of whether I was going to college or not.
Now, I know you're going to say something like 'Well I don't claim income support and I go to college and have a part time job so why can't you?' and I do actually agree with you. However, circumstances are changing and i'm not sure if I could support myself on only a part time job if I was living on my own or even with Paul. I don't have enough free time off college to earn enough, since i'm in college 2 full days and 2 half days.
Once again, i'm really worried. Like I said to Nicola, up until about two weeks ago, I really didn't know that I wasn't allowed to claim income support while going to college. Like I also said in my previous entries, I don't want to claim something if i'm not entitled to it, however, without the money that I recieve, I have nothing to live on and now that moving out is creeping up on me, that is extremely worrying. If a part time job won't support me if I move out and I can't claim income support and go to college, what am I going to do? I'm in such a dilemma. What do I do? Sure, you can say 'get a job', but like I just said, it's not going to be enough. And even if I began working tomorrow in preparation for moving out, it still wouldn't be enough (if I came off income support) because although this course is only one year, I intend to go onto the higher level, which is a two year course.
Somehow, I have to support myself, independantly for the next two and a bit years, financially, and go to college as well.
HOW DO I DO THIS?
I know that there is a very very high possibility that this time next year, I won't be living at this house no more. And when the time comes that I do have to move out - whether it be of my own will or by demand - i'm not going to be able to support myself financially if I don't come up with some sort of solution.
Once again, i'm in over my head.
Help...
