And here I am. Alone. Again. No one to go anywhere with.
Before, I decided that I wanted to go and see '28 Days Later' and Laura came and told me that that's what she was going to see with Chris in just a few minutes.
After they'd both left, I decided that I was going to go see it later on, on my own, and then I decided to see if Lisa was on and she was. I asked her if she'd like to come with me, but she said no, because it was too late.
I asked Liam and he said no too because he had no money to.
It's now 9:50pm. The film will start in 20 minutes. I could still go if I really wanted to, but to be honest, the determination I had before of going has dissapeared because I don't want to sit there on my own. Cinemas aren't places for one person to go. It's always two or more.
Fireworks have been going off since around 6pm. They just annoy me this year. I used to love them. They don't do nothing for me now. Oogee is hiding under a table in my mum's room, scared.
And i'm here, in my room, alone, but then that's nothing unusual is it? I'm always alone. And when I try to incorporate other people into my life, it backfires.
I know that's extreme to say that, but well, that's how it feels.
I can just imagine myself in 10 years, on my own. Eating ready cooked meals from the box and watching mindless TV. I can imagine myself still coming online and writing in this diary and logging onto MSN. Except, in 10 years time, my contact list will have no one on it. They'll have all moved on. They'll all have fulfilling lives. And I'll be even more lost than I am now. My life is going to be one of death.
I just feel like breaking now. I can feel the tears welling up just under my eyes. I know that they won't come out though. No. My tears always manage to stay inside, even though I want them to come out, resulting in me feeling just that little bit worse than I already do.
I am just a failure and will never amount to anything.
9:57pm
