Monday was quite worrying. I was woken up around 5pm after laying in bed half awake/half asleep by a phone call from Jamie.
"Hello?"
"...hey"
From this I knew something was up already.
"...something's happened"
"Oh what now?"
"...Stan's found your diary dude"
"..."
"...and he's SO pissed off. Man, he sounds so angry."
"Why?"
"He said that he read about your party and how we were all outside watching the fireworks and you wrote that we were 'all very amused' by them and he thinks that it's belittling him. Dude I've never heard him sound so angry."
"Hold on what? He thinks I'm belittling him? I didn't even say that in my diary. And I asked him specifically not to read my diary. I told him to promise me not to read it so if he wants to read it and go behind my back then..."
"Well, I just thought I'd give you a heads up man. Just let you know what's happening."
"Yeah, thanks for letting me know. I'll call him."
"Dude..did you get a blowjob from Mandy?"
"*sigh* I've told you already, all that stuff is private and I'm not gonna talk about it."
So, with that I put the phone down and now I was feeling both angry at Stan for betraying my trust and worried at what exactly he had read in my diary that he'd found so offensive. Not only that, but I was also worried that perhaps he had read a fair few entries and I don't want him knowing about every single thought and feeling I may of ever had.
I called him about an hour later. After about six rings, I got a "The person you have dialed as cleared". I didn't actually know what this meant really, and just assumed that maybe I'd called him just as he'd finished talking to someone else. I called him again five minutes later. This time, though, it was only after one ring that I got that message and I realised that he was simply recognising my number and cancelling the call. That pissed me off, the fact that he wouldn't even talk to me about it when in my eyes, he was the one in the wrong anyway.
I text him instead, with a four page message saying how he was overreacting and how he needs to call me to talk about it.
I got a text from Danielle about 90 minutes later.
"did u get a suck off mandy?"
Fucks sake. How the fuck can he go around telling everyone about my sex life if not for the sake of me then for the sake of Mandy at least. Again, I felt pissed off and betrayed.
I replied to Danielle, telling her my sex life is private and anything that Stan may have told her, he had no right to do so.
Mandy popped up online.
[22:52:43] Out of body and out of mind, Kiss the demons out of my dreams,I get the funny feeling, that�s alright: hey
[22:52:52] A series of unfortunate events.: How are you?
[22:53:24] Out of body and out of mind, Kiss the demons out of my dreams,I get the funny feeling, that�s alright: shitty
[22:53:25] Out of body and out of mind, Kiss the demons out of my dreams,I get the funny feeling, that�s alright: you?
[22:53:42] A series of unfortunate events.: Yeah, I'm annoyed.
[22:54:27] Out of body and out of mind, Kiss the demons out of my dreams,I get the funny feeling, that�s alright: you are? just splatter everything i do across the web for total strangers and my mates to see
[22:54:28] Out of body and out of mind, Kiss the demons out of my dreams,I get the funny feeling, that�s alright: i dont mind
[22:54:36] Out of body and out of mind, Kiss the demons out of my dreams,I get the funny feeling, that�s alright: i dont feel violated
[22:55:01] Out of body and out of mind, Kiss the demons out of my dreams,I get the funny feeling, that�s alright: there is a law about keeping information about people on the internet and not letting them see it though
[22:57:02] A series of unfortunate events.: You knew already that I kept a diary. I told you I did. And while yes, there is stuff about you in there because it was special/important to me, it was never meant to be ready by anyone other than people neither you or I would ever come into contact with. The fact that Lee and/or Stan have read it and told the likes of Jamie what it says is wrong.
[22:57:40] A series of unfortunate events.: Jamie done the right thing. He respected my wishes not to read it. I don't know why Lee couldn't do the same thing.
Fuck. Fuck.
Jamie called me about 30 minutes later.
"Hey, just thought I'd let you know that Stan is willing to talk now."
"Ok thanks"
I called him and he picked up.
