I suppose I could say I've been thinking about suicide more - how to do it, what the consequences would be (apart from death obviously)...but I'd still never actually do it.
I was fascinated when I cut deep on my wrist this morning, and it dripped blood. The cut is 2cm in length and just 1cm away from the vein. I was thinking, that if you cut, and it drips blood without opening up a vein, I wonder what it'd be like if you opened the vein up.
These are the kind of thoughts I have sometimes.
On the other side of the coin, is the same story, except instead of psychical pain, it's mental. Mental pain in the fact that I am lonely, and I need someone to love, and someone to love me.
I'm really scared of life, and what it holds. I do not look forward to the next day, because it brings nothing new.
I'm tired of living, yet don't want to die. I want to stop living, but don't want death. I want this to stop, but not stop altogether.
I need help.
3:50am
