I feel unwanted. Very, very unwanted. It seems that every girl I like is either too far away, not single or simply doesn't like me as more than a friend. Do you know how frustrating that is? It hurts. It hurts because it's happened so often and it hurts because of how much I care for Hana and the fact that she doesn't like me as more than a friend.
She knows I like her and I've never made any secret of that. But she's been talking about some guy she likes and I can't help but feel jealous and sad. I can't help screaming inside 'But what's wrong with me?'. I decided to simply tell her how I was feeling tonight and I feel better for doing so, but I hate having to be negative when talking to her, especially when it's about her. It's hard to confide your feelings in someone when it's that someone who you need to confide about as well.
[00:58:20] Neil: Heh, sadness. Internet shouldn't be a means to feel happy and sad. Yet it's so part of my life now that I rely on it for every part of my emotional life, good and bad. That really isn't right.
[00:59:15] Hana: Lol I know, isa no good my friennnnd. I need to wean myself off of it. It's not easy huh?
[01:01:28] Neil: You shouldn't feel anything by looking at words on a screen. Yet what I feel when I talk to you I've never had with someone I've talk to in person before or indeed on here. So it's hard not to feel. And you feel things for Nate. Even though he's in the US. I hate this. Everything about this. The internet. It's become more of a hinderance than a help and I've only realised that in the past year.
And that sums it up really doesn't it? How sad my life is. How empty it is. How lonely it is.
