It's hard to dimiss Valentine's day as simply a commercial holiday when all around me, I see people expressing their love for each other moreso than usual. It makes me sad and it makes me jealous.
Laura made her boyfriend, Chris a meal tonight. It looked really romantic. Jealous.
Paul, my mum's boyfriend left roses, a card and 'Love me' socks on the mantlepiece. Jealous.
Lisa went out with a guy to the pictures tonight. Jealous.
Jealous.
In an attempt to somehow show my love regardless of the fact that I don't have any coming back to me, I decided to make two people happy. The first, was Katie.
Last night she was saying how she'd given money to her little brother to buy her a rose because she really wanted one, but he wouldn't get one for her and she felt down over it. So, as we were talking, I decided to place an order for a single rose online without her knowing. When she said goodbye to me, I told her "I promise you'll be happy tomorrow. I promise". I kept my promise. I woke up this evening to find a message from her on MSN saying I was the bestest friend ever and thanking me for the rose. I felt like I had made a difference.
The other person who I made happy was Lisa. On Wednesday we were talking about Valentine cards and how she didn't expect to get any. I said that I wanted to get her one, but she said it wasn't necessary. Of course, like that's gonna stop me. Yesterday, I had all intentions of going to town to get a card after I'd been to see James, but due to the resurfacing of the lump on my foot, I couldn't. Instead, I decided to be a bit more original and use my artistic skills along with a lot of love to make her a card I could send her online with a small poem. Have a look if you wish.
A few minutes ago I gave it to her and she said it meant a lot to her and I was happy that she'd liked it.
So although February 14th is indeed just another day, to the Western world it's more than that. And although I try to fool myself into thinking that i'm not bothered by it, I am and I tried to make an effort to feel a little less alone.
I'm glad it's over.
New art time now. This piece was made last night and it took around 2 hours to make. There were a lot of adjustments to it before I finally thought it was finished but i'm happy with how it's turned out. Very dark and very grungy. It's called The Object Of My Reflection. Comments are very appreciated.
Going back to my foot now. Though I tried to ring the doctor's yesterday evening, they weren't open. I was up all night last night and so couldn't ring them today either but I left a note for my mum to ring. Whether she did or not though I don't know, since she's at Paul's tonight. For your viewing pleasure, here's the lump in all of it's glory. It actually doesn't look as bad on camera.
I talked to the wonderful Poppy last night for what seemed like hours. She posted a pic of herself on her diary and my, what a gorgeous girl she is! How she can say she's unattractive I'll never know. She also was kind enough to at long last link me in her buddy list which I feel honoured by. Her description of me in it is "The equivelant of spending a night with a boy from the other side of the stars", which I think is really romantic.
We played 'guess what Neil is drawing on the webcam' for a while at 6am in the morning. It was fun.
One day, i'm going to be loved, wanted and kissed.
12:11am
