[16:53:00] 4 Days Left: But, I haven't seen you for three weeks and it'd be nice to. So come to mine tomorrow?
[16:53:55] the future freaks me out.: And then what about my time on my own?
[16:54:01] the future freaks me out.: Did you forget?
[16:54:36] 4 Days Left: So you're saying you don't want to see me?
[16:57:39] the future freaks me out.: You said that you'd let me have some time to myself. So why you so suprised?
[16:58:00] 4 Days Left: I thought you meant a few days.
[17:02:00] the future freaks me out.: I need more then a few days. I'm seriously like needing to think about things. But no i'm not saying anything like that at all.
[17:03:07] 4 Days Left: So you don't want to come then tomorrow?
[17:03:38] the future freaks me out.: No*
[17:05:38] 4 Days Left: Ok, so just tell me where I stand. What am I to you? Are you still mine? Or does you wanting time apart mean that basically we aren't seeing each other anymore until you want to again?
[17:07:07] the future freaks me out.: I just need to think about things. I don't want to decide when we see eachother or not. And i'm not asking you to be patient or wait for me.
[17:07:15] the future freaks me out.: I just have aot to think about.
[17:07:44] 4 Days Left: Are you still mine?
[17:09:03] the future freaks me out.: I don't know.
[17:09:44] the future freaks me out.: I just don't know what i want.
[17:10:36] 4 Days Left: Well, I guess I'll leave you alone. Message me when you want to be in my life again. I will miss you until you do.
[17:11:19] the future freaks me out.: I don't want to stop talking to you. I just need to figure out what i want.
[17:11:37] the future freaks me out.: And i don't want to just tell ,you when i want .... it shouldn't be like that.
[17:14:29] 4 Days Left: It pretty much is like that though. So, I going to leave you alone until you want things to be the way they were. I can't just talk to you on here like everything is ok because it hurts too much. You can't talk to me on here and not have me in person. That's not fair and I can't do it. So I have to stop talking to you until you want things to be different and you make your mind up about what you want. Have your time on your own. Let me know when you want things the way they were. Until then, no more hurt.
[17:15:58] the future freaks me out.: So if we stopped seeing eachother. Then you'd never speak to me again?
[17:16:52] 4 Days Left: Not right now.
[17:18:22] the future freaks me out.: I don't think you ever would.
[17:18:40] the future freaks me out.: But thats ok .. whatever.
And that's where it's been left. I'm not going to talk to her until she talks to me. I've taken her off my MSN contact list and I've deleted her from my phone. I have not blocked her, however.
She can't expect me to be her friend if she has hurt me so much in the past. It just doesn't work like that. If she wants time on her own, so be it, but I'm not going to be there as a friend for her when she hasn't been there for me. So that's it. I move onto University very much single and looking.
Speaking of University, I recieved a letter from them today, welcoming me as a mature student. A mature student! It makes me feel old. Anyone over 21 is classed as mature. Apparantly this means I get to attend a "Wine and nibbles" welcome meeting. Sounds awfully posh doesn't it? I bet I'll be one of the youngest there. I imagine everyone else will be 30+. I doubt I'll find many friends there though. I want people more my own age. 18-25 would be great.
I'll be going out with all of my friends on Friday. It'll be the last time I see them for a while. I'll miss them. But, I'm hoping (and praying!) that I make some new ones in fresher's week.
And maybe, if luck is on my side for once, this year will finish off well and I'll find someone who actually cares about me and won't screw me around.
I can dream.
