Had to get up at 3pm for my appointment with James at 4pm. I was feeling very reluctant, because not only was I very tired, but also feeling very down. I managed to go though.
He asked how I was. "Not good", I replied. I could hear the exhaustion in my voice.
Conversation ensued about the note Claire had left me in my guestbook and the fact that it was the straw that broke the camel's back and all the time i'm telling him all this, I could feel the tears welling up inside me. I did not cry though, even if I wanted to.
I told him that I want to get in contact with Claire again. That that message made me want to do so. Yet I know if I do she will only hurt me more.
I wish you wouldn't do this to me. You said you don't want to talk to me no more and now you get in touch with me again. What do you want me to do??
I left there feeling very sluggish. I walked slowly to the train station, thinking about things. Caught it home. Shortly afterwards I went to bed and I only got up an hour ago.
College tomorrow. Another act to put on.
10:34
