Last night I got to talk to Hana online for the first time in a while. As I've said in previous entries, even though she's been in Scotland for the past few months, we still talk via text quite often so it doesn't feel as if we've been 'apart'.

[16:06:15] Hana: I'm glad you're on
[16:06:19] I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.: Why?
[16:06:21] Hana: I need to talk to someone
[16:06:31] I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here.: What's up?

And then she told me what was up and now I'm so very worried about her. I won't say what she said, because I know she wouldn't want me to, but we talked for an hour about it and I tried to help as best as I could, but there's only so much I can do from 200 miles away. I offered the best advice I could and hopefully I did actually help in some way, but I know she must be so scared. I texted her all night after she went offline because I was thinking about her so much.

This morning, on my way to college, she text me, saying she had decided on a course of action and I was really glad that she had taken my advice because I know it will help her.

I got to college and waited outside the classroom. No one was waiting there, when I arrived, which I found quite strange, but waited anyway. The only person there was Tony's support worker, who helps him read stuff if it's too small for him. At 9:10am, Bronek finally arrived.

"Hello Bronek"
"Neil...", he said, and I already knew what he was going to say, "did no one tell you? I meant to give you a call on Friday to tell you. It's teacher training day to day. You're not supposed to be in."
"Oh well", was my reply. I already knew after waiting there for 10 minutes with no one showing up. The thing I was fairly pissed off about was the fact that I'd paid out to come to college, only to go home less an 30 minutes later. It's money that I can't afford to waste like that.

So, back home I went. I decided to have a few hours of sleep at about 12pm till 4:30pm and then I've been sitting here pretty much since.

My Mum said that she will give me �200 for Christmas. I don't really want to take it, because I know that she needs it, but to be honest, so do I. She said that she is giving Laura �200 as well. I told her that she can't afford to do that, but she said that she was going to take it out of some sort of account that she saves up throughout the year. I feel really guilty for accepting it. I really don't care about the gifts side of things at Christmas, I'd just like one of those Christmases you see on TV, even if they don't exist 100% in reality. Sadly though, I don't have that because my mum doesn't really see the point in Christmas. She even got rid of the Christmas tree and there are no decorations up, nor will there be one of those Christmas dinners that everyone always has. Christmas is going to be like every other day.

I told her that I'd love it if we still had presents to open and stuff like that and she was surprised. She really doesn't see the attraction of Christmas now that me and Laura are older, but I love the festive season. I like seeing all of the Christmas trees and lights all over the place. It makes things seem better somehow, even if they're not really. We're probably the only family I know of who won't be celebrating Christmas in the way people usually celebrate it, as much as I want to.

With the �200 that my mum will give me, I'm debating whether or not to get a new digital camera. I can get a 5 megapixel Fuji camera with 3x optical zoom for �240 which sounds pretty cool to me. Or, I could buy myself a USB memory stick, which would help me transfer my college work to my computer easier than burning CD's all the while. I'm not sure how much they are, but I think I remember someone saying about �60-80 for a 128mb one. Or, I can just put it in the bank and keep it for other needs in the future. I don't know yet.

Also, my mum said she'd buy some stuff for this party, which I'm very appreciative about. I'm so very much counting on people bringing stuff though. I just hope they realise if they don't, that food and indeed drink is going to be very very limited.

And now, I'm passing the mic to you. For one day (or two, perhaps) I'm allowing you to write in my diary. You can talk about whatever you want.

Click here to make an entry in my diary.

I look forward to seeing what you write.