"So, go on, what are you so pissed off about?", I said to him in a semi-firm voice. While I was willing to be sympathetic to his side of things at the start of this, I was now simply angry at him for not only reading my diary, but also telling others about what's in there.
"Right, well you know that entry in your diary about the party yeah?"
"Yes"
"Well in there you said that we were amused by the fireworks and like, it just sounded belittling."
"Well for a start it doesn't say amused."
"Well...whatever...", he said, pausing for a moment after his free rolling start. I could hear the difference in his voice from when he first started speaking, then I spoke, then his voice changed. He didn't sound so sure.
"No, you've overreacted Stan. I'll read out to you exactly what it says," which I did. "And I asked you not to read my diary and you've gone behind my back and done it anyway"
"I didn't read your diary, Lee did. He read it out to me."
"Same thing."
"I just had to know what it said."
"*sigh* You overreacted Stan."
We said goodbye shortly after that. He didn't sound angry at all to me, but perhaps he had calmed down from when Jamie had spoken to him. He said goodbye with his almost trademark "catch ya laytuuur" kind of thing. I was pissed off and confused. Pissed off because not once had he even hinted at being apologetic for it and confused because he now seemed completely ok with what he'd read.
With Stan no longer a 'threat', I now had to apologise to Mandy, which I did, but I also explained to her that Stan should also apologise to her for talking about anything in my diary. If he hadn't, it would only of been him and Lee who knew, not Jamie and Danielle and god knows who else now because of him.
It is for this reason that my diary is currently locked, as I didn't want either Stan or Lee or any other of my friends reading any more entries. Thank god for password protection.
Monday over with.
Tuesday saw the next eventful day.
I went to college as usual and got on with my work, hurriedly, as I didn't have much time to get it all done by my Thursday presentation. I worked on my poster for most of the morning. Around 11:30am, I text Jamie who I assumed was upstairs in his class, telling him to come find me when he got out, since he said he was willing to come help me redo some shots for my film. He called me though around 12pm, saying could we meet a bit later because he had to go talk to Danielle about stuff. I said sure.
I got on with more work after lunch in Tony's lesson, this time working on my Flash animation. Around 2pm, my phone rang and I went outside to take it. I had assumed it'd be Jamie but surprisingly it was Danielle.
"Hi Neil"
"Uh hi?", I said surprised. Danielle has never called me before.
"Are you in college?"
"Yeah?"
"What time are you meeting Jamie?"
"I dunno"
"Well he's in town now"
"Ok"
"And can you make sure he's ok for us?"
"Why?"
"Well we've just broke up"
...wow. Well that was unexpected. These two have been together for like two years or more now.
"Oh my god! That sucks. You can't do that!"
"Yeah"
"Just make sure he's ok for us"
"Yeah I will. Are you ok?"
"Yeah, I just need some time"
I called Jamie straight after I'd said goodbye to Danielle.
"Hello?"
"Jamie! What the fuck?"
"Huh?"
"Danielle's just called me saying you and her have broken up"
"...yeah", his voice was incredibly low and depressed, understandably so.
"You still need me for this filming stuff?", he asked and I wasn't really bothered about that now, just about making sure he was ok.
"Yeah I do, but it doesn't matter about that. Where are you?"
We arranged to meet and I grabbed the camera and tripod as an excuse to get out of lesson and go meet him. The rain and wind were terrible and I was absolutely soaking, when I found Jamie stood there, his head looking at the ground, rain pouring off him, looking awful.
"What the hell?", I said again to him, as we began to walk. He mumbled.
"Did she why?", I asked. I wasn't quite sure whether he wanted to talk about it or not, but thought that by asking questions about it maybe it'd be easier for him or something. I don't know. I've never had to console someone about getting dumped before. Not in person anyway.
"It doesn't matter about this", I said, referring to the camera, "Just had to bring this so I could get out of college"
"So what did she say?"
"I don't love you anymore", he said in a tone which made him sound both angry at her and confused. It's pretty hard to say anything back to that. We carried on walking.
