I went to see Claire.
I woke up to the sound of the phone ringing at around 9am. I heard my mum pick it up and start talking to the person on the other end. From what she was saying to the person, I knew that it was Claire. After she had talked to Claire for a few minutes, she shouted up to me that she was on the phone and so I got up and went downstairs to talk to her.
Before I go any further I have to rewind to Sunday and tell you about that...
This conversation ensued.
In this time, I was also talking to Kate who was telling me that it was for the best and that I had done the right thing by saying goodbye to her.
After only 10 or 20 minutes, I recieved an email from Claire, saying she wanted to talk to me soon after I left and could I come back on MSN. I replied to the email, saying no, because she would only hurt me more, as she has done over the past few weeks with over reaction and misplaced anger.
She emailed me again, and I restated my answer. She emailed me at least another 5 times, pleading for me to unblock her. She asked if I could come on for just a second for her to tell me something and so in the end, after a fair few emails, I agreed. I unblocked her she apologised for how she had been acting. I couldn't really take her apology though, as much as it was sincere from her, because she has said sorry in the past and still hurt me later on.
I talked to her for about another 30 minutes, telling her how much she has hurt me in the past. She said she was sorry numerous times. She said her insecurity made her like this. I believe her and I have always been willing to see past it, but I can only take so much of it before it comes too much. She understood this, now that she knew I would/have to block her because it was too much for me.
I said I was going to go, and that I wanted her to think about things and in a few days, I'd unblock her and see what had happened, but of course she didn't like that idea. She said she needed to talk to me now, but I couldn't do that. She asked if she could talk to me in 10 minutes, after she'd thought, but of course, that was a definite no. I compromised, telling her I would talk to her on tomorrow (Monday) if she promised to think about things and she said ok and let me go.
Back to yesterday, after the phone rang...
I went downstairs to talk to her. I asked how she was and she said she was ok. A short silence followed, before she said she was sorry for jerking me around so much over the past few weeks. I sighed. She also apologised for getting me out of bed. She said she had told my mum not to wake me, but I was glad she did.
We talked for about 10 minutes and she said she had to go, because she was on the house phone, which meant that it was costing a lot to phone me. I told her I'd phone her back, but she said she wanted me to read what she had wrote in her new diary first and we could talk online.
I read through the diary and it was basically how she felt and she was feeling like she'd lost me.
I began talking to her online, and I said that I was still her friend, no matter what and I meant it, even though she had said she didn't want to talk to me the previous day.
Somehow she got onto the subject of surprising me one day, but coming to Liverpool and turning up at my door. I told her, that would be lovely.
I then told her that I felt like surprising her. I asked when anyone would be home and she said 1pm. I sigh to myself and continued the questions. I asked her if she could get out of the house for the day and she said yes. I told her I wanted to come and see her for the day and she said she'd like that. I checked the train times, to find that there was a train leaving Lime Street at 10:49am. The time currently was 9:40am, so I had little over an hour to get a shower, shave and whatnot and catch the train to Town. Almost impossible.
I said bye to Claire for the time being and went for a shower, making sure I wasn't in there for too long, before getting dried, dressed and going downstairs to make a drink.
By this time, it was 10:09am. I rang up to see when the next train from Kirkby station was and to my dissapointment, it was at 10:12am. I had to ring a cab and get to the station, which takes at least five minutes, in less than three minutes. Not possible.
Instead, I decided that although it would cost me near �10, I'd get a cab straight to Lime Street so I could still catch the 10:49am train.
I rang the cab, ran back to my room to tell Claire I'd be there soon. I told my mum I was off and off I was.
I got there with 10 minutes to spare, but unfortunately, the train was delayed by near 20 minutes, which meant that I could of got the train to town and saved the cab money, still, wasn't bothered.
After an hour on the train, I arrived at Crewe. I phoned Claire to tell her what time I'd be arriving at Rugby and then changed trains and off I went again.
Because the train was so packed, they told the customers who were inbetween cars that there were seats in coach G...first class! I got to travel in first class for nothing extra :D. Not that it was anything special, I mean the only thing I heard was the cups rattling on the table more than anything.
I got to Rugby at 1:20pm. As I stepped off the train, I saw Claire sitting in the distance. I began walking over to her when she saw me and got up and started walking to me. We smiled at each other. I opened my arms for her and she ran towards me. I took her in my arms and held her for a very long time. We stayed silent, just taking in each others touch. I put one of my hands on the back of her head, feeling her hair, stroking it. After a while, we looked at each other and kissed. A long, passionate kiss. We said hi to each other after that and began walking.
Exiting the station, we hugged again, and I asked her what we were going to do, since we couldn't go back to hers. Eventually, we decided that we were going to make love...in the woods. Something both of us had wanted to do for a long time.
We began walking. She said it felt like it was the first time meeting each other again. It didn't for me though, it just felt nice to see her again.
It felt like we had been walking for ages, and we had. My feet were aching so much. We walked and walked. My leather jacket was making me hot as well because although it wasn't sunny, it was very humid. Thankfully, Claire knew of a shop nearby and we got a drink which made me feel much better.
