I guess I probably won't be moving into that apartment due to the reasons I've already stated in my previous entry, which means I'm stuck here in this house longer.
Jamie was online earlier.
[15:47:28] he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man: how are u?
[15:47:41] very sad: Not good
[15:47:48] he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man: how come
[15:48:09] very sad: Feel very, very depressed.
[15:48:17] very sad: More than I have done in two years.
[15:48:22] he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man: yer but u always do
[15:48:28] very sad: Not like this.
[15:49:53] very sad: Everything is getting me down.
[15:50:04] he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man: like wot
[15:51:31] he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man: ???
[15:51:46] very sad: The fact that I'm lonely like you wouldn't believe. I need a girlfriend. Living in this house makes me feel like shit. I don't know how to be happy anymore.
[15:53:10] very sad: I can't hold it in anymore. Usually I can hide the most of how I'm feeling but I just feel that shit these days that I don't have the strength to pretend to be ok.
[15:53:54] he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man: dude for fuck sake don't everythink is cure by havin a girlfriend ur in college on a course u will pass u have a load of friends u have money jesus and u will get a girlfriend if u stop actin upset all the time
[15:55:40] he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man: if ur constanley depressed i don't think girl find that a turn on
[15:56:59] he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man: just be happy for wot u do have look at mike he's never been in a proper relionship and has never had sex he's not 24/7 depressed is he why are u
[15:58:02] he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man: ???
[15:58:47] very sad: Jamie I know you're trying to help and I appreciate it, but now is not the best time to do so because it'll just make me feel worse. I suffer from depression, you already know that. It's not 'sadness', it's depression. An illness. Clinical depression.
[16:00:43] he who makes a beast of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man: dude all i'm tryin to say is i concider u a close mate and so do a load of other people u have a lot goin for ur self and a girlfriend would be good but wouldn't solve all ur problems
I know he's right of course and I do appreciate him trying to help. Right now though, these days, nothing anyone can say is going to change how I feel.
I've been listening to Coldplay's X&Y album a lot recently. The melodies are comforting for some reason. Fix You never fails to 'get' me.
I'm glad there's only a month left of these summer holidays. I can't wait to be back in college so I have somewhere to go. It'll take my mind off how I'm feeling these days and because it's the second year, maybe we'll do some more advanced stuff.
I think I'll probably go the doctors at some point and see about getting some anti-depressants.
