Went to Connexions yesterday and saw Rachel, who is the one that deals with me. Damn, it was hot yesterday, and yet I still decided to wear my black jacket. Why? Because i'm just stupid.
Thankfully inside Connexions it was nice and air conditioned.
She asked me some questions about what I want, whether it be a job, training, or just getting out more. I said that I'd like some training in something, but I wasn't sure what, but having said that, graphic design appealed to me. She took a look on her computer to see what there was and there was nothing. All the graphic design jobs were in St Helens, or Ormskirk, which is too far for me to travel.
We then looked at getting me out more and she suggested a '12 or 26 week, team-based programme of personal development training aimed to develop confidence, motivation and skills through teamwork in the community'
You will gain a nationally recognised City & Guilds profile of achievement and Key Skill units, first aid, food hygiene. You will develop team working and communication skills, uncover hidden talents, improve motivation and self confidence, assume some responsibility and gain awareness of your local community.
Sounds ok, I guess. I'm a bit wary of that though. I just don't want to be stuck with a bunch of people I don't even like, even though I could just not go a second time or whatever.
Whether it sounds bad or not, I only like certain people. I TRY to like everyone, but it doesn't work. I've expressed in this diary about how much I like people like Hana or Lisa. They're my type of people. They're on my level. Not a lot of people are on my level. I'm not on theirs. It's rare that I do find people who I really do like, so spending some time with strangers doesn't fill me with excitement, because I know it's more than likely there will be no one there who I can truly relate to. I'd like to be wrong, though.
I freely admit that I am selective about who I am friends with. But it's not like you're not selective. Everyone has their best friends, the people who you could spend hours around. Then you have you friends, who you could hang out with now and again. Then you have your accquaintences, who, you don't mind talking to, but don't really want much to do with them. For me, the only relationships that actually mean something are the best friends. To be honest, I don't really like the idea of just being around people who might be friendly and stuff but that I don't really want to be around.
I take comfort in the fact that there are people who I want to be around, though. I'm not so selective that my standards end up with me not liking anyone at all. For example, when I went to that gig with Rachel and her brother, Sean, I thought he was really cool and just my kind of person. I felt at ease around both of them, even though I'd only known Rachel online and I'd never even talked to Sean. So there are people I like.
Talk about going off subject...back to Connexions.
So, yeah, she showed me that. Prince's Trust Volunteer's Programme.
We discussed work and training for graphic design places. I told her about the website I'd been paid for, which she viewed. I told her about my portfolio of artwork, which she also viewed, but, although she kept saying everything was great, she looked a bit mystified as to what she was actually looking at, since she didn't really know how to use a computer anyway.
She viewed one of my songs and liked it and then she said if I was interested in song writing, that there was a course in it at Liverpool Philharmonic. I said that it sounded good and she's going to look into it more.
She asked me for the address I'd just given her so she could look at more of my art later.
"http, colon, slash slash..."
"is a colon that one? (;)"
"No, two dots"
"Oh, ok"
Is it just me or is something wrong with this? Her lack of knowledge with the computer, not being able to spell properly (she made a few spelling mistakes) and damn, she wrote out at least 7 post-it notes with nothing that actually needed to be written and then she was treating me as if *I* was the one who was slow. Sorry, but it frustrates me a lot being talked down to, when I make a point of showing her that I don't need to be.
She printed off information about graphic design. I don't know why. All it is is telling me what graphic design is about. Uhh, I already know, i'm a graphic designer remember?
One of the things she said she needed me to do was to write a CV. I asked her what the hell I was supposed to put on it, since I don't exactly have any qualifications and she said put on any work experience I'd had, including the website I'd designed.
We discussed getting me out more in a non-job sense too. She said that she was taking a group of lads go-carting on Tuesday and asked if I'd like to come. I said yes, wearily.
"It's Tuesday, at 5pm", she said
"Ok"
She began writing another post-it note with this on, only to mess it up and start a new one.
"I don't need it, I can remember it"
"Oh, ok then", she said, "Now what time is it at?"
"Tuesday, 5pm"
She should get sponsered by post-its.
But, anyway. Kirkby. Kirkby lads. It doesn't exactly sound like the people I want to be with. No, really this time. I kept imagining myself turning up as gothed up as possible, and all of them in LaCoste tracksuits. Yeah, they'll really like me...
But seriously, that's how I feel it's gonna be. Ok, so I won't be looking that much different really, but I know I'll feel different and I know they'll feel it too. Plus, they all know each other as well. It's like feeding me to the lions! I might cancel. Go-carting good. Kirkby lads not good. Besides, apparantly only two carts are allowed on the circuit at a time. What kind of a race is that! Put a few on!
So, to recap, this is what she's looking into for me:
Graphic design training - Whether it be as an apprentice, work experience or a college course that isn't at Kirkby college.
Prince's Trust - I guess it's worth it.
Song writing - BUT, i'm VERY skeptical about that. I think you would be too, when you read the brief and it's called 'Groove Zone' and is for aged 13+.
...I mean, Groove Zone? You KNOW it's not gonna have anyone who even has hair on their balls yet.
She put the information about the Prince's Trust and the graphic design information in an envelope, then was about to write my name on the front of it. "Oh yeah, I don't need to write your name on it do I".
She said contact her if I change my mind about the go-carting and then started looking at her computer and writing stuff. "Uhh, is that it?", I asked her, since I wasn't sure whether that was my cue to leave or not. "Yeah, that's it", she said, I'll see you on Tuesday. I got up and was expecting her to show me out, but nope. I thought that was just a common courtesy.
All of that took place over an hour. Ah, it got me out for a bit at least. Heh, I was cooler in there than I am sitting in this bedroom. I will more than likely be cancelling the go-carting. I'll make another appointment with her at the same time, so she can tell me what's happening with what she's finding out for me. So i'm satisfied with how it all went.
That's about it. Not much more to say, other than i'm regretting saying that Kirkby isn't affected by the heatwave, because yesterday and today it is and all my little fan does is blow warm air at me.
God this is a long entry isn't it? It's ironic that it takes so many words to detail just an hour of my time spent at Connexions.
You must add me to MSN!: [email protected] - You said you wanted to talk to me, well I want to talk to you too so add me!
y dont u be relly kewl n sign my gbook?!!11