After we got a drink, we continued on to the woods, searching for a suitable place. We climbed up steep steps, only to climb back down another set. We then got to a shaded path, with a dirt path that led up a small hill through a few trees and we decided to go up that. It led us to an opening in the trees with flat ground. I took my jacket off and lay it on the ground, before laying on it and closing my eyes, because after all that walking, I was feeling knackered. I opened my eyes and Claire was sitting up looking at me smiling.
"Close your eyes", she said. I did as I was told and a few seconds later, reopened them to see her sitting there topless. A very nice sight. She leant over and we kissed for a few moments, before I sat up and took my shoes off as she did the same. She lay down on my jacket behind me and I lay on top of her, kissing her passionately. After a short while, I stood up and undressed in front of her, and I helped her out of her trousers.
She sucked me for a few moments, before placing a condom on me. I lay back down on her and she glided me inside her. I hadn't been inside her for near 6 or 7 weeks now. It felt really nice to be doing it again. To be making love to her. With her. Together.
The sun shone down on us as we made love for a while, kissing a lot. It began to rain as we did so, but that didn't stop us. The rain was only light and we were too enveloped in what we were doing to care. I came after a while and then I made her cum, all in the rain, and outside in the woods. It was such a nice place to be.
After I had made her cum, it began raining much harder so we got dressed and left the woods, now heading for the cinema, since we needed both shelter and something to do.
On the way, Claire was wet (but not becauase of the rain if you know what I mean lol), and she knocked on a few doors to ask if she could use their toilet. I couldn't believe she done that. I mean I wouldn't. Would be way too embarassed. Eventually after knocking on the fourth door someone answered and let her use the toilet. At this point, the rain was really coming down now, heavy and we were both soaked.
Eventually we got to the cinema, only to find out that there was nothing on at the moment. The next film was 4:45 and my train was at 6pm so of course we couldn't wait that long. Instead, we played air hockey, until it broke and then we went to McDonalds where we stayed for about 45 minutes.
While in there, we talked about us. What we were at that point. Where we boyfriend/girlfriend or not? I said I didn't know, but I knew that I loved her and wanted to be with her, even though I knew it wouldn't be possible until she had told her mum about us and she wasn't ready to do that, which meant that that would be the last time we saw each other for now. It also meant that that day was the last day we would be together as boyfriend and girlfriend for perhaps the last time ever.
The rain went off and we made our way back to the station, hand in hand. We didn't say much. Not because we didn't want to talk to each other but personally, because words would ruin the moment of just walking hand in hand with her.
We got to the station and it was 5:40pm. We wanted to have some fun before I left so we went into a cubicle in the men's toilets, not even noticing that there was a guy standing at a urinal. Thankfully, he didn't notice us and we locked ourselved in. We took our jackets off and started kissing for a while.
Because our stuff had been on the grass when we were making love and it was raining, Claire's top was still a bit wet so she took it off and asked me to dry it on the hand dryer outside. After I did that, she went to put it back on, but I took it from her and put it with our jackets. We played with each other in the cubicle, while people were passing in and out. We were trying hard not to make any loud noises. It was exciting.
I wanted to make her cum, but she said it was getting sore down there and she also couldn't contain her noises, so I stopped. Instead, she gave me oral and after I'd cum, it was 5:55pm and my train was due in five minutes.
We left the guy's toilets and waited for my train, only to hear that it had been delayed by 15 minutes. Claire said she couldn't wait that long because her mum would want her in very soon. She rang her mum and we hugged and kissing for a few more minutes. I walked her to the entrance of the station, kissing her, only to walk back to her and kiss her again. Eventually I kissed her one last time and we said goodbye. I went back into the station and my train soon came.
I left Rugby once again, this time knowing that although we may of only had a few hours together, they were happy hours. We parted on good terms. The way it should be.
So now we are broke up for the forseeable future. There is always a chance that we may get back together if we are both single in the future. However, Claire realises that I can't wait for her to tell her mum about us and if i'm with someone I will be happy with them and I won't be able to be with Claire. I also realise the same.
It felt very weird while we talked on MSN today at the end. We are broke up yet we still love each other. We said goodbye to each other and I wanted to say 'I love you' to her, but if we are broke up, we can't do that no more can we? I've always though of breakups being because of an argument or something negative like that, but this isn't the case and it's very confusing. It's going to take a long time to get used to the fact that I can't say I love you to her no more. I can't call her my baby no more. I can't make love to her no more. I can't do all the things that I want to do with her.
So I am single again, but I have Claire as a friend still. I am glad that she has realised that although she has lost me as a boyfriend, she still has me as a friend. Perhaps in time, she will learn to deal with her insecurities better than she has done in the past and whether it be with me or someone else, not act the way she has done with me in the past.
I hope for the both of us happiness and the love of someone. I still have hope that one day we will be together again. It might not be any time soon, but maybe, just maybe, in the future.
Maybe.
1:27am
