I only went in for the afternoon, as I felt far too tired to go in in the morning. Once everyone was settled, Brian asked for everyone's attention for a moment, just to express his concerns over people being late/not turning up. I thought he was referring to me really. He said that we get two verbal warnings and three written warnings and then he'll kick us off the course. He was quite straight forward about it and everyone was just a bit quiet and felt a bit weird after that.
We all got on with what we were doing, but John, the new guy in my class decided to complain to Brian. Something about having to wait 15 minutes on the phone if he was trying to call up and tell someone he was late. Brian's advice was to get up 15 minutes earlier which, come on, is a very flippant remark really. If you're late, it's not like you're late on purpose. John wouldn't let it lie though and just kept saying "Yeah, but..." and Brian was getting more and more annoyed.
"John, I'm not asking you, I'm telling you that you are supposed to be here at nine. No excuses."
"Yeah but..."
And so forth.
The rest of the class listened and watched from where they were sitting, each looking at each other with a kind of bemused/worried/amused face. Everyone else knows to just nod and and say yes, whether you have a problem or not. Not because you're willing to roll over and take it, but simply because there's nothing much to argue about. John just wouldn't have it though and trying to sound more authorative with each sentence, saying things like "There should be a direct line to the staff room", almost demanding it.
"We need to have a meeting", Brian said, now extremely annoyed at him.
"All I'm saying is..."
"Right come with me", Brian said and led John out of the room.
"Why are you being all like this?", John said as he left the room, now sounding quite fearful and not nearly as authorative as he had been a few moments ago.
The two of them were gone for near 30 minutes.
The rest of the class pondered what the hell had just happened, everyone suggesting that Brian was beating John up in the next room or something similar. Brian's a big guy, you don't want to mess with him. We pretty much agreed that John was in the wrong and he should have just shut up, but John isn't like that.
Brian and John reentered the room after a while, both silent. John went back to his computer, while Brian went to the front of the room and then asked my project group if he could have a meeting with them.
Brian basically wanted to make sure that everyone was communicating with everyone else. The thing is, we are and it's going great. We're always discussing and progressing, it's just John. John is in my group, but it doesn't really feel like he is. He goes off and does things on his own without telling anyone else. He buys things which aren't neccessary. Personally, I find him quite annoying.
Brian asked if everyone was getting on with the project ok and we said yes and we had it covered. However, he also asked if anyone knew about what John had been doing and we all said no. Brian suggested that there had been a breakdown of communication but personally, I feel that was quite unfair to say that as there has been excellent communication by all of us, it's just John. Brian just didn't want to target the 'breakdown of communication' directly at him.
Brian gave John a chance to speak to him and the group and he was very noticably more subtle and quiet when he talked. As if Brian had put the fear of God into him. Basically John chatted crap, we listened for a few minutes then went back to what we were doing.
That was the 'highlight' of Wednesday.
Friday also had a nice highlight in that I had a date. The night before, I had been talking to a girl named Hannah who is 18 and from Liverpool. In fact, she lives right by my college. On a spur of the moment thing, we decided to meet up for a drink after I had finished college.
I met her around 4:30pm and we went to go have a drink in the Waterstones cafe. I love their hot chocolate and with company, it's great. It was only to be a short 'date' though because she had to go quite soon after but it was a nice way to meet. However, when I took my jacket off when we sat down in the cafe, I completely forgot about the fact that I hadn't told her that I used to self harm and that my arms are very noticably scarred. As I took my jacket off, I kept a careful eye on where she was looking, just to see if she noticed and to see what kind of reaction she'd have to it.
I did notice her look once or twice, but she didn't say anything about it. However, after about 30 minutes of talking, she said she had to go which surprised me because I had thought we'd be staying there for at least an hour. At that point, I guess I felt like she was pretty much saying "I don't want to be in your company anymore".
We were going to the same train station so I waited with her for her train, even though mine came and went. She said I should get on it, but I said that I'd wait with her for hers. When hers came, I gave her a hug. Except she pulled away before I did. Everyone does that. I don't think there's ever been someone who I've pulled away from first. I guess it made me feel good when, as she was getting on the train she said "That was a good hug".
I text her on my way home, simply saying that I enjoyed her company and she looked lovely. She text back saying "Thank you hehe...hope you have a nice weekend". That made me a little disappointed really because I suppose I was hoping for a "You are too". In addition, it's now Tuesday and I've not heard a single thing from her since. She hasn't been online, nor has she replied to my texts and I'm thinking she's just stopped talking to me and was either freaked out by my arms or just thought I was horrible or something which sucks. But maybe there's a logical explanation for it which I can't see yet.
My weekend was just my usual weekend. Nothing special at all. My mum called me on Sunday to tell me that my Nana had slipped in her kitchen last week and had hurt her back. She wanted me to go and check on her every night and I said I would.
