Unfortunately, I didn't end up going out into town with my friends and Hannah. However, Hannah was coming to mine regardless and I thought I'd take her out to dinner. This was a conversation I had with Hannah on Friday. Before she could meet me in town though, she had to go to the place where she dances and pay her fees.
[16:13:46] Neil: What time can you get into town for?
[16:14:19] the future freaks me out.: As soon as i have paid.
[16:14:30] Neil: Give me a time though
[16:14:35] the future freaks me out.: I don't know!
[16:14:44] Neil: just a rough estimate
[16:14:51] the future freaks me out.: I don't know.
[16:15:26] Neil: I'm sure you know how long it takes you to get to dance and back. And you also know how long it takes you on the train into town. So with that information, you should be able to come up with an estimate...
[16:16:04] the future freaks me out.: Dos it matter.
[16:16:11] the future freaks me out.: I'll just text you when i'm on my way
[16:16:46] Neil: Yeah it matters because as I say, too late and we won't get a table. I need to know a rough time when you can be there.
[16:17:18] the future freaks me out.: It doesn't matter.
[16:17:29] Neil: How does it not matter?
[16:17:53] the future freaks me out.: I'm not coming.
[16:18:00] Neil: Why?
[16:26:16] Neil: You there?
[16:27:44] the future freaks me out.: No.
[16:27:50] Neil: What?
[16:28:13] the future freaks me out.: I'm not here.
[16:28:18] Neil: ...erm :S
[16:29:47] Neil: Why did you say you're not coming?
[16:31:01] i want to hate you. half as much as i hate myself.: Because ..
[16:31:04] i want to hate you. half as much as i hate myself.: I'm not.
[16:31:06] Neil: Why?
[16:31:16] i want to hate you. half as much as i hate myself.: Because i don't want to.
[16:31:20] Neil: Why not?
[16:32:20] i want to hate you. half as much as i hate myself.: Because i'm in a mood.
[16:32:41] Neil: And why are you in a mood?
[16:32:52] i want to hate you. half as much as i hate myself.: Because i'm an asshole.
[16:33:05] i want to hate you. half as much as i hate myself.: And i get in moods over little things.
[16:33:31] i want to hate you. half as much as i hate myself.: And i'm going out in the morning with my family.
[16:33:58] Neil: Oh. Well so much for seeing you tonight then. :(
[16:34:49] i can't do this all on my own.: I knew i was going out. I don't know why i didn't tell you
[16:34:57] i can't do this all on my own.: Must of got stuck in the moment.
[16:35:45] i can't do this all on my own.: Sorry.
[16:35:48] Neil: Meh. Well now I feel pretty crap...
[16:36:36] i can't do this all on my own.: I'm sorry.
[16:36:43] i can't do this all on my own.: Guess i haven't changed eh.
[16:36:58] i can't do this all on my own.: Still a fucking bitch!!!!
[16:38:29] i can't do this all on my own.: I am sorry.
[16:38:38] i can't do this all on my own.: I'm going for abit.
[16:38:39] i can't do this all on my own.: x
[16:38:42] Neil: bye
What the fuck?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but what I asked was something reasonable and uncomplicated. I asked for a rough time of when she could meet me in town. I didn't ask for anything specific, just some sort of time so I'd know if it was worth going into town. The place I was taking her too is popular and gets busy. If we went too late, we wouldn't get a place, which is why I needed to know a rough time when she could meet me. This is not hard to do, yet she decided to get pissed off, which in turn upset me, which in turn upset her as well.
The fact that she was then not coming to mine at all was the icing on the cake.
The rest of the night was spent feeling shit and frustrated at the fact that unfortunatly, Hannah acts like a child at times.
For the rest of the night, she didn't come back online. I recieved a text from her around 10pm.
Hey, I'm sorry for being stupid. I don't want you to start not liking me, I don't know why I have been like this and I don't actually want to be a moody bitch! I'm sorry, I hope you're ok with me :(.... Love hannah x x x x
I chose not to reply.
I wanted to, but I chose not to because I was really annoyed and hurt that she had acted that way and a text message does not make things better, especially when she's done similar things already.
About two hours later, I recieved another text from her.
I miss you x
And again, I wanted to reply with "I miss you too" because I did. But again, I chose not to reply. I went to sleep feeling crap.
I hate being angry and annoyed at anyone, let alone the girl I'm supposed to be seeing. We started talking online around 8pm.
A few cuts from it:
[20:24:12] almost had you.: When i'm nagged, told what do to then i freak out. I hate it. And i'm sorry for that - but it's me. If you think i'm not bothered then that's you, you know how you feel. Even if it was like one major blip. obviously it's changed everything. So yeah - i'm sorry for being moody .. but you know i can't hold my anger in. nd i did forget i was going out - because i was so excited about seeing you .. and going out with you - who I DO care about alot. And you know this already. I know you don't want to ask me out anyway ... otherwise you would of ages ago. So i'm over that. Doesn't mean i want to hurt you though. I was actually gutted after i had said it. But no, in the end i didn't want to come. Because i wouldn't of been good company and i could of just flipped at any time.
[20:27:27] Neil: I do want to ask you out. I asked you out on Thursday night. But you were drunk and you told me to wait until I saw you. And I was going to ask you yesterday and then you didn't come.
