My last entry left off with me going out with Tom for a night out after I had finished Uni for the Summer. It was a fun night and both Tom and I proceeded to get rather drunk together.
Shockingly, the next day, we planned to do the same thing. I've never been out two nights in a row and I was still attempting to recover from the night before.
Just before we did go out, we went to see Pirates of the Carribean 3. It was ok, but it was nowhere near as funny as the second although the action sequences were great. It lasted for three hours and when we got out it was 11pm.
From there, we headed to Brannigans for a night of dancing and drunkeness. I also met Emilie and Kim there too, along with a number of people from my course. The night was fun.
Until I dropped my camera.
Yes, I dropped my fucking �300 camera. Not only that, but I BROKE my fucking �300 camera. I was drunk and looking through the pictures, but I've been drunk many times while holding my camera and drunk or sober, this is the first time I have ever dropped it. Ever.
Though I was drunk, I saw it drop onto the floor and a part of the lens broke off and rolled away from me into the crowd of people on the dancefloor surrounding me. I kept swearing to myself. I couldn't believe what I'd just done.
It was at that point that Tom suggested we leave because he could see I was drunk and annoyed at myself about the camera. On the way home, I shouted out loud and ended up punching a wall too. I was so annoyed. My camera is one of the most important things I own and since I had seen a part of the camera roll off into the crowd, there was no way the camera would work again. It was broken.
The next morning, I text my Mum and told her about it and hopefully, she'll be able to claim on the insurance for it but that will still be in a few weeks so I've still got no camera.
On Sunday, I went to see 28 Weeks Later, albeit on my own. It was ok, but 28 Days Later was better.
On Wednesday, I had a final night out with Tom and his mates. I went out earlier than them though and headed to a bar called the Revolution to have a drink, but standing in a bar on your own isn't so much fun. I'm sure I looked stupid.
I was in there for around 45 minutes before Tom text me saying he was now next door so I went to meet him and we stayed in there for a while before returning to where I had just been and had a few drinks.
The rest of the night was spent in Brannigans and again, I met Emilie and Kim and also Kate, Hannah and also Johanna, the girl whose room I would be having in September. It's going to be really weird living with four girls.
Throughout the night, I wandered back and forth from Tom and the rest to Emilie and the rest until I could no longer see Tom and just spent the rest of the night with Emilie and the rest. I just danced. However, around 2:30am, I was getting pretty bored especially since the DJ is really crap and plays really crap music all of the time. People dance to it because they're already drunk and they've already paid to get in but I do hope he gets fired soon.
On Saturday and at 9am in the morning, Gary picked me up and I left Bridge Street Row for the last time. It felt good to be out of there. I never have to return to my shitty little accommodation and I have never to see my crazy Indian Ahmit again. I suppose I will miss his insanity in some ways.
Emma from SpiraCreative emailed me and asked whether I still wanted to work for them to which I replied that yes, I would. She told me that they'd pay me �190 a week and said that they'd need to see me about three or four times a week. I said that I could do that because I wasn't willing to travel for two hours four times a week. However, I really wanted to work for them and I really wanted that �190 a week so I said that I'd be willing to go every Monday and she replied saying that that would be fine.
The next week, I headed to Chester to their office and me, Emma and Matthew discussed all of the projects that they wanted me to work on with them. They made me feel like part of the team immediately and I liked the fact that they'd taken the time to actually list what was a priority specifically so they could tell me. They just seem really organised.
The rest of the day was spent working with Matthew on RadioShack's website, which you'll be able to see soon once it's complete. I arrived home around 6pm.
On Friday, I went out with Jamie, Dave and the rest. It was Dave's birthday and he had wanted everyone to go in fancy dress. I would have, but didn't know what to go as and was too lazy to go get a costume.
Dave told me that they were all in Kim's so when I got into town, that's where I headed. However, I've never been to Kim's before so I needed some directions and eventually, Dave, in his outfit came outside and shouted over to me. I turned to his direction and saw him standing there, dressed in FULL Wolverine outfit, including bright yellow suit, mask and rippling chest. He looked hilarious, but awesome.