I went to college yesterday as normal and it was an ok day. The project is progressing nicely, though every single person working in both my group and the other one hates it, as do I. It's just a really crappy project. No one minds working together in a group and no one minds being collectively creative, it's just that it's a crap project.
I had to have a tutorial session with Brian at the end of the day. It was basically to discuss whether I had any problems on the course and what I wanted to do after it. We talked at length about whether I wanted to go to university or not and while I said that I didn't, Brian said that it'd be a very good idea if I did because there's not much oppurtunity in Liverpool for graphic design jobs.
As for the course, he said that he was very pleased with my attitude towards everything and that he thinks my work is excellent. He thinks that I can get stuck in and produce the goods. I told him that I and the rest of the class think the current project is crap and while he didn't agree with me in so many words, he did seem to do so. He said that maybe they could change it for next time, but for us, there won't be a next time unfortunately.
I also wanted to get across the fact that I have been actively trying to get into college more this year and have less days off. He said he had noticed. However, he also said that he personally doesn't have a problem if I'm late or that I have a day off now and then, but sometimes he has to be hard on me in front of the rest of the class because it can't look like favouritism. I said I understood.
My journey home sucked. I waited and waited for a bus to come after I got off the train for like, 20 minutes or so and got on it, only to be told after 10 minutes that this was as far as it was going and I had to get off and get another bus. However, this bus didn't take me where I wanted to go either and I ended up having to walk home although thankfully, it wasn't far.
I was very aware of the fact that I had promised my mum that I'd go and check on my Nan and I was running late. I didn't like the thought of my Nan waiting there or something for something as simple as a drink because she can't walk right now.
I finally got home at 6:30pm, only to find my phone (which I had forgotten to take to college with me) and see that my mum had left me a message saying that my Nan's foot was a little better and that she didn't need me to go round to hers but I could if I wanted to. I decided to anyway to see how she was. I planned to stay there for about an hour, but I ended up staying about an hour and a half.
As I've said in past entries, I really like my Nana because she has the same kind of opinions as I do on things, unlike my mum. For example, she doesn't like Laura's boyfriend, Chris very much. She's not the only one. She also things it's terrible that Laura doesn't talk to me. I guess it's nice to have someone on my side.
I tried my best to keep her company and talk to her for the time that I was there. My mum called her while I was there too just to talk to her, but my Nana said that I was there and she asked to talk to me. My mum thanked me for going round. Like a heartfelt thanks. "What for?", I said, because I guess I was a little confused really why she was saying thanks. She said that I should go round there every day, just to make sure she's ok and I will.
Around 8pm, I left my Nana's and she gave me a hug and thanked me for coming round. As I walked back to mine, I felt pretty damn sad, guilty and sorry for her. I mean, she's in that house pretty much all day on her own with no one to talk to. It must be so fucking lonely for her and I feel guilty for not spending more time with her. Every time I go shopping from now on though, I'll call her and ask if she needs anything and then I can bring it to hers and drop it off and spend some time with her.
Today was my day off from college, but it was a great day off. I went to meet the wonderful Katie!
She had come over from Ireland for a day or two and had asked if I wanted to meet up and of course I did. I felt pretty nervous about meeting her, as I haven't seen her for three years! Such a long time.
I looked about for her where she said she'd be but I couldn't find her. I was just about to call her when I spotted her beautiful ginger hair and while I haven't seen her for three years, I still recognised her instantly. I saw her before she saw me and I almost chased her around a circle of chairs to get to her before calling her name and giving her a long long hug and telling her she looked great because wow, she did. She had just had her hair cut and it looked really really nice. She looked so grown up! I always feel like I'm younger than her and yet she's younger than me!
We walked and talked and I wanted to treat her to a large hot chocolate from Waterstones (Yes, I realise I seem to be going there a lot often, but can you think of anywhere else to sit down and talk?). God, it was great seeing her again after so long. She looked amazing as usual. The conversation flowed smoothly too, which is unusual for me because in the past I've been quite quiet. It was just a really nice time spent with her. We were in there for about an hour or so and then we went looking in the paper shop, which both Katie and I love. After that, we were rather lost for things to do, but I was just happy to be in her great company and talk to her about every single thing I could think of.
Her flight soon and so we made our way to the station so she could catch a train to the nearest station to the airport. I waited with her. She was pretty tired from shopping all day long and had bought lots of nice new clothes for herself.
I took a pic of her! :D How beautiful is Katie? Very.
When her train arrived I gave her a long long hug and said goodbye, only to give her another hug a moment later and then she got on the train and was off. I felt quite happy after that. It felt like it had given me a burst of good feelings. She is amazing.
I went home after that and it's now 5:35pm. I'll go round to my Nana's in a bit to see how she is.
As you can see, this is a pretty long entry, but it's so nice to be able to write about nice stuff like meeting my wonderful friend Katie.