And I didn't nag you. I asked you a perfectly reasonable question, that anyone would find reasonable. I didn't ask anything difficult of you, just a time. A time that would decide whether it would be worth even going for a meal. That's not nagging, that's making sure we get a table. I offer to take you out for a meal and because I ask you for a time you decide to get in a mood over nothing.
[20:34:33] almost had you.: I don't know what else to say ... Do i just leave you to be angry at me?
[20:34:50] almost had you.: I do feel shit about it.
[20:35:19] Neil: I want you to not act like you did yesterday. That's all.
[20:35:55] almost had you.: Then i want you to abit more laidback ... and alittle less, ... organised.
[20:37:34] Neil: You're missing the point. I asked something simple of you and you got annoyed. You can't keep doing that.
[20:38:00] almost had you.: Yeah i know did ... but you asked me over and over, and it annoyed me.
[20:38:09] almost had you.: And i'd said " i don't know"
[20:38:13] almost had you.: But you still asked me.
[20:38:21] almost had you.: It really ... well .. pissed me off.
[20:40:05] almost had you.: So you're missing my point.
That doesn't even make any sense. That annoyed me. She was missing the point that it was her fault and failing to understand why I was annoyed with her, instead choosing to focus on what she wanted from me.
[20:40:25] Neil: Because I asked a simple question which had a simple answer. An answer which most people would have given. I needed to know. Not knowing means that taking you out for dinner would not be possible. It's not much to ask you for a time. To give me a rough estimate of when you would have been there. Anyone else would have. I wasn't asking for a precise moment, just a rough time that you'd be able to get ready. You know how long it takes you to do what you need to do, yet you still said you didn't know.
[20:41:05] Neil: I asked you more than once because "I don't know" wouldn't get us a table.
[20:41:13] almost had you.: So yeah i would of estimated the time say at like 6:30 ... but only as an estimate - you book the table and i'm not there till 7. .. 7:30.
[20:41:18] almost had you.: Whats the point of that.
[20:41:32] almost had you.: If we didn't get a table i would have just come to yours.
[20:41:35] almost had you.: No big deal.
[20:42:16] almost had you.: But you just went on about a time ...
[20:42:31] almost had you.: And it pissed me off ... so i just said forget about it
[20:48:52] almost had you.: And i don't want to talk about it anymore ... cause yes ... i'm getting pissed off just talking about it. There is no need to go on about it. Which you are doing. Yes i hurt you and i'm sorry ... but i wasn't feeling good about it. And to be honest you make me feel so guilty. Which i'm not going to do. Because i already cried and whatever about it lastnight after i realised what i done. So i really don't need this.
[20:50:33] almost had you.: All i am saying is that .. if you wouldn't have gone on about the time and just left it then we would of been fine and i would have just text you when i got to liverpool you could of told me whether it was too late r whatever and i would of come to yours.
The fact that she just decided that she didn't want to talk about it anymore annoyed me. I was trying my best to explain to her in the nicest way possible that what she had done was wrong and that there was an easy way of correcting it.
God only knows how texting me would work. She doesn't think these things through. How does her texting me when she got into town help anything? I live ten minutes from the station and it takes twenty to get into town and that's if I happen to get there just as a train is about to leave. How is adding an extra 30 minutes minimum going to solve anything?
[20:54:49] Neil: Because it would have been a waste of money getting into town, only to not have had to spend it. It's a lot of money for me to pay out unfortunately.
[20:55:27] almost had you.: Well it is for me aswell.
[20:55:41] almost had you.: We could of just gone the cinema ...
Again, she missed the point. Regardless of whether we were going out, she would be paying for a train ticket into town. I was not, unless we were going out. What's so difficult to understand about that?
And sure, we "could of just gone the cinema". It's all well and good saying that now instead of before she decided to get pissed off and leave me disappointed when talking to her on Friday.
[20:57:47] Neil: I'm going to stop talking about it because it's not getting us anywhere and I want to forget it and stop being upset with you.
[20:58:38] almost had you.: Good.
I don't know about you, but just having to copy and paste all of that crap makes my head stuffy, let alone having to actually type it all out when it was happening. And remember, that's not all of it, just the 'interesting' parts. Ugh.
After that, it was once again up to me to just try and forget about it without coming to any sort of real conclusion. I had to lighten the tone, even though I was still annoyed at her because it was just making my head hurt.
Things calmed down after an hour or two, though it ended on another sour note.
[23:24:10] Neil: I wish you were coming here tomorrow.
[23:25:10] Neil: When can you?
[23:25:30] almost had you.: This is the crap week where everyday is shit.
In other words, probably not this week, which means three weeks without seeing her.
[20:17:59] Corrie: I'm impressed how you put up with her sometimes
I don't have much choice if I want to be with her. But it's so frustrating at times.
Sigh.
I promised I'd end on a positive note however, so here it is:
My creative streak is still going strong. I've been working more on The Work Of and I've created some nice business cards and stickers that I'm going to use when talking to prospective clients. Click on Miscellaneous to see them.
I've also almost finished tagging all of my photos in preparation for uploading them to Flickr. I had 1,200+ to tag and I've got a little less than 500 to do. Half way there.
I also created a surprise diary layout for someone. This is what they're currently using. This is my design. I'm waiting for them to get back in touch with me so I can help them put it into use after they said they love it.
Such a long entry. I'm going to bed.
