I might as well start where I finished from the last entry, 12:24pm.
After being up since 8pm the night before (That's Saturday, not Sunday), I stayed up through the night and until around 4pm.
It's unusual how nice it is to see someone pop up on MSN, or ICQ after 10 hours of complete nothingness. I was in a philosophical mood today, and I think this mood is here to stay as well. My mind is pondering on the simple questions, why do we work all our lives only to die? To me that isn't much of a life. Some people could argue you work to 'plan for the future', but there is no future. Seriously though, there isn't. The future is now, live for the moment!...easier said than done.
An extract from Stileproject:
Sometimes I ask myself why I should go through life living in fear of what could happen. Why not just live for the moment? It sounds good in theory, but it's a lot harder to do since we are creatures of habit. We're trained to think and act inside a certain kind of box since day one, so it is almost impossible to try and change the way we function at the drop of a hat.
And that basically sums it up really doesn't it? If you've been told that the colour of the sky is blue, are you really going to believe it if someone said it was red? Of course not. Same thing.
I found that a glass had been broken in the dishwasher. A chunk of the glass was missing, exposing the sharp edge of it. I'm not sure why I done it but I took the glass out and started on my arm with it. It didn't even break the skin. So I done it harder. I felt a sting, and maybe there was a sense of relief? Or maybe it was a relief of sense, but either way I done it, and it began to bleed and sting for a while after. I don't want this to turn into something bigger, of course. I am, however questioning whether it makes me feel better. The answer is no to that. My body is my body and I can hurt it all I want, my mind is separate and by hurting my body and I can't make my mind feel better. Still, there want is there to do it again...
I was talking to someone to today, and they just remind me of how much I really care for them. I dunno, they're just different from anyone else I know. It's what makes me like them so much I suppose. We seem to be able to talk for hours on end, yet if you were to read over the chat logs on ICQ it's nothing that anyone else would probably consider 'worthy', if you like, of a 2-6 hour chat. What I've also noticed is that (and you can check this for yourself certain person :)) almost at no time is there a pause between each person chatting for longer than 1 minute. A minute! Now, whether any of you don't think this isn't such a big deal I do. Can you look into chat logs and find a complete conversation from the moment you said "Hi" to the moment you said "Cya" with a pause no longer than a minute all the way through? Well, I can't with any other person. This counts for something in my head anyway, and it's why I think this person is constituting my Soul Mate sometimes.
Soul Mate, an interesting concept hmm? Do you believe in them? Or do you believe we all make our own match? Personally I believe in both fate and free will (if this is getting too boring or philosophical for you, please do feel free to leave) and that both interact with each other. I believe all path are right until you make them otherwise. That's where the free will comes in.
You have the free will to take any path you want, and fate will guide (not control) you through that path.
Having said all this, I return to the quote from Stileproject. It's not that simple to just use your free will, and puff, your life will change.
Remember in school, we had commanders no they were called teachers, but essentially they were commanders. They told you what to do, you done it. If you didn't wanna do it, you're wrong. Sounds about right really doesn't it? So for the most part we go along with everything they say, because the younger we are the more impressionable we are.
Taking that into account, think back a bit further. What do your parents and people around you always tell you? "You can be or do whatever you like, nothing is stopping you" or words to that effect anyway. Ok then, fast forward to school again and I dunno, just take swimming or something for example. Now, if you didn't wanna do it and you told the teacher that, what would they say? Would they say "Sure, fine we respect your free will. Go on, go have fun doing something else, good luck to you!" or would they something like this "Why?"
"Because I don't want to do it"
"And why don't you want to do it?"
"I'd rather be doing something else."
"Well, we'd all rather be doing something else but sometimes we have to do what we're told to do"
"Why aren't we all doing something else then if we don't like what we're doing now?"
"Look, just get changed or you'll be [insert punishment here"
Didn't answer his/her question though. Why do we do things that no one likes to do? Sure, sometimes things are neccesary, but why learn who Shakespeare was? Why learn about Mythology if it isn't even real to begin with? What's more, why can we get a qualification from this? Seriously though I mean when the person who put Mythology on the school's sylabus, was he having a laugh!?
Another one would be history. I asked my history teacher over and over again why we learn history once. His answer in the end? "I just come here to teach it" Or words to that effect. I'm not saying he wasn't well informed on the subject. I'm asking why was he? Why do we possibly need to know about what happened 500 odd years ago? Also, take more recent history (again, if any of this is boring you, leave.). One example is the holocaust. Now, why be subjected to reality when reality is the cause of our problems? If no one faced realism the world would be at peace.
Why do we have to know about thousands of people dying and suffering in wars and genocide? Is that not actually making us suffer by telling us in the first place? Just say for example that no one, after WWII kept plans for the A-Bomb, they didn't want to know anymore about that part of history so they decided they'd destroy the plans. Would there now be an Iraq threat of Anthrax sailing over an a missile? Sure, we'd probably be able to shoot it down with the Star Wars system (Thank God) but we wouldn't need a SWS in the first place if it were not for missiles. Which brings me back to my point about history being taught.
Should the individual person decide what he/she wants to learn and know about? Shouldn't they decide if they want to know how people have been slaughtered over the years? Not some Goverment agency who sets the sylabus. It comes back to what you're taught as a child "You can be or do whatever you like", you sure about that..?
Although I won't make a differene to anything in my life (although it would be nice to think I did), I would hope that in years to come you had a choice. Either learn the history of suffering and pain because this is the real history, you need to know this! "Why?", "Because I don't know!"...that's clever. Or, learn everything in history about the pleasure and achievements people have done. I know which one I'd choose. I don't learn history no more, I don't go to school no more. If I did, though, and I still had all what I've said so far in my head, I'd really want to try and change it for people. Maybe I still will someday. I don't like the thought of children growing up in fear that there's an Adolf or Stalin round the corner somewhere.
5:43am