"I hope we can still be friends", he said, referring to what she had said, again, in that angry/confused tone of voice.
"Arrggh", I said, completely understanding where he was coming from, "that line. Just not what you want to hear. Worst line ever."
"Yeah. I need a drink. A nice big whiskey."
While alcohol was out of the question for now, we both went into the nearest place to sit down to talk and get out of the rain. I've never had to see someone in this situation before, it's not nice. You have no idea what to say to them, even though you may of been there yourself.
We talked in short bursts, taking turns to look out of the window to pass the silence by.
"How much you think that camera costs?", he said.
"About �600 I think"
"You think we could go to sell it at Jacobs (camera store) and go get pissed with the money?", he said, jokingly, although getting pissed seemed to be something he thought would take his mind of the hurt.
Mandy called him a few minutes later to see if he was ok and then he/I resumed to looking out of the window and then talking a bit more.
"Come on then, let's do this", he said, after we'd been sitting there for about 30 minutes, referring to the filming work he had said he'd do to help me out.
"You really don't have to you know, it's ok."
"No, it's fine, I said I'd do it"
So off we went filming. In the rain, in the cold, in the wind. I wanted to get the shots done as quickly as he did because no one wants to be out in that kind of shit weather, especially when they're not in the happiest of moods.
In total, the filming took about 20 minutes to do. I probably could of used more shots, but didn't want to keep him, since I knew he probably just wanted to go home. Once we were finished, he caught the bus and I thanked him for his help.
I walked back to college in the rain although not as heavy as it was earlier in the day. But, I did have the lovely time of being pelted with hail on already freezing cold ears...
Back at college, I got to work on editing the filming I'd done with him last week and the filming I'd just done. I had to move quick, because I only had an hour to do all of my editing before going home for the day and I wouldn't have a chance to work on it much more. By 4pm, I had a rough copy made. It was something to show if I couldn't make anything better. However, I knew I could refine it, I just needed time and time was something I didn't have.
At 4pm, Bronek wanted to have a tutorial with us. This is otherwise known as "an hour where Bronek talks your fucking ear off for too long and digresses a lot when that hour could be spent doing more productive things or simply going home". He spent 80 fucking minutes talking to us. We all just wanted to go home.
I burnt my Flash animation to CD to take home with me and work on it here instead and then left for to catch the train. My god I was soaked. The kind of soaked where you're wondering just where the hell all that water is dripping from off the top off your head. The kind where the train floor looks as if it's the middle of the Nile. Of course, most people are clever and bring a damn umbrella to work/college, but oh, not me. Stupid me.
Tuesday over with.
Wednesday was meant to be my day of getting everything done for Thursday's presentation. I had it all worked out. Three hours for the animation, two hours for the poster and an hour to write up my presentation. Then, I'd create the Powerpoint presentation in college and finish the movie in college as well. Simple, but not quite.
I woke up with a migraine of course, leaving me physically incapable of doing my work for the pure fact that I couldn't see the fucking screen properly due to the blindness that occurs when I have one. I had to forget about work for about three hours and then although my head was banging, got on with my animation regardless.
I've been working on this animation now for just over four weeks. I have heard the Kill Bill theme now SO MANY FUCKING TIMES it's unbelievable. I have to play the animation over and over again to make sure it looks ok before I can proceed with the next part. It's driving me crazy.
Stan called me. I couldn't be arsed with him really and made it sound that way as well.
"So is everything ok with us now?", he asked. I sigh.
"Stan, you're still my mate and that, but I'm still pissed off at you. Just can't believe you read my diary even when I told you not to."
"Lad, I wasn't bothered about your diary, it's just that when Lee said there was something about me in there I had to know about it."
"..yeah," I said, again, in a tone which can only be described as "I can't be arsed with this". We said goodbye shortly after and I resumed my work.
