Onto my normal ramblings now and sadly, this won't be a happy entry, although it's not a depressive one either as such.
Firstly of course, is Katie. It's been lovely having her here for the past few days again. She's already detailed everything really so I won't go over it again. As always though, I regret not hugging her more and hope she returns soon!
Want to see a kitten and a tribal warrior? Or, how about a kitten and a tribal warrior together?
As I was tidying stuff away from Katie's Valentine-making marathon and putting stuff under my bed, I found a big envelope with my name on it and Katie shouted at me to put it back and I wasn't to open it. I did as I was told! Once I got back home from saying goodbye to Katie yesterday though after a few hours, I remembered it and went to look for it, but the crafty little girl had rehidden it! I spent 20 minutes looking all over my room for it. I looked in the place she left the lovely letter she left last time, but it wasn't there. I looked THREE times in the same place before I eventually found it.
I opened it and pulled out it's contents, to reveal a truly heartwarming Valentine's card that she'd made. I couldn't stop smiling. On the front was Mr Pooh which is typical cute Katie. I then opened it up to find this and that smile just grew and grew to the point where I was nearly in tears and yet laughing as well. Here's the back too. Along with the card was also a list of things I could do and a quote from the bible which touches me every time I read it. I'll post the quote in another entry. Thankyou SO much Katie for it all. You are truly amazing. Thankyou!
Today, sadly the smile turned to a frown. But to truly understand the reason why, let me take you back 7 years.
7 years ago, I woke up one morning and there was a pain in the sole of my foot. No big deal of course, I mean I thought it'd go on it's own. It didn't. It got worse. Worse to the point of it hardening and turning black and hurting like hell any time I tried to walk on it. Naturally, the doctors' was the next port of call and he was perplexed so he referred me to someone else, who in turn referred me to someone else. I got everything from 'have you ever trodden on a thorn or nail?' to an indirect 'you're doing it for attention' (great huh?). I went to doctors, chiropodists and even an acupuncturist. This went on for about TWELVE months. 12 months of having to walk on either my toes or the side of my foot. I was given crutches but I found them difficult to use. I was given a wheelchair, but who wants to be seen in a wheelchair in school? I tried my best to try and walk and all the time I was making it worse because my leg was beginning to adapt to my foot's new shape.
After a year of this, finally, someone decided that it would be best to operate on it. They floated the term 'Planta-fibramatosis' around, saying that that was perhaps the case, but that was later dismissed. The operation went ahead and a small fatty cyst was removed and I could actually walk properly again. However, because my foot and leg had already adapted, I was still walking strange. For about another year this continued until finally it was decided that the best course of action would be physiotherapy on my foot and leg to relax the muscles, which should of been done shortly after the operation. After this, all the pain and discomfort was gone and Neil had two healthy feet.
This morning...it returned.
This morning, when attempted to place two feet on the ground I found that I had a pain in my right heel. I dismissed it and tried again. Pain. I looked at my heel only to find it was blackening. I couldn't believe it. I still can't. The lump is back after 7 years. Hell of an entry so far, yes?
I told my mum and she thought I was joking. I showed her it and she still couldn't believe it.
I had an appointment with James today and although I had to once again start walking on the side of my foot, I felt as if I could go, since I didn't have to walk too far. However, I find that my good leg/foot was aching after a very short while because most of my weight was on it.
The appointment with James was fine. Though this problem has presented itself, I still feel pretty happy. I told him about it and showed him and we talked about it for a bit, before moving on to my mood and what I can do to keep it that high.
I asked what 'Cognitive Therapy' was. I already knew, but I needed to work it in to the conversation. He began explaining it and I asked if I thought it may help me. He said it might, but that it's more intense than how he treats me.
A brief explanation of CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy): Your thinking affects your doing. They try to turn 'I can't do that' into 'I can do that' basically.
In the end, he said he'd put in a request for me to go see a CBT person. It's right by where I live.
After my appointment I made my way to the train station as normal and although it's not very far from where I see James (almost literally over the road), my legs were aching. Got the train, came home.
Valentine's day tomorrow. I swore I wouldn't buy into it but yes, I have and not in the way I intended to either, but actually better. So yeah, I know of two lucky people who'll be getting something from me, each special, and each very different. I hope you like them.
Apologies for the huge entry, and thankyou to those who posted again! Extra special thankyou to Katie again for the card.
10:31pm
