Around 7:20pm tonight, this is how a conversation between me and my mum went:
Her: "Neil?"
Me: "Yeah?"
Her: "We need to talk", in a very serious/angry voice.
Me: "What about?"
Her: "..." she doesn't answer, just goes about what she's doing, I continued doing what I was doing on the computer.
About 10 minutes later...
Mum: "I need to talk to you"
"What about?"
"I'm not going to tell you what exactly."
"Uhh. Ok?" "What am I supposed to of done?"
"I'll give you a hint. You pulled Laura a few nights ago didn't you?"
"Uhh, yeah..?"
"And that alone was wrong. It's normal what they're doing"
"I never said it wasn't wrong, I just don't want to hear it"
"What goes on in this house is private"
"Err, yeah, ok?"
"Laura, is furious and I am as well"
Living room door slams, conversation ends.
Strange, yes?
Now while all this is going on, my ears feel like they're on fire and i'm shaking all over. I'd just apparantly been accused of something, but not actually told what I've supposedly done. How am I supposed offer an apology? Though whatever I've done, I know it won't be anything as bad as what they're claiming and I don't apologise for things I don't think are wrong.
Slightly earlier on, while I was in bed, asleep, I woke up and heard my mum talking to Laura for a few seconds, while I was in a light state of conciousness. "And, he's even got about you and Chris in there", I heard my mum say. That's all I heard of the conversation, because I fell back asleep shortly afterwards, but as soon as I heard those words, my mind began racing.
Has someone found my diary? Has someone been reading everything I've wrote and how I've felt and thought? Has someone who knows my family read it? If they have, I think I'll have to consider either moving this diary, or, keeping it permanently protected because I can't have anyone as close as my mother and sister knowing about it.
I know it can't be Laura who's found it, because my mum was informing Laura of it. This is assuming that it was actually my diary that they've found. If it's not Laura, it can't be my mum because she can't use a computer. If not either of them, then that narrows it down to just two people that may have some kind of connection with my family. Liam, and Michael, my cousin.
I'm singling Liam out, because he does have the address to this diary and I know he reads it infrequently. I also know that he's on Laura's contact list and talks to her a lot of the time. However, as stated, Laura can't be the one who's anything to do with this, because it was my mum who told her. That rules Liam out for the time being.
On to Michael and this is a more viable 'suspect'. Michael is my mum's nephew (sister's son = nephew, right?). Michael has always been close to my mum and as such, keeps her aprised of anything important. Also, a while back, when things were on rocky ground with Claire, I talked to him and for some reason, began to explain to him the situation. "I know, I've read your diary", was his reply. Now, of course, this confused me at first, but then I realised I had the link to it on my profile on ICQ. It worried me greatly at the time, but, over time, I've forgotten about it, trusting that since he knew it was a diary, he'd respect my privacy. However, since he's the only one who I can think of who is remotely close to my family, his trust comes into question. Having said this, I've talked about many things in my diary before and none have prompted such a response from my mum, so Michael isn't as suspicious as first thought either.
As such, perhaps the question in hand is not about whether someone has found my diary at all. In which case, I've no idea what the question is. It's made harder by the fact that I don't know what i'm being accused of, but of course, since my mum has mentioned the issue of me pulling Laura for her loudness and Laura also being angry, i'm guessing I may have expressed my feelings about it to someone or other on my contact list that somehow knows Laura, but once again, that conclusion has to be wrong, since Laura was not the one who first knew - my mum was.
So for the time being, this diary will remain locked, until such a time that I can reopen it to whoever may wish to read. I've given the password to a few people on my contact list and really, that's all that matter to me. I realise that the people who have me on their buddy list will not be reading this, but I apologise to them anyway.
Tomorrow, I go to see James. I'm going to print off a copy of this entry and let him read to see what he thinks of the situation. Also, perhaps my mum will be so kind as to tell me what I've apparantly done wrong, since it'd make life just that little bit easier, when right now, my life is far from it.
It's not paranoia when they're really after you...
11:08pm
