There's not much to talk about really, which is why I've not written. Having said that, I did go and see Constantine on Saturday with Jamie, Mike and Stan, which was worthwhile. It was nice getting out of the house for a few hours and being with my friends. It was also a really nice day weatherwise.

Sunday night, I met up with Jen again this time went for a walk with her instead of a drive. I was horny and in retrospect, it was a silly thing to do, when I don't even fancy her. We met up at 4:20am and walked around Kirkby for 45 minutes, before I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek and went home again. I did actually want to do more than that with her, but because she didn't really seem interested, we didn't and I'm glad that nothing happened because I'm already disgusted with myself for even meeting her in the first place when I don't fancy her at all and it would of just been a completely physical thing.

God I'm tired of being how I am when it comes to all of this. I don't want to need affection and love and attention like I do. All it brings me is hurt and generally makes me feel shit.

On a lighter note, however, I'm going to London next week it seems. I'm going to visit my wonderful friend Hana for two days. I'm looking forward to seeing her. It's been just over a year since I saw her last and I'm sure she's changed a lot in that time. It'll be great to see her again, although I'm hoping that this time I'll actually talk to her more, since last time I was way too quiet. I bought my ticket on Saturday after seeing the film. �36 for a return ticket, after I renewed my Saver card for an additional �20. So �56 in total.

That girl always makes me feel happier when she's online. I see her name pop up and suddenly my heart feels a little less like it's being squeezed. She makes me laugh and I make her laugh. It's why she's my best friend. Even though she's at university right now, she still comes online now and then and it makes my night.

I'm still talking to Claire. I'm trying so very hard to make things easier for myself when talking to her and trying desperately not to say things like "Please just come back to me" and other such 'bad' things. And then tonight, we end up talking dirty to each other for at least two or three hours to get each other off. That's certainly not progression is it?

I think my plan of asking her out towards the end of April will probably not be such a good idea. I don't think she'd say yes and I'll probably only get one chance to actually ask her so I want to make sure it's the right time. I don't think it will be, so I may wait longer.

It's her birthday on the 31st of this month. She's apparantly going the cinema with her ex on that day. She says she doesn't feel nothing for him no more and she's just trying to get over him still. Meh, I don't know about that. Then on Saturday, she's going out with her friends to town for a drink. She wants me to come too, which I'll probably do and probably regret, because I know she's going to look beautiful and all I'm going to want to do is kiss her. I feel obligated to go though, I mean if I don't, it's going to look as if I don't care about her and her birthday.

I'm getting her two presents too. One is a set of books written by Anne Rice who she loves and the other will be a painting which Jen (not the Jen mentioned earlier) is painting for me, since she's quite good. I hope she likes her gifts. It kind of makes me angry at myself though for actually putting some thought into them when sometimes she says things that hurt me, albeit unintentionally.

So much for not having anything to write.