FINALLY, after four long, long weeks of work on it, I coudl finally say it was finished at around 10pm. There were still a few final things that needed to be added to it, but like the movie, it was something complete to show off. I showed it to a few people online and they liked it, but one thing I hate about showing people anything on the net is that you can't gauge their facial reactions, from which you can always tell a lot.
After the animation, I got to work on my presentation speech. Well, not so much a speech, but just lots of notes about my stuff. I had that done within about 90 minutes and I decided that that would have to do. I wasn't up to working on anything else for the night and I closed down all of my applications.
Wednesday done with.
With the arrival of Thursday, I felt quite excited about my presentation. While I didn't have everything complete, I did have what I thought was quality work to show and notes to go with it. Once in lesson, I got to work on my Powerpoint presentation, which I would be giving round about 3:30pm.
Powerpoint is a simply program to use and by lunch, I had about half of my presentation done. I could of got more done, but spent a lot of my time talking to people like Rob about what kind of work he's done, what kind of work I'd done and what kind of notes he should make.
There is building work going on right outside our classroom. It's loud at times. They're building a new, well, building onto the college. Around 11:30am, the lights and computer monitors began flickering. No one was that bothered, since we'd also gotten used to a strong tremor-like feeling from all of the machinery outside.
Most of the class worked through their lunch to get the Powerpoint presentations complete. At 12:20pm, Jamie appeared. I showed him the movie in which he is the star. He liked it. I also showed him my animation. He liked it.
He explained that half of the college had no power. Apparantly all of the left side was now in darkness. I told him that the lights had been flickering in here too.
I went for a 10 minute walk with him towards the end of lunch. Quite a good idea actually as even for me, spending so long looking at those Macs really strains my eyes. They're just too bright.
As I mentioned a few days ago, Jamie quite innocently stumbled onto my diary via my picture archive. Sadly however, he seems to of clicked on the cast link as well, which he told me about today. I find it SO uncomfortable that knows what I write, even in just the little summations of each of my friends. It's just really weird, when I've been so used to not exactly hiding that kind of stuff, but not exactly showing it off either. He said he was touched by the fact that as my cast page says, I consider myself to be the closest to him out of everyone. Him quoting my words is embarassing and uncomfortable. I didn't say noting about it, because I know he doesn't intentionally want to cause harm, but I may have to start moving all diary related stuff to a folder named something other than diary. I guess that's my own fault for naming it that in the first place, but then, I never thought that I'd have Jamie looking through the archive anyway.
Me and Jamie went to find Stan at 1pm. He was in class, but he came out to say hi. In retrospect however, he didn't actually say hi to me at all, just Jamie.
I went back to class at 1:05pm and resumed my work on the presentation. Daniel got called out of the classroom for a few minutes, before returning and asked for everyone's attention. He said that due to the power loss on one side of the building, the fire alarms weren't working either and the college isn't insured to have people there otherwise, which meant that we could go home. Always a nice thing to hear, that you can go home early, but at the same time, a bad thing, since I was really wanting to finish the presentation stuff and actually present it. He said that this would now be happening tomorrow instead, although even that isn't sure, as he thinks that the problem won't be fixed tomorrow either, which means that we probably won't be coming into college at all tomorrow. I'm really hoping this is the case, because it'll mean I have at least an entire weekend to get more stuff done and it's the "I just need one more day" that I've been wishing for that I'll be granted. If I do have the weekend to work on stuff, it means that I can not only get the stuff done that I'm supposed to do, but also, I have an idea or two for some extra things that might get me more marks.
Scarlet text me. She asked me for the password to my diary (hello if you're reading). I text her back, saying how she'd put me in a difficult situation by telling my friends about how she knows me. She did apologise and I just hope that you do mean it and that you won't go telling them anything specific about what you read in here. As I've said, I don't mind anyone reading this that doesn't know me in person. It's too personal if you know me in person. this is why I don't want my friends knowing about what I write in here. Please keep it that way. And feel free to text me.
What a long entry.
