I decided that I was going to go in college in all of my new clothes today. A long sleeved black t-shirt, black trousers, black boots and a black leather jacket to top it all off. I walked out of the house for the first time in my life actually thinking "I look good".
I felt like I was wearing the right things for once. I felt like I stood out. I liked it.
On the bus I got, Stephen was on it who was someone I know from school and who now goes to the same college as me. I asked him did he like my new look and he just said yeah. I think he felt a bit uncomfortable really lol. We both got off the bus and walked to college. He asked me why I'd decided on a new look and I just said that I felt like a change.
We said goodbye at the entrance to college and went our seperate ways.
I walked up to my class and thought about what kind of reactions I'd get from Kirsty, Catherine and Jenny. Before I walked in the door, I stopped, took a breath, and then opened the door. They were all turned the other way so they didn't see me at first. I said "Hello", in my normal voice and they looked around to see me walking over in my new look. Jenny's mouth opened, as did Catherine's and Kirsty looked amazed as well.
"Wow Neil you look really nice". That's what I got off Jenny, and Catherine as well and Jenny went on about how nice I looked for a good 20 minutes which I loved cos no one has done that before. Kirsty said I was looking really goth :). Catherine wanted me to try a necklace on with a cross on it, so I did and she said it looked nice on me. She then put it on me properly and I went to have a look in a mirror, but I didn't really suit it, so I took it off.
After all of the complements had been said, Kirsty asked me if I wanted to come to town with her and Catherine because she was meeting someone there, so I said yeah, because even though it wasn't anything exciting, it opens the door to her asking me to go other places with her. If I had said no, it wouldn't of been a good sign that I wanted to go places with her ad she might of thought twice about asking me to go anywhere else, but, I said yeah :).
We didn't do any work today in college. The first hour was spent doing a communication's lesson. Well, half the group anyway. It's basically to develop our interpersonal skills of talking and giving speeches etc. I'm not sure whether this half of the group are doing it because the people in it are bad communicators and we need help, or, if it's just a group and the other half will do it some other time. Either way, all it involved was writing a few details down about myself.
After that, and after break, we all had to go to the media room and watch a few short films. They were all about discrimination. I'd seen them before when I was doing my induction last year at Kirkby college.
Now, there are these girls in my class that aren't exactly my friends, but they're not like enemies either. They're just there. Since I've been in that class, we've talked but nothing lengthy. In the media room, they kept toying with me. 3 of them in total. They kept running a pen through my hair and on my back. They've not done this up until now. Perhaps it's just me and wishful thinking again, but I'm sure they like me, and moreso, it's because of those clothes I was wearing. I mean before I had those clothes on, they would of just kept to themselves. They're not my type, but still it's nice that people are taking notice of me :).
After college, we went the station and caught the train to town. Kirsty got on first, then me, then Catherine and since Kirsty sat down first there was a seat next to her and I sat there. Catherine sat on the opposite seat. Catherine just would have to comment that I sat next to Kirsty. It wasn't exactly by accident, but it wasn't intentional either. It's just a seat. No need for her to comment on it.
Me and Kirsty talked about random things. Although I was taking notice of what she was saying, I was taking notice of how lovely she looks moreso. It's a great excuse to look at someone you like when their talking to you.
We got off the train and walked to the court, which is where all of Kirsty's friends hang out. There was a guy there already and she went over and hugged him and she introduced me. I can't remember what his name was though. They got onto the topic of sex and who they were fucking and she said that she was gonna ask him for a fuck, but didn't cos he was already seeing someone. Anytime anyone says something like that, the casualness of asking for sex, it just annoys me. I really don't like it. I mean it's her life and she can do what she likes. I just personally don't like it.
After about 20 minutes, 9 other people came and she said hi to them all. They were all just talking about random stuff for god knows how long. I felt like the odd one out (as did Catherine for that matter), but I wasn't too bothered because I least I looked like I fit in with them all in black. It started to rain after about an hour so we went for some cover in the top of a car park and just continued to talk there.
There was one guy whose name I found out to be Paul who looked scary as hell, but actually turned out to be very very funny. He had a shaven head, but with three braided strands of hair coming from the front of his head and a small patch of hair around them. They came down over his face. He also had 10+ piercings in his eyebrow, bridge of his nose, ears and lips. He also had a very weird mouth because it was kind of in the side of his cheek when he smiled lol. He also played with his lip piercings a lot with his tongue which was a bit horrible.
We stayed in the top of the car park from around 5:30 till 7pm. In that time, me, Kirsty, Paul and Catherine talked while the rest either went home, or carried on talking. One showed us his arse lol.
Paul was very touchy feely with Kirsty which made me VERY VERY jealous of him. The fact that he could do that with her and she reciprocate as well. It was driving me mad. I mean at first, he was sitting on a wall, and she was inbetween his legs and he was hugging her, and then it was the other way round and she was playing with his bald head and just being really affectionate towards him and it made me feel really, hmm, I don't even know the word for it.
She talked about who she's slept with and it really does sound like she isn't the kind of person who's about to stay with one person and one person only. It's this that puts me off Kirsty, but at the same time, the fact that she's just gorgeous to me is something that puts me on her. I say to myself that I'd never go out with her, but I mean if the situation arose where I could go out with her, would I say no? Would I hell.
It was getting cold and it was raining and Kirsty was going home so I was too. She hugged Paul goodbye, and kissed him on the cheek, which made me sooo jealous again, but then she hugged me and she kissed me too on the cheek, which made me sooo happy! She done this with Catherine and someone else. Even though it was an all round thing, it still made me feel nice inside. The fact that Kirsty had just kissed me was lovely :).
Me and Catherine walked Kirsty to her bus stop which was only over the road and Catherine left to catch her bus somewhere else. She hugged Kirsty and then me and we both said bye to her.
Me and Kirsty didn't say much at first, so I decided I needed to say something and I just said "So, do you like my new look", and she said yeah she did, which got the ball rolling and we starting talking. She then said "You'll have to come the Kray with us" which again, made me happy. The 'Kray' is actually called the Crazy House. I've not been, so I don't know what it's like, but apparantly it's like the alternative to all the mainstream clubs and it's where all the goths go. I said yeah I'd come with her one Saturday.
We continued talking and I was thinking about how glad I was that I'd accepted her invite to come with her to town. It was all worth it to get that kiss lol. Her bus came after about 10 minutes and I hugged her goodbye and said I'd see her tomorrow in college.
I walked back through town to the train station and still, I felt like I stood out from everyone else. Again, it is a lovely feeling.
I got the train home and since I didn't fancy walking home (35 minutes by foot) I got in a black cab and that got me home at 7:30pm.
Although it wasn't much to most people, today was one of those days that I wish I had more of. It's one of those days that makes me feel good about myself and I haven't had a lot of those in my life and I think i'm due for loads.
It's days like that that make me want to go to college to see Kirsty more and when i'm not in college I miss her. Infact, I miss Jenny and Catherine too.
Today was great.
11:06pm
