I'm ready to break down.
My head has had enough.
It was all under control. I was feeling ok all day. I forgot about things at home. And then I came home...
But let's start this entry yesterday to begin with.
I don't know if I wrote it in my last entry, but I rang James Riley and I told him the situation. He sounded concerned, but I don't think he realises the gravity of the situation. He gave me an appointment for next Monday. He kept inquiring about whether I was still going to college. That's all he ever seems to be bothered about, even when I've just told him i'm being told to leave my house.
Then I had the long conversation with Nicola, and then Amy too. It's amazing how many people want to help me out. I have many chat screens open at the same time, all talking about the same thing.
Chris finally got my camera last night. It's very nice. �100 it cost. My mum did say she'd go half with me on it, but who knows if this still stands the way things are. He came up to my room with it and showed me how to work it. I don't know why, but he didn't ask for the money which I owed him. I felt like seeing how long it'd take for him to ask me for the money, but it didn't come up and he ended up standing in my room for 20 minutes talking about computer stuff. I didn't offer the money on purpose because I wanted him to see that I am capable of talking to him if he actually gives me a chance to, since I know he doesn't think much of me.
In the end though, I just wanted him to get out my room cos I was running out of things to talk about with him so I 'suddenly remembered' that I had to pay him and he left straight after. I played with the camera for a bit, before coming back to the computer and then going to bed at 12. I went to bed last night feeling worried, but still confident and not as worried as I'd felt.
And then today...
Woke up, went to college. On my way, I bought some film for my new camera Once there, I met up with Leanne, and then Stan. After a few minutes, Dave (teacher) came along. As he let us into the room, he said that it was the last lesson he'd be having with us. We asked him why and he said he'd tell us when the rest of the class were in.
Once everyone had arrived, Dave explained why he was leaving. Apparantly the other photography course he tecahes had had a low turnout rate and it was being finished. Since he was only a part time teacher, there was now no need for him so he had to leave. It's quite a shame actually, because he is our best teacher and I really like being taught by him.
He had a look at my camera and he said it was a very good one. I put one of the films in and then took a few shots in the classroom. After a while of sitting in the classroom, Dave asked for ideas of what to do for the morning, since he wasn't sure. In the end, we ended up going in the darkroom to print a negative each, off Stan's roll of film. Just as more practice. The darkroom isn't completely dark for most of the time; it is bathed in a dark red light, which plays havoc with your eyes if you're in there for a long period of time.
As usual, everyone was messing about and i'm much more interested in actually doing some photography work. I managed to do a print shortly before it was lunch.
I accompanied Dave (friend) down to the photo store which was 20 minutes away. The pics he took were ok, but nothing special. Some good ones though. He said that if you get your prints developed there, you get a free film too. I beared this in mind.
We then made our way to the Liverpool shop, which is a shop full of Liverpool Football Club stuff. Shirts, footbals, etc. The reason? Because there is a cometition currently being held by the college. The aim is to take a picture of something related to sport. It can be anything. A football, a hockeystick, someone's bedroom covered in sport posters etc - And that's what won last time the competition was held; Someone's bedroom dedicated to LFC. And the prize? A cool �1000. That's all the incentive I need to take some pictures.
Once at the LFC shop, we asked the manager for permission to take a few shots. We didn't think he'd mind, since we'd already done it once a few weeks ago and he said yes then. However, this time, he said no and I was a bit confused as to why. I explained that it was just for a college project and he still said no. He said we could take pictures outside, but not inside. Me and Dave left, with me feeling pretty annoyed because I don't see what's so bad about taking a few pictures.
We made our way back to college.
For the afternoon, Dave (teacher) gave us another task - To find an image to put it the neg carrier (something you put film negatives in to make prints) instead of a film negative which would then project onto a piece of photo paper. Then, he wanted us to find something else to put on the paper to make the image more interesting. It sounded hard. It was hard. I decided to draw something on a piece of paper and use that in the neg carrier. Easy enough. I asked if anyone was coming the darkroom with me, but no one moved so I just went on my own. Doesn't bother me being on my own. I get more work done.
After about ten minutes of me being in the darkroom on my own, Dave (teacher) came in to see if I was ok. I think he realises that i'm not like the rest of them, since he told me how he was tired of everyone messing about. I agreed with him. He helped me with what I was doing, before saying that I should bring my camera and stuff to the darkroom. He went and got them for me and then shortly afterwards, Stan appeared, and then every else as well. We spent the afternoon in the darkroom just doing prints of various things. I'm still bad at doing prints, as they always turn out underexposed. I'm always eager to learn though, which is more than can be said for the majority of the class.
By 2pm, Dave (teacher) said that he had a headache. I wasn't surprised teaching that class. All anyone wants to do it seems is go home. They always ask if they can go home early. At 11am in the morning. It just annoys me a little cos i'm there to learn, but most of them don't seem too bothered. He asked one of them if they'd go and buy him some paracetamol for his headache, since he had to stay to mind the class. "Do we get to go home early if we go and get them?", one asked. "No", Dave replied, tired. While this little conversation went on for a few minutes, I walked over, said 'gimmie the money, I'll go'. "You sure?", Dave said, "Yeah", I replied. And off I went. They were doing my head in as much as his. The pharmacy is 30 seconds from college so it's not like it's a long haul. God knows why people can't just help out more.
Returned soon after, gave him the paracetamol and change. Returned to doing my printing.
I heard one of them mention something about putting their watches forward an hour to make Dave think it was time to go home earlier...
...and they actually done it.
...and got away with it.
We were supposed to be there till 4pm. By 2:50pm, people were saying it was 3:50pm and it was almost time to go. Since Dave was so rushed about and tired and stuff, he fell for it and let them go an hour before he should of. I didn't move, though. Just sat on the floor (there are no seats in there). "Can we go Dave?", I asked, knowing full well it was 3pm. But, I thought perhaps he knew too. "Yeah, you can", he said. "You know it's only 3pm right?", I told him. He looked surprised for a split second, only to have a look of 'oh fuck it' on his face. He didn't care. I don't blame him.
"You can go if you want or you can stay and do more printing"
"I'd rather actually stay and do more printing"
So in a darkroom made for 12-14 people, Dave and me, his sole pupil done some printing. After another twenty minutes, Stan came back and said that he was simply on a break and that he wanted to do more printing too. For the next 40 minutes, we were in the darkroom doing stuff. It was fun, even if I did get it wrong.
Going back to the competition I mentioned, I'd asked Stan if he had any ideas for it and he said that he had a basketball and that there was a basketball court. I asked if he wanted to go do that after college and he said yes.
At 3:40pm, we decided to go, since we were free to anyway. I said goodbye to Dave and we left. I probably won't see him again. I think he was truly underappreciated by our class.
Me and Stan made our way back to his house. He said it wasn't far. It must of taken at least 30 minutes! Plus, my feet were already aching from all the walking I'd already done. My feet weren't made for walking.
Finally, when there, he got his basketball and we went to the court. I had 11 pictures to take and we used them all, even though daylight was quickly fading.
Caught the bus back into town, put the film in the photo shop and got a free film. They'll be ready for Friday, which is the deadline for them, since a tutor needs to enter them in the competition for Monday.
Seen Tony on the way home - Laura's schoolfriend. I like him. He's a nice guy. I consider him my friend too. Caught the train home with him and made my way home.
My mum was sitting in the living room when I got back. I said hello, in the nicest possible tone, since I was feeling pretty high because of what I'd been doing all day, but I was greeted with silence. I went into the kitchen, only to hear "we need to talk" from her.
And then the hour of full on arguing began...
...but since this entry is huge already, I will write about it in the next.
