I went to bed yesterday at about 9am, which was very stupid of me, since I had the appointment with James. I woke up at 1pm because I needed to go the post office with the keyboard to send it back to Jungle.com. I didn't, though.
Since I had only had four hours sleep, I was feeling rather sleepy and feeling sleepy makes me feel depressed.
I went for a shower to try wake me up. My mum had a dig at me. I don't think she realises how much it hurts. I just ignored it (kind of) and went for my shower.
Laura and my mum were going out to find a Tatoo for Laura.
They went out around 2:30pm and I got ready to go to the post office and then the psychologist's. I decided to print this off and show James it. I read it back after printing it. I began to cry. The hurt came back.
I didn't really feel like going the post office because well, I just didn't. So I screwed that and just went to see James instead.
He asked how I was and I said 'well, read this'. I handed him the printout and he read it, sighing halfway through. There was silence for a few moments and then he began talking about it.
Coupled with the fact that I was already feeling crap today then add what Claire done last week and I was ready for a breakdown. As he asked me questions about it all, I could feel the tears approaching. I tried to hold them back as much as I could, but after a few minutes, they began to roll down my face. James passed me the tissues and I wiped them away, more coming all the while.
Eventually I stopped crying after about 15 minutes and we began talking about it and other stuff. He didn't really say anything useful, but rather it was the fact that he was just there to listen and I found myself able to cry which was a good thing even though what I was crying about wasn't.
I left feeling slightly better, but slightly worse. I had been able to cry which was good, but it had brought the memories back which was bad because it made me feel like crying more.
I caught the train home and put McAlmont & Butler - Falling on. It's a favourite song of mine.
So that's basically the news of my day.
I asked Michael (my All Things Techy cousin) last night if he could find me a notebook style keyboard. Hopefully he will.
I have an appointment at the Job Centre with a Pauline on Friday at 2:30pm. I don't hope for anything from that.
I still want a badge maker.
4:31am
