Last night I become very depressed in a very short amount of time. It was due to a number of things. In the end I decided to sign off MSN so I could be completely on my own, since it was being on MSN that was causing the problems.
I just got really jealous and sad when Hana was telling me about some guy she liked. It just hurts sometimes because it would be nice if I was that guy. I'm glad she is seeking happiness, just wish that I be truly happy for her without feeling this sadness and jealousness and be happy for myself as well. But happiness doesn't come round no more for me.
Ironic really, isn't it? Here I sit in my bedroom, like I have for so many years, alone, and yet the only time when I truly realise this is when I sign out of a program on a computer.
I talked to Katie yesterday as well. She's so depressed these days. She used to be happy and bouncy and full of life. But that all seems to of gone now. It's sad. It reminds me of me. I don't know how to help her. I said that I'd come and visit her, but she said she didn't want me to.
Right now, my fingers are on the keyboard and i'm trying to think of something to write or rather, it's not that i'm not thinking of anything, it's that there is so much going on in my mind that it's hard to find any clarity anymore. My head is a mess of thoughts and my heart is a mess of emotions. And I don't know how to make it better.
