I went deep with a cut on the top of my wrist. It wouldn't stop bleeding. It's 2cm long, and 1cm wide. I showed my mum and told her I think it may need stiches and she didn't know. In the end we went to the pharmacy down the road and asked the pharmacist did he think I needed stiches for the cut. He said yeah. So in the end we went to the hospital.
The waiting time was 6 and a half hours!, but since there was no other option, we waited.
When we finally did see the nurse, I showed him my wrist, and he asked how did I do it...I told him and he sort of changed his attitude towards me. He then also seen the rest of my arms and asked how I'd done them. I told him. He asked if I was undr the care of anyone, which I am not. He then asked if we would like to see a psychiatrist then and my mum said yeah. He stitched my wrist up (I've never had stitches before, it was interesting to see how they done them, since I wasn't sure), and told us to go wait again, while he got a psychiatrist.
While I was sitting back down my wrist starting to hurt, due to the wound being tight again, because of the stiches. I was also thinking about seeing this psychiatrist.
I started breathing faster, and my heart started beating faster as well. After about 2 minutes, I started shaking as well. After another few minutes, my mum saw this and she asked was I ok, I said no. I said I was panicing, and she put her arm around me. My whole body was shaking at this point and she could feel it when she put her arm around me. (Bear in mind this is in an enclosed waiting room, with other people there.)
I told her that I needed to go somewhere private, meaning like a private room or something. She said ok, and we left the waiting area, but instead we just stood outside, in the corridor, however, this was better than being in a room full of people.
In the corridor, I was still shaking, a lot, my legs were literally wobbling. My breathing was so fast, and then I got very bad pins and needles in my hands, and face. My hands were tightly pressed against each other in fists, against my stomach, and they wouldn't open. I couldn't even move. This lasted between 10 and 20 minutes.
In this time my mum pulled a nurse and told him that I was having a panic attack and asked if there was anything he could do to help me. He said he'd be two minutes, because he was helping another patient. He didn't return.
Finally, after about 15-20 minutes, I managed to sit back down in the waiting room, still slightly shaking.
Another nurse called my name - this time it was for a tetanus shot (I haven't had mine yet). When we got into the cubicle, my mum explained that I was having a panic attack and he asked my what I was panicing about as he was laying out the tetanus needle. I told him nothing in particular. He wasn't that understanding.
He left again for a few minutes. While he was gone I told my mum that I couldn't go through with having the needle and she said ok. When the nurse returned, he opened up the needle and asked me to give him my arm. I said I didn't want it. He sort of looked pissed off at that point and asked "Well why are you here then?" in a pissed off kind of voice. This does not help how I feel. He sort of sigh angrily and left the cubicle.
He returned again with the first nurse; the one who stiched my wrist and this nurse said "I hear you don't want the tetanus needle?" I explained that I couldn't handle it right now. He explained to me that if I didn't have this needle I was not covered for tetanus and it was my choice not to have it. This nurse was also angry at this.
A conversation ensued with him and my mum about seeing a psychiatrist. He said that he'd had a word with the psychiatric team and they said that, since I've already been to one, there was no point in seeing another one. He also said that we should go to see my GP about speeding up the appointment to see a psychologist, as it is most likely to be a personality problem.
I left the hospital at aroun 1am, after going there at 5:30pm. It was a relief to leave.
I was truly shocked at myself, and the panic attack I had, as I've never had one so bad before. I do not wish to have one again, but I know that there is a very good chance that I will.
May 8th...was eventful.
11:27am
