Yeah, I was awake till 6am. I got in bed at about 3am and just started thinking about how it's gonna be really nice to see my girlfriend (hehe, that sounds so strange but lovely) on Saturday and I couldn't help but think of nothing else.
I was first replaying Sunday over in my head. About getting off the train and waving at her, then approaching her, not knowing whether to hug her or not, but something coming over me and doing just that...3 times. I hugged someone I'd just met three times? heh, must be love :p.
I keep thinking about how we sat in her room and feeling so nervous inside because I wanted to kiss her SO much but didn't know if she wanted to kiss me and in the end, kissing her long and hard for what seemed like forever. It's a moment that is now imprinted in my mind and will forever remain one of the best moments of my life and the whole day in general is the best day of my life and yes, I do mean that.
I then started thinking about what Saturday will be like. I can imagine me getting off the train and running up to her, hugging her and giving her a kiss. When I thought about that I couldn't help but smile to myself. I can imagine us having an even better time than on Sunday, and Sunday was great, so if Saturday is better...wow.
I then started to wonder what it'd be like if she came to Liverpool and a rush of new ideas came into my head. I laughed to myself because all of these thoughts were so nice and it's been so long since I've had nice thoughts.
I imagined her getting off the train and searching for me, finding me and holding each other forever in the station. Then walking round town for a bit, holding hands and kissing. Then going back to mine and then just staying in my room for however long we wanted to and do whatever we wanted to. I have this plan of what we could do and although it's only an idea, I hope that one day, we can live it out.
I woke up this morning at 11am, and reluctantly after 30 minutes got up. I was feeling very tired because I hadn't got much sleep (your fault Claire hehe), but since I had an appointment with James Riley, I forced myself to wake up. I saw that Claire was on so I talked to her for a bit. I asked her would she like to come to Liverpool instead of me going there on Saturday. She said she'd love to, but her mum wouldn't let her :(
I can understand that though. I mean, although I know i'm a nice guy and Claire does, her mum doesn't and needs to get to know me better before she lets her daughter come and spend the weekend with me hehe.
So, on Saturday, i'm off to Rugby again to see my lovely lovely Claire. Yay.
I said bye to Claire, since I had to go and see James.
I sat in the waiting room for a bit until James came. I apologised for not making yesterday's appointment and he said it wasn't a problem at all. We sat down in his office.
"How are you?", he asked
"In love", I replied.
And from there, the conversation followed on about me meeting Claire. That's mostly what the session was about. Me and Claire. I thought he was gonna say well done and that he was happy for me and whatever, but instead, he took the approach that I know is his job to do.
He was saying how I should be cautious about this relationship. He said that he could see that I was on a high because of it. He asked me how I'd feel if the relationship ended with Claire and obviously, I said I'd feel hurt, which I would. He asked could I cope, and I said that I don't really know, since I haven't been in that situation.
He said that I should be aware of the possibility of not only Claire finding someone else, but I might too, and that if Claire did ever find someone else, that I should prepare myself for that, and have a plan as to what I'd do. I don't have a plan.
I'll always keep in mind that Claire could always find someone who she likes better than me. I doubt that will ever go. As to what I'd do should that happen though, I don't know. He said I was putting all my eggs in one basket because I said Claire was the only thing that mattered to me. He again, referred to the point about what I'd do if I lost that. I completely understand his point. I agree with him.
He wondered why I'd picked a girl who was in Rugby, rather than Liverpool and I said that I didn't 'pick' her. I read her diary, added her to my MSN list and only then did I find out she was from Rugby. She could of been from anywhere and I still would of liked her.
He put it to me that it might not be such a good thing to have a long distance relationship because I'm sensitive and it might be too intense due to the fact that it's not seeing each other every day and therefore the feelings may not level out.
I argued with him though. Is a long distance relationship not better for me in the fact that it's not as intense and seeing someone everyday and therefore being under pressure to think of things to say and do everyday? He then saw my point and agreed with me, taking back his point.
I like it when he does that. Makes me feel like i've accomplished something when he takes something back.
I defended the relationship and he said that he wishes me the best of luck with it but he said that I should be very cautious about it. I know he's only looking out for my mental health and that's why I like him.
Aside from Claire, I talked to him about College, and how I hadn't had a very good Christmas. I told him that I'd SI'ed in December and felt very depressed. He asked did I still feel like that and I said to a degree, yes.
I asked him about going back on the Prozac and he said it was a very good idea. Unfortunately, my mum dumped my tablets, because she thought I wasn't taking them no more, but she's gonna ring up and ask for more.
After the hour was up, he gave me an appointment for the 20th February, and then one for March 20th, which means I don't even have to wait a month for my next appointment which, in my eyes is a good thing because it means that I don't have to wait as long to tell him about things that have happened over the month before.
I forgot to take the diary extracts with me :(. I told him that I'd printed some out and he saidthat he'd really like to see them. I gave him my diary address, but I think he's wrote: http://where-i-fall.diary.land.com so it's not gonna work unless he realises his mistake.
I said thanks to him for seeing me and I went.
I needed to go the shop for my mum for some stuff and on the way, I felt like taking pictures, but there was nothing to take a picture of. I did, however, take THIS.
After I got the stuff, I went the post office to get my money out. It's cool. I'm now on �130 per two weeks! I was only on �63 before Christmas but for some reason it's gone up so i'm reeeeeally happy about that because that means I have more money for train tickets!
Saturday is almost upon us, and I am so looking forward to kissing HER again. I love her so much and it's getting through to me a bit more now as well.
10:59pm