Kim came out too. She was dressed in a schoolgirl outfit. Man, she looked hot. I've always fancied her. Even the first time I saw her, I remember asking Dave if she was single because I really fancied her. For the last two years or so, she's been with Jed, a guy who's also part of our group, though I've not seen him in a while.
However, as we headed back up to her apartment, it quickly became clear that something was different.
As Kim headed up, followed by Dave and then me, Dave slapped Kim's arse playfully to which she replied "I'm gonna tell Jamie you did that".
"Why would she need to tell Jamie?", I thought to myself and there was only one conclusion. He was seeing her. I didn't say anything though because I wanted to make sure.
Once in Kim's apartment, everyone was there including the two Robs, Jo, Jamie and Dave's girlfriend, Claire. Rob was dressed as a Canadian mountie, the other Rob was dressed as a sailor, Jo was dressed as Wonderwoman and Jamie was dressed as a ninja. They all looked funny, but cool.
Jamie came over to me after a while and commented on how hot Kim looked. He knows already that I fancy her and I knew already that he did.
Liam arrived after a while and then we headed to the AJs. It was pretty funny walking through town in broad daylight while accompanied by Wolverine, Wonderwoman and a mountie. Dave got so many looks in his costume, since he was quite happy to keep his mask on too. The same was true once we got there as well.
Once we'd all sat down, Dave mentioned something about Jamie and Kim being together and Jamie said something along the lines of "He's not supposed to know!", referring to me. "I know anyway", I said. So my suspicious had been right.
I guess I should have seen it coming really. Jamie always gets the nice girls and it does make me quite jealous. Still, I'm happy for him.
It got to me during the night though, as Patrick and his boyfriend arrived too and I was surrounded by my friends who all had boyfriends or girlfriends. Jamie and Kim were sat in the corner, cuddling and kissing. Dave and Claire were doing the same. Jo and Rob were as couplish as always. And then there was me. Just me. Looking at the floor because I had nowhere else to look. I am really happy for all of my friends and the fact that they have someone special in their lives, but seeing them all cuddling and kissing just makes me feel really alone. It makes me feel jealous.
It didn't really let up either once we had left the K and headed to a place called Fab for a while. Everyone was having a great time and just being happy with their boyfriend/girlfriend and it just started to get to me that I didn't have anyone. It only got worse once we were in the Krazy House and I saw Jamie and Kim kissing and Dave and Claire kissing. I eventually went off on my own and sat on some stairs, texting people and sighing to myself.
I text Danielle too, since she was asking how I was. I told her I felt crap and she said she'd come and meet me, since she was working in town. About 15 minutes later, I was outside talking to her and her boyfriend while I waited for a taxi to take me home. It really does seem like I'm the only one who doesn't have anyone.
I stayed up until about 6am online after getting in, both depressed, lonely and horny too but there is no relief from any of those three things when you're alone.
The next Monday, I headed back to Chester to work and spent the day working on a few things after which I headed home, albiet after an hour delay due to flooding.
Friday, I went out with the group again and it started out good. Everyone was happy and I was too. I even found out that Laura and Glenn are going to have a baby! That was...rather shocking. It made me realise that we're all growing up. I mean, they're younger than I am and yet they're already living together and now Laura is a few months pregnant? That's just crazy.
I was surprised to see that Jed was out with the group, since as I said earlier in this entry, Kim and him were going out for two years. I wasn't sure how Jamie felt about him being out but I asked him a while later and he said he was fine with it.
After AJs, we headed to Fab again for a while and that's where things started to go a bit wrong. Jamie had had a fair amount to drink and he was starting to feel really paranoid about Jed and him talking to Kim. He was worried that Jed would try something with Kim again. He ended up standing at the bar on his own while everyone else was sitting down so I went to go and talk to him and try and make him see sense but it wasn't really working.
Eventually, he did come and sit down for a bit.
