We talked about what was happening with my accommodation and when I'd move in. I explained to her what I've explained in my previous entry.
And then she really pissed me off by asking me why I had not come to her birthday party. The same birthday party that was two days after my cat had died. As if I'm going to want to go to a party when I'm feeling shit. As if I'm going to want to go to her party when she wasn't there to support me.
"Because I was upset", I said.
"Well, I was upset that you didn't come", she replied.
What? Whatever.
"It would have really helped if you had come when I called you", I said, "I thought you'd be there for me".
"And I wasn't", she replied, with no remorse or regret.
"I just thought I could come to you if I needed support"
"I just couldn't deal with a cat", she said, emphasising 'a cat', in such a manner that it was of little concern to her.
"So I had to deal with it on my own.", I continued.
"I've had to deal with things on my own too", she said.
"I just thought you'd be there for me"
I find it well, disgusting, really that she can be pissed off at me for not coming to her party because I was upset, yet it's so unreasonable for me to feel like she let me down when I needed her the most at a time when I was hurting. How is that fair? How is that right? How can she justify saying these things to me when she knows how much I loved Oogee? It's horrible to have to hear that your own Mum was not only not there when you needed her to be, but she doesn't even regret not being either.
Arguing with her is pointless and I didn't try to. She's a horrible person to reason with when she thinks she is right. Nothing will sway her opinion. She is right and that's final in her eyes.
I don't know how to forgive someone for something if they're not even sorry for what they've done.
