I've been home now for just over two weeks. It's been nice. I've enjoyed having my bedroom again and fast broadband. I've done very little work, however and before next Friday, I need to start working more.
Christmas Day was uneventful. I woke up at 6:30pm and spent the rest of the night with my Mum watching TV. Gary had decided to go off somewhere without telling my Mum. She told me she thought he'd left for good. She also told me that she thinks she is going to lose the house, because she can't afford the �500 monthly repayments on the second mortgage. She took out a second mortgage to come up with capital for a share in Gary's business. She has not seen any profit from it because Gary is in so much debt. She is going to lose the house because of him and all he can do is run off to London.
Wednesday was the only highlight of my time at home. I went out with Jamie to celebrate his birthday, along with everyone else. It was a good night. I didn't stay out long, but it was great to see everyone. I hadn't for a while. I had a headache so I only stayed out until 11pm and then caught the last train home. I had to walk home from the station. I would have had a 40 minute wait for a cab.
Thursday, I arranged to meet a girl named Roxanne the following day. It didn't happen though. She text me Friday morning saying that the bank had withdrawn her overdraft and she couldn't get money together to meet me. In a way, I was happy with that because I was still in bed and just wanted to sleep my life away.
We rearranged for Saturday, but that didn't happen either. Again, she text me in the morning saying she was sorry, but she couldn't sort it out. Again, I really wasn't bothered enough to care.
Gary had promised my Mum he'd be back on Wednesday. He wasn't, though. Then he said Saturday. He called my Mum at 8am and told her he wouldn't be back again until next week. It wasn't like I was listening in, just that my Mum talks loud on the phone.
Apparantly he had bought a new car. I don't understand how he can buy a car when he's in so much debt. He even owes my Nan �2,000. With all of this debt, I don't know how my Mum is going to keep this house much longer.
When I woke up on Saturday later in the day, I heard Gary's voice. I guess he had gotten the message from my Mum about him pissing her off. But I think she's wrong for allowing him to possibly help her lose the house.
I may not live here now that I'm at Uni most of the time, but this is still my house. This is where I've grown up. I don't want to see anyone else living here. This is my home. To that end, I was thinking about getting a job when I go back to Chester and see if I can maybe help out with some of the �500 that needs to be paid every month.
I heard both of them go out around 3pm on Saturday and when they came back about 9pm, they were laughing and joking with each other. I don't know how. I have lost all respect for Gary. I will be civil with him, but I don't have to show the kind of respect for him I used to. He is going to be the downfall of himself and take my Mum with him.
Last night, all of my friends went out again into town. Dave text me inviting me to go with them, but I didn't feel up to it. I've sunk into one of those horrible depressive moods and sleeping all day and being awake all night isn't helping.
And so we come to today. New Year's Eve. And what am I doing to celebrate it? Nothing.
The plan was to have a party here, at mine with all of my friends, but no one seems to have been bothered to call me about it so I guess no one was interested and since I feel pretty crap, I wasn't in the mood to be holding a party anyway now.
My Mum and Gary are going out to a pub. They invited me, but I've said no. I don't really want to sit in an old man's pub all night. It'd just make me bored.
To really put the icing on 2006, Hannah decided to message me, upsetting me further. I tried to be friendly with her, but she saw through it and knew I wasn't being myself. She asked what was wrong and I told her it was nothing new, just that I miss her and then I ended up trying to get her to come back to me once more. I tried so hard and yet it'd be so easy to make it work. If only she was ready to.
[19:58:46] im gonna be ready this time.: do i sound like i am? i dont want a relationship. i want to be my own person. i want to be able to do stuff. like mess about and flirt. i dont want it
And so once more, I feel like my heart is breaking, though I've done nothing to deserve it and tried my best to care and love.
As I write this, my eyes are filling with tears. This year started off so well and now it's all in pieces. I have nothing. I feel so alone.
- In January, my whole family met up for my Nan's birthday.
- In February, I went to Newcastle and had a great night with Fiona.
- In March, I completed my best college project.
- In April, I met Hannah.
- In May, I went to the cinema with my Mum for the first time in years.
- In June, everything started going wrong with Hannah.
- In July, I had a great night out with my classmates.
- In August, Oogee died.
- In September, things got worse with Hannah.
- In October, I hated my Uni accommodation.
- In November, I hated it more.
- In December, I was alone.
Goodbye 2006. I will not miss you.