I went to the bar to get a drink and walked back to the tables we were sitting at, but somehow, as I walked down some stairs, my ankle gave way and I twisted it. It was extremely painful and I had to hobble over to where we were sitting. It hurt so much. I just sat there rubbing my ankle and hoping the pain would go away.
After a while, Jamie went the toilet after he'd been sitting there quiet. Kim had already noticed that he wasn't being himself and she asked Rob to go and check on him. I went a few minutes later, hobbling my way to the toilet to find Rob and Jamie talking in there. I joined in the conversation and tried to get to the bottom of why Jamie was feeling so threatened by Jed.
I tried to explain to him that I had been watching Jed all night with Kim and he hadn't done a thing in terms of trying anything on with her and that Jamie had nothing to worry about. I told him that he needed to be more positive and that if he was, Kim would reflect that back onto him and she'd be positive too. There was a guy in the toilets who overheard this piece of advice and as he washed his hands, said "You know, that's the best piece of advice I have ever heard. I wish I was told that when I was younger" and then he left.
"Who was that guy?", Jamie said.
He was just some random stranger, but at least he knew I was making sense!
The three of us headed back out of the toilet and I held Jamie back for a moment. "Postive", I said, looking at him.
He was fairly ok after that and after finishing our drinks, we headed out of Fab and to a place called Hannah's Bar. I had to stumble there, though because my ankle was still hurting really badly. I didn't notice it much after a while though because I had been drinking and was more interested in just having a good time.
We only stayed in Hannah's Bar for one drink because it was really busy in there. After there, we were going to head to somewhere called the Flute. On the way, we passed Subway and I decided to get one. Jamie had the same idea so we went inside. However, a moment later, Liam came in to tell Jamie that Kim had gone off, upset so Jamie rushed out.
After asking Liam what had happened, he said that he had mentioned Tori's name and Kim had got upset. It wasn't that Tori would be out or anything, just that Liam was meeting her the following day because she's still his mate. Apparantly this was enough to set Kim off, since she dislikes Tori a lot for various reasons.
That left me, Liam, Laura and Glenn in Subway, while whoever else was wherever else.
I ate my Subway.
It was pretty clear that the night was over after that. I did text Jamie to see where he was, but he said that he had gone home with Kim. Since it was only about 11:20pm at that point, I decided to catch the last train home. I said goodbye to those who I was with and headed home.
It was when I got in that I really started to notice the pain in my ankle. It was so painful that I was limping just to make something to eat and then get up the stairs.
After a few hours, I went to bed, only to be woken up and feel my ankle in even more pain than before. I couldn't move it at all without it hurting and I was seriously considering getting out of bed and going to A&E with it incase I had somehow broken it or something. However, I didn't and managed to somehow get back to sleep.
When I woke up, the throbbing pain had subsided, though the pain itself had not. Every time I tried to walk, it hurt. So now, I have a support bandage on it and I'm walking with a crutch. It's that painful. This means that I won't be able to go to work on Monday. I've emailed Emma about it and apologised, saying that I'll still work at home and send her some stuff on Monday.
It's now 8:20am and though I said this would be a short entry, the word count is now 2,695. I suppose that's not too bad, considering I've just talked about six weeks of my life.
I'm trying really hard not to let my loneliness envelope me and I'm trying really hard to focus on the good things that I have going for me, but it's getting harder to do so because of the knockbacks that I've been recieving recently. For example, Lauren, the girl that I was going to go see in Durham has now completely stopped talking to me, though I don't know why. The last time I spoke to her, she seemed fine with me, but now, her Myspace profile is set to private, I'm no longer her friend on there, she's not been on MSN and she doesn't answer any of my texts. I think this pretty much means she doesn't want to talk to me. I really don't know why though.
The only girl that I really liked, Steph has also disappeared and I haven't talked to her since 17th June. She too has not answered my texts. Again, I don't know why. It's always the way. I get my hopes up of meeting someone nice and then they seem to disappear. It makes me feel quite rejected. An explanation would be nice, at least.
So, like usual, it's just me again. Just Neil. I don't like it being just Neil.
