Right now, it's 9:04am and I'm in college for 1pm. I know Anna will want to know why I was off yesterday and I think I'll ask her if I could talk to her for a few minutes, and try to explain to her that my head was about to explode yesterday and I didn't want a repeat of it. I hope she understands. All I can do is apologise for being off. I only stay off if I think it's necessary and yesterday I think it was.
I hate being off college really. You've seen my older entries in December. They're not good. I think being off for three weeks triggered another wave of depression and now I have to try and get rid of it somehow and I don't know how. All I can do is try going to college and hope that it goes somehow. Maybe college will be enough of a distraction and my mind will focus on the work, rather than wanting to just curl up and die.
I say I'll tell Anna about why I was off, but i'm not sure what I'll say to her. I mean if I were absolutely truthful I'd say "Anna, Monday I felt like dying for most of the day and drawing was the last thing on my mind.", which, although is exactly right, I don't think she'd understand how serious I am. Instead, I'll probably try to expand on it a little bit and tell her that sometimes I get very depressed some days and just don't want to do anything and that it rolls over into the next day and even the next day, which it does. I don't feel like going in 100% but I know that it might help me feel better, and also, if I don't go in, she'll only ring here and ask why I haven't come in.
I want life to be easy for once.
9:11am
