Woke up, feeling relatively awake, but I could feel myself started to feel tired as soon as I got up.
I don't eat of a morning. I get something while I'm walking to college.
Got the bus to college, feeling increasingly tired. I felt very light headed and like I was just gonna pass out there and then. I knew this was because I hadn't eaten anything yet and I was trying really hard not to just get off the bus and wait for another one to come take me home.
Eventually I got there, got something to eat and went to my first two hour lesson with Will. By this point I wasn't feeling that well. I was very quiet in lesson and had my head resting in my hand for a lot of the time. While everyone was contributing to the discussion about media stuff, I couldn't be arsed with it. Not only because I wasn't feeling well, but simply because it's all basic stuff that I don't need telling and the really bad thing is is that he thinks he's going to fast. I want him to go faster!
10am and we had a break.
"You ok Neil, you seem very quiet today", Will asked.
"I don't feel that well. I feel very light headed", I replied.
15 minute break and then back to the boring lesson, after which began our four hour break. Four hours. FOUR HOURS. It's too much, yet there's nothing that can be done about it.
As usual, I went the library. Wes joined me. As I said in the last entry, I've started reading the AS Level psychology book. Well, not really reading it cover to cover, but picking out parts that look interesting.
I read the book while Wes went on the net. After a while I joined him, although he's not really good with computers and I didn't have the heart to tell him that he was doing it wrong because he seemed happy enough doing what he was doing.
He then left after about 30-45 minutes and I stayed on the computer, looking at Media Guardian for a reason unknown to me.
20 minutes later and Wes came back. He sat at a table, recopying his notes. Martin announced that a class was using the computer soon and that everyone had to get off them so I sat with Wes and just talked to him as he was copying his work.
A while later, Michael came in. I thought I was being a bit slow, and that I hadn't noticed the fact that he now had no hair when I saw him in Will's lesson so I didn't say anything. But then Wes seen him and it turns out he'd just done it himself.
He went on the computer, as Martin had now said he could and I read a book on photography, or rather looked at the pictures. There were a few pictures that looked really cool and so I took a few pictures of them...
This one really amazed me. How cool is it?
This one's just artistic I think.
As I was taking these pictures, Wesley saw me and asked if he could have a look at the camera so I let him. If nothing else, it was a way to integrate better. Then Michael had a look and they began taking pictures of each other. They didn't delete them though and so...
Finally it was time to go to our next two hour lesson, which was from 3pm till 5. I sat next to another Michael, since I've talked to him before. I did the camera shoot with him and Lauren (who wasn't in today).
I was still looking at the pictures I now had on my camera and I showed Michael them. I then managed to get a pic of him as well. You now know what a few of my classmates look like. Now if only I could get one of Lauren and/or Chloe.
Lesson over, headed to the bus stop with Wes. We saw Chloe walking home.
"She's not bad her, is she that Chloe?", he asked me, looking at her walking away.
"No", I replied. "I think she's lovely. Got lovely eyes". I think he thought I was joking though because anyone else might say 'yeah, she's got a nice arse' or something like that.
He went on to say about how he doesn't like the typical bleach blonde haired, fake tanned girls. This guy has excellent opinions, don't you think?
So since we were on the subject of liking girls, this popped out...
"To be honest, I quite fancy Lauren".
There was such a burning desire to say it to someone. Don't ask me why, there just was so it came out and I felt regret about doing it, but also a kind of relief.
We stayed on this subject, I think mainly because I kept it going. I told him how she seems very quiet and although I've tried to talk to her it doesn't work. He then began giving me advice of some sorts and in my mind i'm thinking 'this is just a bit surreal'. I can't explain why I thought that though.
The bus came and the conversation still continued, branching off into other subjects as well, but keeping the main topic of me liking Lauren and now it wasn't my doing, but rather his.
I told him about how I try to talk to people, but I never know what to say and this is most true with Lauren.
We then got onto Chloe. "I'd love to get to know her better", I said.
"Well why don't you ask her for her phone number?", he said, in all seriousness.
"Yeah right", I replied, "she'd either laugh at me or think I was weird or something".
Few minutes went by.
"Look, put it this way", he said, "we're on that course for two years. She's (now on about Lauren) gotta talk to you in that time hasn't she?".
"No", I replied, "I don't think she has. I think it'd be easy not to ever have a conversation with her".
He laughed, with disbelief in his voice, shunting my thoughts on this and of course, anyone probably would but I can only think what's in my mind and my mind says I'll never get to know Lauren better.
I continued talking...
"I just want to get to know her better. Not even because I fancy her. I just want to know her as a friend".
He laughed, "Yeah right, don't patronise me" he said. I laughed, trying to tell him that I was telling the truth, but he wouldn't have it.
"Ok, so I would like more than a friendship with her", I admitted, "But I would like to be her friend as well".
A few minutes later.
"Don't talk to her then", he said. "Let her talk to you if she wants to".
This just confused me.
"If I don't talk to her though, she won't talk to me because she isn't one to initiate conversations with anyone"
He didn't agree with this though.
"I'd knock it on the head, mate", he continued. "Just don't talk to her".
"But I want to"
Didn't agree with me.
"You can tell you like her you know", he said, to my surprise, "You hover round her quite a bit".
Well this was news to me. I thought I'd been making a lot of effort to try not do that, but I know I do do it. I'm sure Lauren herself knows this as well and from her body language, as I've said, she doesn't like me. However, I give off all the wrong body language so if I was looking on the optimistic side of this, I could say she does too. I doubt it though.
So Wes now knows I like Lauren and Chloe. I'm sure Lauren knows I like her. Chloe I don't think does, because I hardly see her. Either way, the fact that Wes knows now means that there is a chance he'll go to Lauren and tell her this. At first, this worried me and I was gonna ask him not to tell her, but even if he does, it won't matter too much I don't think. Maybe if he does, he'd find out if she likes me and tell me yes or no?
I feel very appreciate of Wes. He's a really nice guy to have as a classmate.
Here's hoping if he does tell her, the reaction will be a positive one.
7:45pm
