I was gonna go into college today, but after getting home at 2am, I really didn't feel like getting up at 7am, even though I did actually want to go into college, because I wanted to tell Jenny about Sunday. I would of gone to college, if the trains had been on time and I'd got home when I was supposed to of.
I woke up at 2pm and came online and talked to ANN who is lovely. I wish I could give her a hug. I guess in a way, it's because of her that me and Claire are together now, since Ann had Claire listed as one of her favourite diaries and I went to check it out. I think that's how it happened anyway lol.
I'm gonna go into college tomorrow. It's English in the morning, so that's easy. For homework last week, I had to write the next part of a story, after been given an 350 word extract from the original one. He said that I was supposed to end the story, but I haven't done that, since that'd take way too long. I did, however, write around 900 words whichs means I've more than doubled what the extract was which should hopefully be enough for him. He doesn't really want me to finish the story anyway, I know it's just to see how well I use grammar and punctuation and also see what kind of words I use. He knows i'm intelligent and I respect him for that. I respect him for not treating me like i'm stupid.
I talked to Claire for an hour on the phone. Infact, over an hour. More like an hour and fourty five minutes! I love hearing her voice. I love hearing her say "I love you". That is SO nice. I can't wait to see her again so I can hug and kiss her more because I LOVE DOING THAT!!!
I still feel like there is something missing in my life and I think I know what it is. It's the distance thing. Claire is so far away :( Although we are girlfriend and boyfriend, it doesn't fully feel like that because we won't be able to see each other every day. Having said that, when I do get to see her, I know that it'll be even more special than if I were to see her every day...I think. Although it feels like something is missing, the hole in my heart is now considerably smaller.
It sounds strange to say that I have a girlfriend, since I never have done before. I know I love Claire, but it sounds strange saying it, since I've never said it before. All these things are nice things, but at the same time, are unusual to me and I don't think it's gotten through to me just what I now have. I hope it does though. I hope this emotionless wall inside my head has a lot of holes in it so that feelings such as love and happiness are allowed to get through and then maybe I can feel how I know I should be feeling.
I know that doesn't make much sense. Let me try again.
I know that having Claire as my girlfriend and loving her is a good thing. However, because I have such a hard time expressing any emotions, those feelings of happiness aren't getting through to me and I still feel numb, even though I know that my heart feels happier. That wall inside my head is still standing strong and I wish it wasn't. I need someone to break it down.
Maybe in time, Claire will be that person.
12:51am
