I guess the feel good days ran out.
Lonely. No friends. No one to give me a hug. No one here with me. I need someone here with me. A hug. A kiss. Anything. Something to make me feel better than this.
My head feels like it's covered in fog. There is a haze in my mind. I can't see things cleary in my mind. Everything is dark. Horrible. Empty. Lost. Suffering.
In just over a week it's going to be 2003. A new year. A new start. Everything will change January 1st.
No it won't. Of course it won't.
Jnuary 1st wil just be like any other day for me. It won't bring anything different into my life. I'll still be as depressed as I am now.
I can't take this depression no more. Being happy once has made me unable to cope with this low, low depression. I grew used to being at least a bit happier and now i'm back to this depressive state, it feels so fucking horrible.
Laura has had her boyfriend here all night. They are happy. They are in love. I am jealous.
My mum has been out with her friends all night. I am jealous.
Laura will be going out with her friends on Christmas day. I am jealous.
Jealous. They have what I want.
Depressed. Very. I can't even sleep it away. I've already slept near 13 hours so now I'll be awake all night with these terrible feelings and thoughts.
Three people have said 'I don't know what to say' to me tonight. No one can help me. I'm a helpless cause.
This life of mine is slowly dying.
2:57am
